In this week’s dregs, sinking even lower than i just did with that wallpaper, we got a guy lighting his leg on fire after losing a bar bet, a female Hurley eating her way to freedom, Pete Doherty in the hospital and Eric from True Blood getting his freak on and a freak off. Not to mention the young lady who inspired the above collage.
Here’s a song from the juiced-box, dedicated to Kathleen Bugnitz: The LCD Soundystem – Drunk Girl
They got so much weird in Las Cruces, NM that they could fertilize a freaking desert and you don’t even wanna know how i know what kinda weird they got in Las Cruces. Like there were these guys that invented a new drinking game where the guy who drinks the least gets set on fire. Sure, it’s all fun and games until the loser (with only one six-pack) is the guy with the prosthetic leg and when you set him ablaze the leg catches and burns his ass and back so he strips off all his clothes. Being responsible weird you decide to take your smoldering buddy to the hospital, but being Las Cruces weird you chicken out halfway and leave the guy naked and legless on the shoulder of US Interstate 70 where the police can find him. Yeah, you can party all you want but you don’t ever wanna get Las Cruces weird.
Cops came when Denise Hurley did a hit and can’t run and killed a bush. When they started busting her for DUI, she went all wildebeest on their asses and so they tased the crap out of her so much she went to the hospital for observation. They tied her down with nylon straps and stuck IVs in her but, like that trapped wildebeest in the moors or wherever the hell they live, she decided not to chew through her leg but the restraints instead. Second time around, the cops used real cuffs.
How many times have you been sitting in the back of a cab and you gotta take a leak really bad and you’re drunk? You go for it, right? i mean, what the hell. But then the cabbie starts getting up your nose, saying you gotta pay him but what? Not your problem. Until the cops come and then you agree to pay but it’s too late because the cops are in your wallet and they find your fake ID and now it’s your problem because you can’t remember your fake address and you’re only 20 so now you’re going to jail for underage drinking. Don’t you wish you held it in now?
What? You’re a Marine chick and you’re only 20 and drunk in the back of a tank in Iraq? No pro’lem, i got a cammy GO GIRL for you:
He was drinking in Paris and then instead of singing in Nice he opted to go to the hospital. ‘Cause nobody officially said what was up, i’m guessing he was tired of lifting all those glasses and decided to get that crap through an IV drip, plus that way he doesn’t even have to get up to pee because he can use a bedpan which, let’s face it, is really just a medical GO GIRL.
Every guy gets drunk and makes gay jokes. It’s a guy thing. But there are some people out there (mostly European) that like to take it a step further when they tie one on. Turns out that Alexander Skarsgard is a Gay Drunk. (Y’all know Alexander Skarsgard, right? He’s the sexy blonde vampire in True Blood). If you follow the link up there, you’ll see a video with him doin’ all kinds of gay stuff while buzzing. If you’re too lazy, you could just check out this screen cap collage.
There’s another collage and crap down in my drawers (god, that sounds so gay).
Here’s something that’s not gay, an Anna Paquin collage (’cause she’s in True Blood too and is a lot more fun to exposé than Alexander).
Don’t sweat it, there’s more of her waiting way down there in my drawers, also.
Bar None Dregs
‘Member how in the last dregs i talked about a new drink i invented? Well, my buddy Erin (yeah, the famous one) actually made it and sent me a message. And i quote: “I made the drink and it was yummy – sweet!”
Al K Hall’s Drawers
Alexander Skarsgard (33)
Anna Paquin (28)