Before i get any deeper into this, let me put on some ambient music that is definitely not disposable. My Facebook broder, Robert Storoy (visit his page and let him know how much you like his stuff) sent this on to me.
Robert Storoy (with Lorenz Vauck) & Trond Ihle (vocals) – Ved denne strand (“Here At This Hometown”)
[Press 'Play' for a Norwegian serenade; translated English lyrics at the bottom of the post]
Here in the Bar None i’m turning the classy up to at least…i don’t know, but a really really super high number, let me tell you.
In an effort to attract a better brand of alkie, i’m currently selling wine and guess what: we got all three colors!
Now you can tie one on here or get the buzz to go without fear of spilling. Just carry it to your favorite alley, park bench or under a secluded bridge with the love of your night, peel yourself a glass and feel the magic make you disappear. [AlKHallism: A special shout out to my bruder and Facebook buddy Liam Irvine who brought this to my attention.]
“But Al!” you protest (and me keeps methinking you doth protest too much, dude). “What if I’m not the standard brand of alkie you normally get in the Bar None!? What if I have a car and still wanna continue my disposable evening?”
No worries, i got just the thing. Anti-alcohol.
The company is no longer allowed to make the claim explicitly (partly because of the law and partly because it’s a bold faced lie debunked by any and every medical expert who’d care enough to give you the time of day) but if you go to Security’s website and read between the lines, you’ll see that by drinking their magic potion you can reduce the quantity of alcohol in your system. Thanks to this, you can drive without a problem less than an hour after getting totally drunk on my disposable wine. Oh yeah, it’ll also make you hangover proof.
A drink that removes the booze from your system! What’ll they think of next? i know, wouldn’t it be cool if there was a drink that you could drink and it would actually increase the amount of alcohol in your bloodstream? God, i’d love that. Oh wait! It already exists and is called alcohol.
These are the lyrics of the intro song, first in the translated English and then in the original Norwegian. i’m so freakin’ international it makes my head spin, ‘course that could be the lack of oxygen here on my “high” horse. Please, stop me now before i joke again…