Category Archives: Gossip

March 16, 2013

Dregs of the Week: February – March 2013 (for starters)

By Al K Hall
Kesha 2013-03-05 Wallpaper in the Bar None Dregs

Ke$ha Wallpaper in the Bar None – Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

Here then are the real dregs for the last week or so many other weeks that i’ve stopped counting. They’re short and sweat, just the way we like ‘em here in the Bar None where urine for a treat from Ke$ha, Bieber’s top fucks up his Karma and i cure fucking hangovers. Keep on reading, you don’t beliebe me…

[Press 'Play' for "I'm pissin' in the Dom Pérignon (C'mon let's do it now)"]

Commoner Dregs

2013-03-16 Girl Hungover Bar None Wallpaper dregs

Girl. Hungover Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

February 20: This is Sickening

You know me (and if you don’t, i’m not the one), i hate to give bad news here ’cause i’m all about the yucks but don’t shoot the messager because i’m the guy to tell you that hangovers may stop existing.

Researchers in California (which, contrary to popular belief is not the Hangover State, that honor is reserved for Innebreity) are developing a pill that will, similar to Nicolas Cage, act like your liver.

Hangover Girl 01 Bar None Dregs AlKHall Barbara Palvin

What a disaster! No more hangovers! Who will be left to drive the porcelain bus? Who will put the technicolor in the burp? Who will call God on the big white phone?

Hangover Girl 02 Bar None Dregs AlKHall

It doesn’t stop there. What will be left to make make people promise to stop drinking? Imagine the hurt pain reliever sales will feel. The hangover is a rite of wrong every high school student needs to learn a lesson from. Just think, if there are no more hangovers, men will keep drinking Southern Comfort past their college years and women will continue to tipple peppermint schnapps if not into adulthood, at least someplace adulthood adjacent.

So protest, Barmaids and Beerhounds! Protest, i say! Go out and get your face so totally shat that you feel your essence rise high and higher from your body to the summit of the mountain of shit until the buzz stops and drops you all the way down into the deaths of despair with a hangover only suicide can cure. That’ll show those medical geeks that there is no cure for stupidity.

Hangover Girl 03 Bar None Dregs AlKHall

Celebrity Dregs

bar none dregs AlKHall

Tik Tok: Don’t stop

February 13: Urine for a Treat

There’s just weird and then there’s this and by ‘this’ i mean Ke$ha: the girl you hate to love, and pray doesn’t become a role model to your teenage daughter.

The only thing that could make her any better would be if she’d been a Disney Baby Princess in a past life but even without that you still gotta like where this is goin’ and where this is goin’ is right in her mouth because not only does the chick like to get pissed in the UK sense meaning drunk, but she drinks it too.

Kesha 00 Bar None Dregs pee

A pic Ke$ha posted of herself peeing

She gave this interview with a British newspaper where she talked about how she’s been partying with her little brother and his tag for 2 years and doing shit like getting drunk at 6am and drinking her own pee. Which actually makes a lot of sense and is good for the environment because it’s recycling. She gets drunk, drinks her own pee and gets drunk on the booze in her pee.

Bar None Exclusive Interview with Ke$ha

Bar None Exclusive Interview with Ke$ha

i bet that Bronson Pelletier kid is bumming as he reads this because he’s realizing he could have recycled his buzz AND avoided arrest in the airport where he peed all over the floor in public.

There’ll be some solo shots of Ke$ha filling my drawers and you’ll wanna check that out all the way down there at the bottom of this post. You can’t miss it.

March 8: A Lil Twisted

Once again i must play the part of the world’s conscience and believe me, nobody hates it more than you do, but i can’t sleep idly by when i witness such blatant prejudice against a group of people and yes, Barmaids and Beerhounds, i’m talking about drunk drivers.

Lil Twisted Bad Karma 03 bar none dregs AlKHall

Proof Bieber is a Lesbian

Never before has any group of individuals been as persecuted, prosecuted and vilified as drunk drivers. Some police officers even target drunk drivers and believe it or not, a few drunk drivers even spend years in prison!

Thank god, stars are still safe from this horrible Schlitz hunt. Vince Neil served 15 days after killing a man while drunk driving and now we have something similar but with a Lil Twist.

Lil Twisted Bad Karma 01 bar none dregs AlKHall

Bar None Artist’s Misdirection

Lil Twist (and if rappers chose anatomically correct handles, his would be “Lil Willy”) is best friends with another willy and by that i mean Justin Bieber and those two willies must be very hard to separate, they must stick together through thick and thin, they must stand tall as they come to face hardships because Bieber lets Willy drive his car no matter how many times Willy wrecks it.

