Directly from the juiced-box and dedicated to Amy Winehouse
[Press 'Play' for a bit of truth]
i’m not a hypocrite. i’m not going to spew forth glorious praise and sentimental platitudes about how Amy Winehouse was a great woman. She was not a great woman. She was an incredibly gifted singer, but the talent that came naturally to her in art deserted her when it came to living.
What A Wasted
Neither will i apologize for making fun of her while she was alive (in posts like the Ten Celebrities i Wanna Get Fucked Up With or Celebrity Dregs: Amy Wino) but i can honestly say i wish i hadn’t had the chance to. i wish she had been able to rein in her demons like many other rising stars that stopped shooting in time to become glowing.
The reasons behind her demise will be debated by better minds than mine but i bet it’ll come down to a fatal cocktail of youth, fame, money, art and especially that thing we addicts have or don’t have that most of you cannot appreciate or understand. Like a diseased gene, it eats us alive from the inside and drives us to places we never really wanted to visit but like a round trip, the vicious circle keeps taking us back until our trip becomes one-way.
Not that i’m making excuses for her. Amy Winehouse’s death is as tragic as her addictions but just as avoidable. The money that opened up the floodgates could’ve just as easily built a damn. She had several opportunities to treat her disease, but like a cancer patient refusing chemo or a drowning man ignoring a helping hand, she chose to let the disease get the best of her. And judging from her recent performances, get the very best of her it did.
On a more personal note, Amy’s brutal passing puts things into perspective for me and i must confess to feeling a degree of gratitude over recent choices i have made that helped me break the viscous circle my life had become. In recent posts, i’ve shared Blasts from my Pabsts i was fortunate to walk away from and, of course, who could forget my harrowing suicide attempt. Wading into the afterlife up to my waist helped me get back on dry land and bring with me the courage to take steps—not the least of which are the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous—to control a life that had become unmanageable. It works if you work it so work it, you’re worth it.
Rest in Peace, indeed. May Amy Winehouse find in death the Peace she sought in all the wrong places while alive.
Before i start opening up my drawers, i’d like to put another song on the juiced-box for while you look at the pictures. It’s an original demo that appeared on the deluxe edition of Back to Black and i’m dedicating it to the girl in the last picture at the bottom of my drawers. Amy Winehouse – Love is a Losing Game (Original Demo)