You know how i saw RoboCop before any of y’all did because it came out 2 days early here compared to the States? Well, we could weigh the pro and cons of this until the cows come home and ask us what we’re doing trying to place theoretical concepts on a bathroom scale but i think all of us can agree–cows included–that the real reason everyone is jealous of me is that i got to discover Maura Grierson 2 days before the rest of the world and that means i’m 2 days ahead in the Maura appreciation department. Not only did i discover her first, i also got to interview her about her role as the journalist in RoboCop and tons of other stuff at least as interesting. Read on, if you don’t believe me…
It was the craziest thing, I was sitting in the back of a limousine, sipping gulps from a real glass on my way to accept the Global Award for Sarcastic Humor to acknowledge my generous contributions to the universe of the Internets. i won’t lie, the G.A.S.H. i was about to get excited me and i wondered what it would look like and how it would feel and if i would polish it as often as i did my knob (the brass one that matches my balls). Just when i was trying to decide what to do with the G.A.S.H. when i got it home, the limo stopped so suddenly i sloshed my virgin Grey Goose and coke. The back door flew open and in slid what will momentarily come to be known as the new standard for universal beauty.
This incredible blonde reached for my knob (the plastic one on the radio) and turned up Arcade Fire’s “Reflektor”, ’cause she’s all about the radio. As a matter of fact, i of course recognized Maura Grierson right away from all the radio work she does.
“Maura Grierson! Famous sexy woman and funny girl! Wow, they really bent their backs overboard for this thing. Imagine, me being interviewed by Maura Grierson!”
“Oh Al,” she said with that way she has, you know that way, the one that says it all in only two words, “you were sent to interview me, you sad, egotistical, teetotaling son of a beach bum. ”
Al K Hall: Damn, i guess that means no GASH for me tonight. Once again, i’ll come home empty handed, so to speak. But enough about my hand, this interview is all about the ‘Maura’. Speaking of, did your parents name you ‘Maura’ because “That’s less for you and Maura for me?” Or wait, “The Maura the better,” right?
Maura Grierson: [She shot me that look she has--you know the one--the one that says, "shut up".] “Maura” is Gaelic for “Mary”. But alas, “Maura” easily gets mistaken for “Moira” or “Laura”.
Al K Hall: Maybe you should work on getting a fresh name?
Maura: When I’m feeling particularly fresh I go by ‘Mo G’, but only a select few know this.
Al K Hall: Got it. You can trust me, i’ll keep that secret to my grave. Like your address.
Maura: I live in Toronto now, but was born in Guelph.
Al K Hall: Whoa, was that a wet burp or are you just happy to taste that drink again? “Guelph” sounds really freaking Canadian, though. Like what’s something super Canadian about you?
Maura: I went to university in Montreal and it was there that I learned overalls shouldn’t be worn to the bar. Funny, overalls are now back in style… so looks like I wasn’t so off point.
Al K Hall: Like you could ever be off point about anything. As far as setting fashion trends, how do the cool kids like you get their kicks?
Maura: I usually play with Jerry for a bit.
Al K Hall: And Jerry’s what you call your…
Maura: Jerry’s my new kitten.
Al K Hall: That’s what i meant, but what about the hard partying life of a rock and roll queen?
Maura: I get up super early for my radio gig so I’m a bit of a nerd weeknights. I like to be in bed by 9:30. Weekend evenings must involve food with friends, then I’m happy.
[Press 'Play' for "Happy", by Pharrell Williams, a song Maura herself requested from the Juiced-box]
Al K Hall: Yeah, “happy”. i bet you are. What’s something you do when you get a get a few bottles’ worth of “happy”?
Maura: I can balance a pint full of beer on my head for as long as you ask me to.
Al K Hall: Better be careful, i can ask people to do stuff for a long time. Is beer the secret to your amazing sense of humor?
Maura: I’m the baby of a 5-kid family. We were loud at dinner tables and verbal abuse was encouraged and considered hilarious the harsher it got. I steal most of my material from my older brothers who are the funniest people I’ve ever met.
Al K Hall: Yeah, but looks aren’t everything. While we’re on the subject of looks, i’d love to see more of your sparkly pants dance like in your “Showhouse Showdown” clip on YouTube. Where would a guy be able to find something like that?
