Blow Me
In my continuing effort to serve you as the FASe of the D-Generation (Drinking-Generation), i humbly present the following public disservice:
i Got Your BAC: Blood Alcohol Content For Dummies
Part 2: What It All Means
Lifted From Wiki
BAC results range from 0% (you’re dangerously sober) to 0.5% (dangerously drunk). The current law in the States dictates that anything over 0.08% makes you police bait if you’re behind the wheel.
Here’s what it all means for us normal people:
0.01-0.029%
What You Do
- Remember you have a watch
- Have taste
- Feel like crap
What You Shouldn’t Do
- Feel superior
- Make fun of drunk people–remember, you’ll be one soon enough
- Stop drinking
What You Can’t Do
- Say “No more for me. I’m done.”
- Leave
- Have fun
0.03-0.059%
What You Do
- Pretend you’re not drunk
- Overestimate your looks and your intelligence
- Believe everything you say
What You Shouldn’t Do
- Drink stronger booze
- Play games in traffic
- Allow anyone to film you
What You Can’t Do
- Count how fast you drink
- Say “Preliminary cinnamon”
- Accurately judge the passage of time
0.06-0.10%
What You Do
- Begin every sentence with, “I really shouldn’t say this, but…”
- Walk into walls and spill your beer
- Sing TV theme songs
What You Shouldn’t Do
- Flirt with the ugly person you find “interesting looking”
- Convince yourself everybody pees against public buildings
- Think karaoke is a good idea
What You Can’t Do
- Stay out of the bathroom for more than thirty minutes
- Say “Subliminal ethnicity”
- Call home, ’cause your significant other will aurally ream you a new one
0.11-0.20%
What You Do
- Pick fights
- Cry over everything
- Think you can dance (and insist on proving it)
What You Shouldn’t Do
- Go anywhere near a phone, you’re now in drunk dialing territory
- Join a drinking game
- Start a friendly game of “I’m gonna tell you what I really think about you.”
What You Can’t Do
- Stand still
- Stop drinking
- Say “No, I couldn’t. No one wants to hear me sing.”
0.21-0.29%
What You Do
- Anything and everything
- Forget everything you say
- Wake up covered in your friends’ practical joke
What You Shouldn’t Do
- Look up pictures of yourself covered in the practical joke on the Web
- Debate anything with your significant other
- Ride in a car with a nice interior
What You Can’t Do
- Stand up
- Sit up
- Make complete sentences
0.30-0.39%
What You Do
- Pee your pants
- Hit on everything
- Take everything way too seriously
What You Shouldn’t Do
- Brag about peeing your pants
- Heed the call to expose private body parts
- Sleep on your back
What You Can’t Do
- Talk
- Have ‘just one more’
- Say “Call 911″
>0.40%
What You Do
- Pass out
- Leak bodily fluids through several orifices
- Die
What You Shouldn’t Do
- Expose yourself to open flames
- Leave the bathroom
- Die
What You Can’t Do
- Anything and everything
- Wake up
- Breathe
October 18th, 2009 at 12:39 am
How nice to know how the upper eschelon live (or stop living as the case may be). Drew the line at .029% long ago (of course I am foolish enough to believe that line can be extended many more drinks than it probably is)
October 18th, 2009 at 11:56 am
i’ve always been tempted to test myself. i have a supermarket breathalyzer around here somewhere, but then i get too drunk to remember it…
October 19th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
BWAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!
Oh that is so funny and so sadly true I am totally cracking up, hahahaha!
Ohhh, I wish we could have gotten this into tabular format for you, sweetie!
I love it, it’s accurate, truthful, funny, and yet not-so funny — walking that tightrope that you do on this blog & is really why I like it, I like what it is doing for you in being a creative outlet and shows that, really, I still can find my own sense of humor in this all.
Keeping a balance with a sense of humor is a good thing, for sure.
BTW: I just noticed on your Twitter that you were worried about drinking on Sunday. I just wanted to say, good on ya for holding it to what you did. It was really cool that you could and did maintain a line, a boundary, with it, and I am proud of you.
October 19th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
“shows ME that, really, I still can find my own sense of humor in this all.” is what I meant to type…
October 19th, 2009 at 6:56 pm
i knew what you meant, Sweetie.
Thanks as well for the props on the post. It’s not an easy line to walk, but i feel really comfortable in that gray area.
Yeah, i was pleased with how well SUnday turned out, too. Everybody wins!
Al K Hall