There was that one time this “person” killed a paparazzi in Bieber’s car, and now he borrowed Lil Beeby’s toy sports car (it’s called a fucking “Karma” for fuck’s sake, which is only ½ step up from calling it a “Cartoon”) and drove it into cement protection poles at a…liquor store. Then they did what you and i would do in the same situation: they told all the witnesses it was Bieber’s car, threw the loose pieces in the back of a BMW and fled the scene. OK, they did what we would do if we were super rich and  douches.

Lil Twisted Bad Karma 02 bar none dregs AlKHall

A real photo of where the accident should’ve taken place

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

From now on it’s just hot pics of Ke$ha so don’t feel you have to keep reading just to make me happy. Click on the link only for you…

Continue reading

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March 5, 2013

The Hot Rod Unloads: The Russian Meteor Explained, and Other Stories.

By The Hot Rod

Post-102-Russian-Meteor-and-Other-Stories

Earlier in February, the world stopped – gobsmacked – for the well documented “meteorite” that flew through the skies of Russia, broke a few windows, scared the shit out of some Ruskies going about their business selling Vodka, and exploded itself all over the place. Scientists scrambled to explain the phenomena, citizens feared some kind of war had begun, and the Government came out and reassured everyone that it was an aberration. Of course, NASA and all the other space agencies and rocket scientists are still scanning the sky to determine when – not if – the next big chunk of space debris is going to collect our planet and scatter our existence into oblivion; what they didn’t realize, however, was that the Russian Meteor Event wasn’t exactly all it seemed to be at first glance. Yes, it was spectacular, and yes, people were injured by exploding glass and vodka bottles, but the reason behind this meteor is elegantly simple, and I’m just as surprised as you that nobody else has figured it out yet. Want to know what it was, really?

Continue reading

2 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , | posted in Dregs of the Week, Gossip, Guest post, Humor

January 12, 2013

Charlie Sheen’s Got A New Whore

By Al K Hall

January 8, 2013: Happy New Whore!

Georgia Jones 2013-01-13 Bar None Wallpaper

Georgia Jones Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

From the juiced box and dedicated to Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa: Machine Gun Kelly – LTFU (One More Time)

[Press 'Play' for "For the unforgettable nights we couldn't take in / Cause we were to busy guzzlin the gin / All in, til we spew it up / My city love me so whenever I'm home / I get the messages saying that it is on"]

Charlie Sheen has got himself a new whore. After Bree Olson’s twins dumped him, he’s now seeing Georgia “On My Mind” Jones, who’s way classier because she only does lesbian (see above wallpaper, in case you missed it) or solo (check out my drawers down below). But she’s not what i mean by “new whore” and if that’s what you thought i meant then you don’t know me very well because i’d never call a woman that and especially not one who is one.

Charlie Sheen & Georgia Jones 01 bar none dregs going to the Bar None

Charlie Sheen & Georgia Jones Going to the Bar None

Charlie Sheen & Georgia Jones Going to the Bar None

Charlie Sheen & Georgia Jones Going to the Bar None

Charlie Sheen & Georgia Jones 03 bar none dregs in the Bar None

Charlie Sheen & Georgia Jones in the Bar None

Charlie Sheen & Georgia Jones 04 bar none dregs in the Bar None

Charlie Sheen & Georgia Jones in the Bar None

No, Charlie’s new bit on the side is none other than Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa. The two Californicators partied together in Cabo San Lucas (which is messican for “Party Central”), MeXXXico.

Charlie Sheen & Antonio Villaraigosa 01 in the Bar None tweet bar none dregs

Charlie Sheen tweeting from the Bar None

Charlie Sheen & Antonio Villaraigosa 02 in the Bar None bar none dregs

Charlie Sheen & Antonio Villaraigosa in the Bar None

Sheen had this to say about it.

“He can drink with the best of ‘em: Me.”

The two boys spoke for hours and drank tons and all around hit it off so well that now his Dishonor is going into denial, telling everyone that the meeting was only a quickie. Knowing Sheen as well as Georgia Jones, 3 minutes sounds about right.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

Here’s the Bar None artist’s rejection of what partying with Antonio Villaraigosa would be like.

Antonio Villaraigosa 01 bar none dregs

Antonio Villaraigosa 02 bar none dregs

Antonio Villaraigosa 03 bar none dregs

Antonio Villaraigosa 04 bar none dregs

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.