Maura: Oh yes! Check out this for a break-dancing vignette entitled ‘Maura Grierson Break Dancing’ and thank me later.
Al K Hall: Hell, i’ll thank you now and avoid the rush. That was crazy good, emphasis on the ‘crazy’. How’d you get a start in the break dancing radio business?
Maura: I have always known I wanted to be a performer. As long as I’m on the mic, or in front of a camera I’m happy.
Al K Hall: Which is cooler, the mic or the camera?
Maura: In radio, you can show up in whatever outfit you want, with no make-up and crazy hair and still put on a great show. In film and TV there are all those extra hours just getting ready to look the part before you even begin to do the work. But I love it all.
Al K Hall: You host the show Battle of the Blades which as near as i can tell is like a Dancing with Stars on ice skates because it’s Canadian. Don’t you freeze your balls off? Metaphorically?
Maura: I got to be a part of Season 3 of BOTB. I was a competitive figure skater for most of my life and often wondered when I moved on from the sport if I’d ever use what I learned on the ice. When the opportunity came along to work on Battle of the Blades, it seemed like the perfect combination of all of my skill sets. It was awesome to be on the ice again.
Al K hall: That explains so much about your moves. And how you have the poise for the beer on the head thing. Was skating hard?
Maura: 6 am practices 6 days a week for most of my life!
Al K Hall: Jesus, sounds like you’ll take any job as long as you can wake up early in the morning. Were you an early bird to get the worm in RoboCop? If memory serves, your first scene is also the first in the film. You’re a reporter on the scene in Iran with Samuel L Jackson in ‘the studio’. So the shoot was like a real life Argo, i bet.
Maura: The scene in Iran was actually shot on a huge outdoor set in Toronto.
Al K Hall: No! Next you’re gonna say the presentation of RoboCop to the public wasn’t filmed in Detroit…
Maura: The Mayor’s presentation of RoboCop was shot at a building at the University of Toronto. They flew me to Vancouver as well for a few scenes.
Al K Hall: You jet setter, you. But the booze, babe: was there a wrap party?
Maura: Yes, there was a wrap party! But I was on my best behavior.
Al K Hall: Wow, what’s that like? ‘Course i’m internationally unknown for being on my best misbehavior, so to each his own, i guess. Obviously, you know how to act in all situations, so if a casting agent or director or whatever is reading this, what’s the best way to contact you?
Al K Hall: Now it’s time for the dreaded Bar None questionnaire. Think of it like my virginity: awkward but the trauma will fade with time. What’s your favorite alcoholic drink?
Maura: Red wine.
Al K Hall: To match your eyes, right? No? OK, moving right along. When was the last time you had a hangover?
Maura: I’m pretty good at avoiding those these days, thank god!
Al K Hall: That’s what they all say, and then they wake up under an overpass with puke on the only shoe they have left. Oh wait, that was just me. Speaking of, what’s your favorite thing about me?
Maura: That you live in [Yeaman]! Great choice.
Al K Hall: Ah well, you know, you don’t choose Yeaman, Yeaman chooses you.
Just at that precise moment, the limo pulled to a complete stop in front of the red carpet. i tried to get out and walk it with Maura but cops were on me faster than penicillin on syphilis, so you’re going to have to be satisfied in knowing that from here Maura went on to become the international superstar that stole our hearts.
That ends the entertainment portion of our show. i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again, this whole exchange in the limo never really took place because i never really met Maura face to face. The entire interview was done through e-mail, and while i rearranged and reworked my questions, her answers remain untouched and exactly as she sent them to me.
i owe a big debt of gratitude (which is all i can afford) to Maura for taking the time out of her busy schedule to do this. She graciously accepted my request for an interview…which we knocked out in 2 days because she was pressed for time to get to the RoboCop World Premiere in Los Angeles. While i took my sweet time editing and blowing off, she made a huge effort to entertain us here at the Bar None, so y’all should be grovelling, too. Thanks Maura, for rocking it the hard way.
Signing off, here’s another of the songs she chose from the juiced-box: Souls Of Mischief – From 93 Till Infinity
If y’all are interested in the other The Booze Talkin’: Exclusive Interviews, just click on the link.