Al K Hall ('s body double) Learns About Reiki
From the juiced-box:
[Press 'Play' to feel it]
Basically
A ‘gathering’ is a party without alcohol. Miss Demeanor took me to a gathering the other day…
A group of people got together to ‘hand’ out free samples of Reiki (pronounced ray-key, as in ‘Ray-key up before you go-go”.) This is the practice of healing people spiritually, mentally/psychologically, and physically through touch.
History
It started in India a long time ago.
Later, it was rediscovered in Japan.
That’s enough history for now.
Alcohol vs Reiki
Miss D and i get to the place and this sober drummer (which, apparently, is not oxymoronic) showed us into a small room where we were shown a video.
If it had been a real party, there would’ve been a drink in my hand before i sat down and instead of YouTube, we would’ve had Disturbed.
Then, the guy led me to a dimly lit room where a crowd of people stood around a massage table. Have you ever seen Rosemary’s Baby? You know the scene where Satan rapes Mia Farrow? It was kinda like that without the nudity.
I had to lie down on the table and everyone put their hands all over my body except for the fun parts. New Age Yanni-type music played and whenever a bell chimed, they moved their hands to a different place but still avoiding the good bits. Basically, it was a Thai massage with no massage and no happy ending.
Had it been a real party, there would’ve been less clothing, nicer touching and some kissing if you’re lucky. And either Sick Puppies or Tom Waits after Disturbed—New Age is the new Old Age.
i’m Just Sayin’
i had a bad case of blue balls when i got there and i must admit they were less blue (redder?) when i left even if, as i said, no one came even remotely close to polishing my family jewels off. Still, i can’t see Reiki ever replacing the good ole 6-pack and a handjob.
This guy might be bad, but i still say 
Have you ever drunk with a true believer. Doesn’t have to be a religious guy, even if they’re fun to make fun of and make you feel better about your intellect in debates. Nah, i’m talking about anyone who truly believes anything down to his freaking core. It’s a touchy call because sometimes you get the obnoxious kind who starts yelling from the get-go and is so far up in your face that his beer spittle showers your stash and lashes. Go ahead and try to inject a counter argument and you’ll get more than spit because he’ll throw his entire drink all over you and then you have to charge him with alcohol abuse. The other kind of believer still showers you with his spit but at least he’ll laugh while he does it. He won’t listen to your arguments any more than the first kind but at least he’ll smile and nod as he ignores you. And it’s not because his arguments are one-sided and his world view is blind-sided that he doesn’t have a couple good points to make. Capitalism: A Love Story (and Michael Moore) are kinda like this second guy.
People, it’s a documentary. There are no beautiful chicklettes here ’cause they’re all real. Sure, Audra, the twenty-something daughter who points the video camera at herself as the police are evicting her family didn’t seem too bad, but we only get a fleeting glimpse. Then there’s the cute 24-year-old first-officer who died in a plane crash while bitching with the pilot about their salaries. [Sorry, i'm a little too sober to post pictures of a dead girl in the Sex Section tonight. Better luck next round.] Other than that, however, there was no official talent.
There’s the Iggy Pop song at the top, plus there’s also a little “O Fortuna”. Even if every buddy uses this, it’s still a killer song. i chose the Therion version for this post.
You know how you drink with Jim Jarmusch? You’ve seen Dead Man and Down By Law and you can’t wait to hang with the guy who hangs with Tom Waits, Bill Murray and Johnny Depp. So he gets there and you’re all excited and you sit down at the table ready to have this super intense conversation with the writer of Broken Flowers, Coffee and Cigarettes, and Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai. Then nothing happens. He just kinda sits there and looks at you. And you wanna say something but it’s Jim Jarmusch and he’s so much cooler than you could ever be so anything you say will sound completely stupid so you sip your drink and wait. And wait. And he doesn’t say anything. At all. He looks at you and kinda smiles sheepishly. He says “Wow, it’s quiet in here.” Then nothing else for twenty minutes. Then he tells you it was nice meeting you and stands up and leaves and you have to pay the tab. That’s what The Limits of Control was like.
The best part of the movie, if you ask me. We get some nice shots of Paz de la Huerta nude, which you would expect of someone whose character is called “Nude”. Well, not totally nude because she wears thick nerd glasses.
You know how it is when you drink with a Brit? It’s a blast at the beginning because they have different words for everything and their accent is so cool so you keep feeding them words to say so you can hear it from their mouths. “Say my name….Cool! Now say, uhm, ‘hangover’…Cool! ’Hahngovah!’ You said it like ‘hahngovah’, is that right? Is that how you say it? Now say ‘bloody sticky wicket blimey cheeky wanker’…Yeah! Wait, how do you guys say ‘elevator’? Lift! Hahahaha! How do you say, uhm, ‘truck’? Lorry! Hahahaha! How do you say restaurant? Oh, it’s the same?” Their sense of humor is different and sarky and it cracks you up and you have a blast all the way up until you realize the Brit is basically like everybody else in the bar and the novelty wears off. That’s kinda how it is with In The Loop.
You know how you drink with vampires? A new one comes into the Bar None every minute and there are so many of them because people will always want to be accepted and they figure if they join a vampire clique they’ll be automatically cool. What they don’t realize is every group has losers and leaders, the ins and the outs, the cool and the cold. An ass in a vampire costume is not hip, just an anemic in a black suit. Some vampires suck and others suck. The Twilight Saga: New Moon sucks, even if it is a vampire movie.
No nudity in the movie. Nothing even approaching nudity. Nothing even thinking about having a layover in the same country as nudity. Honestly, the hottest thing about this movie is knowing that Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning kiss each other in the upcoming film, The Runaways (due out next year).