The single shots of Gorgeous Georgia Jones are right here, just click on the link.

Continue reading

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October 10, 2012

“Yeah, I Hit That”: The Real “Real” Chris Brown

By Al K Hall

[Before you get all up in my shit about how politically incorrect i am, please read the disclaimer at the end of this post.]

From the Juiced-box and dedicated to Rihanna: Big Sean feat. Chris Brown – My Last

[Press 'Play' to hear Chris Brown sing, "And I'm a hit this drink up like it's my last, I'm a hit this night up like it's my last, I'm a hit this ass up, like it's my last"]

Celebrity Dreg

i didn’t tell y’all before because i’m telling you now.

i’m dating Rihanna.

Not right this second, but i’m dating her pretty soon and i can make this statement with a certain certitude because i’m convinced with a conviction as strong as Chris Brown’s that Rihanna’s got the necessary amount of stupid it takes to date me.

Don’t even try to tell me you don’t know what i’m talkin’ about, either. Haters be hatin’ and players be playin’ but don’t go doin’ neither on my ass, yo, ’cause you know damn well you saw the video where Chris Brown talks about how how hard it is to be in love with two ladies women at the same time and if you didn’t it’s at the top of this post.

The rumors have it that Rihanna is going to take Chris back and why the hell wouldn’t she?

Rihanna beaten up by Chris Brown The Bar None

Chris Brown on Rihanna: “I’d Hit That.”

i already told you like a month ago about how she’s got a drinking problem and hell, the first thing the ‘real’ Chris Brown says in that video is that he’s drunk and even in that fucking song he says first he’s gonna hit the bottle and then he’s gonna hit that ass.

So the mutual enabling for alcoholism is a giant thumbs up your ass and the codependency is all systems go to hell. Plus Chris Brown practiced not beating up a girl for one year and, to top it all off, Rihanna will chant the mantra of beaten and abused women across the country, “He’s changed, he said he’s sorry…”

Rihanna Beaten Meat The Bar None

You know what, though? Rihanna ain’t never gonna date my sorry ass and here’s why. i would never hit on her…

Disclaim-her

Just one thing before you go ballistic on me. i wrote this post out of anger that any woman would consider getting back together with the man who abused her. i have absolutely no sympathy for abusers, and while i understand the mechanics of this kind of relationship are complicated, they’re really not. Someone beats you, you leave and you don’t look back and you certainly don’t go fucking back to them so they can do it again.

For those of you who would say abusers can change, i’ll say “Good for them, they still deserve to be deserted as punishment for their heinous acts.”

For those of you who would point the finger at me and say maybe then i don’t deserve forgiveness for some of the asshole things i did while i was still a practicing alcoholic, i agree 100 fucking percent. If you’re one of the people i hurt through my drinking, i totally get that you would not want to forgive me and don’t blame you at all. If you are not one of these people, don’t judge me until you’ve puked a mile in my booze.

For those of you who would say that all this shit isn’t my business, i’ll stop posting this kind of commentary when Rihanna stops tweeting about her relationships and Chris Brown stops pretending to be real in the video messages he posts on fucking YouTube. Until that time, alls fair in drugs and whores.

OK, now you can go ballistic on me.

Bar None Dregs

Go here for a complete list of all my websites on one page so you don’t miss out on any of my shit.

All About Al K Hall

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.

12 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | posted in Alcohol, Booze Nooze, Booze Toonze - The Bar None's Juice-Box, Dregs of the Week, Functional Alcoholics Slurperson (FASe), Gossip, Humor

September 2, 2012

Dregs of the Summer: The Week of July & August, 2012 (and then some)

By Al K Hall
Rihanna Dregs 2012-09-02 Collage Wallpaper

Rihanna Dregs Collage Wallpaper – Click on the Shot for the Wallpaper

Dregs wait for no time, not even summer time, and here’s a mess o’ proof of that right here. We got Rihanna partying harder than her body, Adele living larger than hers, and Kristen Stewart hanging looser than hers. There’s a drunk Bigfoot, how to get rich tips and the Sunny Iranians (or was it the Shite ones?) discover a cure for hangovers.

