In my continuing quest as the D-Generation’s (Drinking Generation) Functional Alcoholic Slurperson… To better your lives and put the ‘Functional’ back in front of ‘Alcoholic’, i submit the following public disservice announcement.

Al Goes Straight

Ten Telltale Signs Your High Is Gonna Be Jacked

1. There are tons of cars parked at your house and there’s no sign of a keg.
2. The jacket you get for your birthday has too many buckles, and sleeves that hang to the floor.
3. Bouncers are standing at the exits and you’re at home.
4. Coworkers suggest you holiday in the same ‘club’ as David Hasselhoff or Lindsay Lohan.
5. You suspect every drink you’re getting is a virgin Rum & Coke.
6. There isn’t any fur on the handcuffs your girlfriend is holding.
7. You don’t remember buying the station wagon in the drive, especially not one with a siren and the word ‘clinic’ written on it.
8. You wouldn’t have invited anyone filling your living room to a binge.
9. The bars in your hotel are in the windows, not the lounge.
10. Remember: The words “We need to talk” have never been followed by good news.