More tips and changes from your Functional Alcoholic Slurperson (FASe). You know how you’ve put back a couple and are ready for the next one but everybody starts giving you dirty looks as soon as you make a step towards the fridge? What follows are ten comments you can make to diffuse the moment and get off scotch free…
From the juiced-box: Chris Norman – Just Another Drink
1. “My ice cubes are lonely.”
2. “There are sober children in Africa.”
3. “That beer isn’t gonna drink itself.”
4. “This’ll give me something to talk about at AA.”
Paris Hilton Drunk & Slipping
5. “Because doggie bottles don’t exist.”
i’ll Take One To Go
6. “I’m the kinda guy who’ll take one for the team.”
7. “i used to be an alcoholic but my tolerance went up.”
Like a battered drinker or a punch drunk boxer, i am here for another round.
For those of you who don’t know me, i’m a semi-professional writer on the rocks and a non-practicing alcoholic (if after 30 years of practicing, you still can't do something well, it's best to just give it up). For those of you who do know me, thanks for stopping by anyway and where’s the ten bucks you owe me?
Welcome to my Bar None. A hole in the wall where we can hang out and trade the kind of stories you swap only when you’ve had one too many and either can’t find your way home or are afraid to. Hell, it’s cheaper than therapy and plus the pictures are prettier. Here we’ll crack open bottles and jokes and ‘last call’ are the only dirty words you’ll never hear.
Pull up a stool and make yourselves at home.
View all posts by Al K Hall