As the FASe (Functional Alcoholic Slurperson) of the D-Generation, i’m here to offer tips & changes on everything about alcohol, including not drinking.

Maintaining the buzz of 10 Things To Say While Getting Another Drink (which was boosted thanks to a generous review on a site called Smak News) and following my fiancée’s recommendation, i’m posting today a list of 20 things to say to refuse a drink—during tomorrow night’s celebrations or any time you’ve hit your limit and don’t want your limit hitting back.

So for the T-Totallers and the totally wasted, i offer this list of responses to “Do you want a drink?” It’s a day early so you have time to memorize them before New Year’s Eve.

Enjoy yourselves and, as always, thanks once again for patronizing me.

From the juiced-box: Tori Amos – Our New Year

“Do You Want A Drink?”

1. “I’m allergic. It makes me break out in stupid.”

2. “Ok, but the judge said you need to write up a waiver for me to sign first.”

3. “Shoot, just when i was starting to enjoy myself.”

4. “Sorry, I’m saving myself for Remy Martin.”

Remy Martin Cognac Black Pearl Louis XIII = $10,000 / bottle

5. “Why, do I look like I need one?”

6. “No thanks, I’ve had enough this lifetime.”

7. “Ok, but I get to puke in your car when I drive it home.”

8. “Nope, I’ve already used up my idiot quota for the day.”

9. “You just want to post the pictures, doncha.”

10. “Yeah, you look like the kind of person I could be sick on.”

11. “Only if you babysit me while I slobber on your shoulder for the next 8-10 hours.”

12. “Nope, you’re not that cute and I’m not that stupid.”

13. “Sure, I’ll have a virgin Rum & Coke.”

14. “Your eyes say ‘Yes’ but the voices in my head are screaming ‘NO! NO!’.”

15. “No thanks, I’m the designated smart person.”

16. “I’ll give you a buck if you ask my sponsor that.”

17. “Only if you hold my hair while i call God on the big white phone.”

18. “Thanks anyway, I’ve been down that road and got way lost.”

19. “Hmm…It has been awhile since I last killed.”

20. ”No thanks, it messes with the meth.”