If you’ve been following along, you know about two weeks ago i binged so badly on Friday night that i went on the wagon. The deadline was supposed to be December 26, the day after Christmas. Well, i didn’t make it.
Last Thursday, 13 days into my dry spell, i had a business lunch. The bottle of Bordeaux was waiting for me when i arrived and it didn’t take long for me to pour a glass. Me and the customer i ate with polished off two bottles. Then, after work, i had a Heineken from the company fridge (it was stocked for the company Christmas party, which i boycotted). Then, on the way home, i bought another bottle of red and polished that off.
i was hungover today at work. i also feel ashamed. i let myself down. Unfortunately, i’m better at beating myself up than i am at staying on the wagon.
i’m back on the wagon and there are no more business lunches between here and Christmas, so i should be ok. i’ll be better tomorrow.
Also on tap today, i’m adding a song to the Photos: Self-Unemployed page. It’s Shinedown’s “What A Shame” and it’s on the juiced-box.
Here are the lyrics:
“What A Shame”
Two packs of cigarettes a day
The strongest whiskey Kentucky can make
Thats a recipe to put a vagabond
On his hands and knees
I watched it all up close
I knew him more than most
I saw a side of him he never showed
Full of sympathy
For a world that wouldn’t let him be
[Chorus]
Thats the man he was
Have you heard enough?
What a shame
What a shame
To judge a life that you can’t change
The choir sings
Church bells ring
So won’t you give this man his wings
What a shame
To have to beg you to see
We’re not all the same
What a shame
Theres a hard life for every silver spoon
Theres a touch of gray for every shade of blue
Thats the way that I see life
If there was nothing
Then there’d be nothing right
And for this working man
They said could barely stand
Theres got to be a better place to land
Some kind of remedy
For a world that couldn’t let him be
[Chorus]
God forgive the hands that laid you down
They never knew how
Much a broken heart can break the sound
And change the seasons
Now the leaves are falling faster
Happily ever after
You gave me hope with your endeavors
And now you will live forever
[Chorus]
December 19th, 2009 at 6:00 am
Ah, the difference between a drink and a drunk are the words “No thanks, I’ve had enough” Personally, I have a hard time having beer and wine in the same stomach (but tequila goes with anything)
December 19th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
And i thought the difference between a ‘drink’ and a ‘drunk’ was a ‘u’…
“Tequila goes with anything”, i’ll have to remember that for my next binge!
Al K Hall
December 19th, 2009 at 9:40 am
Wellllll, at least when you fall off the wagon you don’t do it as spectacularly as I do, sweetie. Heh.
I dunno. I walk a tightrope on this kind of thing with you. I want to show enough understanding to be empathetic to how hard it is to stay on the wagon, and I want to be objective enough to let you know how hard it is when you do drink too much. It’s not an easy line to walk.
Part of the cycle, too, is how hard you like to beat yourself up. It’s like you are looking for excuses to get mad: at yourself and the people around you. I personally think that as a part of wagon riding, it would be good to start acknowledging the anger you bury and which is one of the root causes about why you drink.
Anyways, I am sorry that you had to go through this yet again, one of the many times you have gone through it since have known you. I think talking about it and this blog have gone a long ways in helping you to handle this cycle with more awareness. One of these days, I hope we hit on the key to tip the balance in your being able to stop this cycle. For it is a cycle that ravages: you, me, your kids… Not so dramatically as for some, true, but it still takes a toll.
In the meantime, I am still here, trying to support you without enabling you.
XOXO
Miss D
December 19th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
Thanks for the sweet comment! At least i feel better mentally today, so here’s to hoping i won’t be beating myself up for a week like last time. Anyway, i feel you love and support and they’re very critical care!
MWAH
Al K Hall