Go Home Airplane. You’re Drunk.
Too fucking high. i’ve been spending so much time in the dregs lately i’m to the point where i can come up with themes. Today’s theme is “Too Fucking High” ’cause there’s some weird shit going down when people get up, up and away.
From the juiced-box and dedicated to the airheads: Eminem – Superman
[Press 'Play' for "till then just sit your drunk ass on that fuckin' runway hoe"]
Commoner Dregs
Bar None Artist’s Misconception of Kolbjorn Kristiansen
American “Fly Like An” Eagle pilot Kolbjorn Kristiansen was soaring even before he got on the plane. He showed up for his 7 a.m. flight with his BAC already up there and booze on his breath obvious enough for “a witness” to call the sky cops who pulled Cold Bro off the plane and took his ass down, along with the rest of him.
Question: how can you tell if a pilot is FWI (Flying While Intoxicated)? It’s not like there are lines to tell if he’s swerving or anything.
Kolbjorn Jarle Kristiansen Mug Shot
January 4, 2013: A Little Tied Up
Assume trashed positions. Gudmundur Karl Arthorsson of vodka on Iceland decided to get red eyes on the red eye. He drank an entire fifth of duty free booze in the first 2 hours of a 6-hour flight, started grabbing the women next to him but they weren’t the meat or the fish on economy menu. So he spat on some other people to get them as lubricated as he was and then commenced screaming that the plane was going to crash.
After he began choking some dude, the other passengers wanted to get in on the in-fight entertainment so they banded together with some flight attendants and latched his fat behind to the seat. His head was in the clouds but his ass was in a sling.
Celebrity Dregs
November 24, 2012: Muddle of Pudd
Who else other than you is glad their name isn’t Gudmundur? Wes Scantlin, singer of the defunked group Puddle of Mudd. Wes is glad because he pulled the same shit as Gudmundur on an airplane but wasn’t bound and gagged…until he landed in Austin, TX. ‘Cept the plane was going to L.A. Why did the plane land in Texas? For the soul purpose of getting “Scat” off it.
Wes Scantlin Mug Shot
Apparently during the flight he got wasted and then got in a fight with the crew when they wouldn’t sell him booze. i’m thinking it’s not that they wouldn’t but that they couldn’t because he done drank it all.
In an effort to be impaired and unbalanced, i will state for the record that the charges against the Wesser of Two Evils were dropped last November due to lack of evidence.
November 30, 2012: General Inhospitable
Not to be undone by Wes, this soap opera diva got popped before she could get in the aria.
Senait Ashenafi, one time “star” of “General Hospital” was discharged from a plane in Dallas (proving once again that Texas is like Lindsay Lohan: people wanna be drunk when they’re in it) because, basically, she wasn’t being treated like someone of her status. Like she’s the Pope, or even the President, or even Oprah Herself for god’s sake.
Senait Ashenaf Mug Shot
Senait “Investigation” got pissed off because she was seated in economy and not first class. So, no-class babe that she is, she took it out on a flight attendant. i tell you what, just writing these dregs today is given me a whole new respect and pity for flight attendants.
Police came and busted her for public intoxication, which is not all that easy to spot in Texas.
December 27, 2012: What a Pisser!
My favorite thing about the Twilight movies is now the werewolves.
Think about it. Vampires drink blood so they’re of no real interest to alkies, but werewolves are like booze hounds on crack.
Wolfman Jacked: A Bar None Artist’s Deception
Case in point, Bronson Pelletier, aka Jared the Werewolf in the Twilight movies got drunk in an airport and decided to mark his territory like any self rejecting werewolf. There he was peeing all over the place when security came pissed off and arrested him. My second favorite part was were he denied it. My favorite part was when the video of him doing it surfaced days later.
Bar None Dregs
Saint Pauly did it again. His reviews are like Justine Bieber naked: You don’t wanna laugh, but you can’t help yourself.
Click on the link and tell me i’m wrong.
Go here for a complete list of all my websites on one page so you don’t miss out on any of my shit.
Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.
January 28th, 2013 at 9:34 pm
This is me, reading:
dregs, blah, blah, arrests, blah, blah, stupid people, blah, blah, whatever.
*watches video of Bronson Pelletier peeing in airport*
Bwah hah hah hah! I laughed my ass right off. I think that was about the funniest-saddest thing I have seen in a while. Ya gotta be pretty drunk to pull shit (or, rather, pee) like that!
God, that was priceless. I mostly loved the laughter and commentary from the person taking the video – the utter disbelief. And the way the rest of the people just kind of sat there, like they really were just not registering what was going on, lol.
Man.
On a serious note, I hope that Bronson Pelletier can pull it together after something like this. He obviously needs help. That’s not just a one-time drunk situation going on, I don’t think. Even if it is, that is pretty badly drunk to be in an airport & in that state. Plus, most of us have our drunken mishaps only replaying in the privacy of our own heads, and maybe have a situation with a few friends or loved ones to whom we are accountable in on the action. I don’t even know the guy, and I just watched him be totally humiliated in a public video on TMZ. Shit, if my stuff went public in that kind of way… I’d be pretty shattered. I hope that he will be okay and get the help he needs.
xx
Celeste
March 16th, 2013 at 4:22 pm
[...] bet that Bronson Pelletier kid is bumming as he reads this because he’s realizing he could have recycled his buzz AND [...]