From the juiced-box and the soundtrack: Pearl Jam – Release
[Press ‘Play’ for what the movie was shooting for but missed]
Ramblings: Out of the Furnace leaves me cold
Final Proof: 2 Shots
You know how you get drunk in a public toilet? Not one of the nice ones in a fancy rest area but in one of those parks where the grass won’t grow because the ground is dead and the playground equipment is either broken or rusted away and anyway the only kids there are in their 20s and are busy dealing or dropping out. The toilet stalls don’t have doors and the floor is constantly damp where it’s not wet and the odor of pee is as permanent as the brown stains at the bottom of the sinks and toilet paper blocks the back of the bowl so you can’t see whatever is dead or dying at the bottom but it doesn’t stop the smell from permeating your clothes on its way to live in your nose. You have one of those bad buzzes that takes you straight from sober to sick without the detour to drunk and you find yourself ill before your time so you go to puke in the toilet and the shit already in the bowl makes your sicker so you puke more and the smell hits you and it’s a perfect shit storm until finally the only thing you end up heaving is sour spit and you reach for some paper to wipe your face but the roll is empty so you slip and hit your head on the porcelain before landing in the dregs of the person who went there before you. That’s how Out of the Furnace will make you feel.
Look, i ‘m not going to spend a whole lot of time telling you about how this movie sucked especially when it didn’t. The actors were good, so good that even Willem Dafoe brought his A game and we get to watch Casey Affleck prove he’ll be an actor one day, hopefully in time to do a remake of Gone, Baby Gone where he can play the same role only as someone more talented.
And while we’re on the actors and i know a couple of y’all would like to be, shut up talking about Christian Bale because he’s not bad but he’s no Woody Harrelson who fuckin’ rocked this movie as hill folk Harlan DeGroat. His performance here was amazing yet not quite but almost enough to make me forgive his hair piece in Hunger Games.
And the director directed shit and there were the things you expect when you watch a movie, like not too many boring parts were here and the script was full of things like good words and people doing shit you would do and shit. Plus, the Zoe/Christian bridge scene was fucking brilliant and would win an Oscar for best scene if there was such a thing.
If everything was so cool, why did i fucking hate this movie? i’ll tell you, it’s because it was depressing as fuck. The film was like a date with me, it started off in a bad place and only kept going downhill to the point that everybody is looking at their watches before looking for the back door. Yes, it was a well made movie, but who wants to see perfect desperation happening to people you don’t give a shit about? Is a 2-hour movie about torture a good movie if it’s technically well made? You know what, i don’t care. When I spend 2 hours in the dark, i want to have more fun than i had here. This isn’t Europe after all.
Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)
Sex: 0 Shots
Only one woman in this whole fucking thing if you don’t count Peggy (i think her name was Peggy) the cashier at the bar and Brenna Lee Roth as a meth addict,vulnerable and plain, the type i always end up falling for.
The woman in the movie, though, was Zoe Saldana and i don’t think i’ve ever seen her look so good as she did in here. The only thing wrong with her performance was that it was too fucking short.
Here’s what Zoe looks like when she’s out of the furnace and super cold.
There’s gobs more shots of her in my drawers, just scroll all the way down to the bottom.
As mentioned, the beautiful Brenna Lee Roth (who i already spotted in The Road) was in Out of the Furnace for a second, and it was one of the best seconds of the film because she looks and acts this good.
Drink: 3 Shots
Those of you who hang out here regularly know that i rarely give this many shots for booze in a movie and so this was kind of special. Not just because there was a lot of it to be seen, but because it played an important role in the film. Here’s what the blue by blow off that turned out to look like.
- Woody Harrelson pounding vodka from the bottle and kicking the shit out of people in a drive-in
- Willem gives Christian a whiskey from a bottle he initially refuses and they drink a silent toast
- Pivotal moment is a drunk driving accident
- Casey drinking shots of something and Christian drinking beer the night he gets out of jail
- Christian Bale drinking beer on the front porch
- Casey drinks a beer after jogging
- Woody with vodka shots while he sizes up Casey
- Woody drinking moonshine from a mason jar
Rock & Roll: 2 Shots
The film open and closes with the same song: Pearl Jam’s “Release”, which i like but is the only real music in this film that isn’t background incidental music. As far as the action, well, there was that kind of back alley boxing where people don’t wear gloves and fight until someone goes into a coma. There’s some gun play and a kind of exciting-esque scene towards the end but nothing really we’d call rock & roll.
Boring Technical Crap
Written by: Brad Ingelsby and Scott Cooper
Directed by: Scott Cooper
Zoe Saldana – Lena Taylor
Brenna Roth – Meth Girl
Christian Bale – Russell Baze
Woody Harrelson – Harlan DeGroat
Casey Affleck – Rodney Baze Jr.
Sam Shepard – Gerald ‘Red’ Baze
Willem Dafoe – John Petty
Forest Whitaker – Chief Wesley Barnes
Don’t watch this if you like to like movies.
Saint Pauly’s most controversial review and i can’t believe he writes anything controversial compared to my shit but read the comments if you don’t believe me.
Al K Hall’s Drawers
Enough about me, what about Zoe? Note, the photos are pretty pretty and pretty NSFW. You’ve been warned.