Rihanna will drink to that: Rihanna – Cheers (Drink To That)

[Press 'Play' to "Turn it around with another round"]

Commoner Dregs

2012/08/28: Sasquatch Me Now

Bigfoot Six Pack Coors

Another Bigfoot Sighting

Another Bigfoot Sighting

Ah, Montana, where the men are men and Bigfoot wasn’t dead…until last Tuesday. This guy, Randy (and aren’t we all after a few drinks), dressed up in a camouflage suit and ran around on the highway at night to start a Bigfoot sighting hoax. Unfortunately, Bigfoot is not as likeable as Randy may have thought because he was run over. Twice. First by a 15-year-old girl, then a 17-year-old girl.

While we could spend all night debating the possible merits of running around the freeway at night drunk and wearing camouflage, i suspect there was another reason Randy met his Makers Mark. You’ll notice both girls who ran over him were in their teens. Well, i’ve always raised my teenage daughter with the education that, when in the company of men, if she sees something she doesn’t recognize she should run it over–twice. Randy was running around erect and hairy, after all.

2012/06/25: Iranians Find Cure for Hangovers

There were these two guys in Iran-so-far-away who kept getting drunk all the time so the religious government (God is my “vice” president) decided to step in and help eliminate those annoying hangovers once and for all by killing the drunkards. And it wasn’t easy. The first two times the govern-mentals tried whipping the alkies into shape but when that didn’t take, they decided to hang them dry. Talk about drinking yourself to death.

bottle alcohol noose execution

Hang ‘Em By The Neck Until They’re Cold

2012/08/30: Let Them Drink Cake

You know how all the world’s Australians are super nice and super helpful? Well, the world’s richest woman is no exception. Because she likes those of us here in the Bar None so much, she’s decided to share some of her get rich quick tips with us so we, too, can have more money than we know how to count.

There is no monopoly on becoming a millionaire. If you’re jealous of those with more money, don’t just sit there and complain. Do something to make more money yourself – spend less time drinking, or smoking and socializing and more time working.

Hmm. Wise words indeed. She tells us what not to do, but not exactly what to do. Unless you read between the lines because what’s she’s really saying is, “Let them eat cake.”

Gina Rinehart Let Them Eat Cake

Gina Rinehart

Celebrity Dregs

Adele Smoking in the Bar None

Adele Smoking in the Bar None – Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

2012/06/20: She’s Adele of a Drinker

You know how Adele is pregnant and you don’t care? Here’s something a little more up our collective alley (and i’ll stay out of yours if you stay out of mine), she’s an alkie wanna-be. Alcoholism: Many are chosen but few are called. While she may sing like an angel, she drinks like a fish, which makes me think her album 21 Proof was not written about some guy, but her heartbreaking love affair with the bottle. This explains the secret behind songs like “Someone Likes Booze”, “Get Higher In The Rain”, or “Our Rum Has It”.

Makes me wonder what she was really Rolling in the Deep.

Adele in the Bar None

Adele: Two Fisted Drinker in the Bar None

2012/08/31: Cheers (Drunk To That)

Rihanna Drunk 01 in the Bar None

Rihanna in the Bar None

Times change. People change. It is with great somnolence that i strip Lindsay Lohan of the Bad Habit of Bar Nun so that i can crown a new Patronizing Sainte.

Sure, Lindsay had a couple DUI’s but i think we all knew deep down that while she may have given her liver to booze, her heart belonged to coke. Which is why i’m glad to announce that Rihanna is now the Bar None’s Bar Nun.

Not only did Jay Z, a man who stabbed a rival in the stomach at a bar, tell her she should go to rehab for alcohol but every time she goes to a new territory she has to mark it getting shit faced in it.

Most recently she went to a London club called the Rose Club (who are still wishing they’d thought of the name “Bar None”), where she got drunk on champagne and cocktails, then jumped on the table, broke it, and started to get thrown out until her friends yelled at the bouncers that they were up chucking THE Rihanna.

The Bar Nun is infallible like the Pope, which got proved when the bouncers put her down and apologized and the bar owner sent free drinks—and a new table—over to the table.

She left at 4am. To go to another party. Respect.

Rihanna Dregs 2012-09-02 Drunk Collage Wallpaper

Rihanna’s Bar None Collage – Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

Tons more shots of Rihanna after the link that says “Continue reading” at the bottom of this post.

2012/07/27 The Real Reason Kristen Stewart Cheated With Rupert Sanders

Kristen Stewart & Rupert Sanders in the Bar None

Kristen Stewart & Rupert Sanders in the Bar None

Kristen Stewart & Rupert Sanders in the Bar None

Kristen Stewart & Rupert Sanders in the Bar None

Kristen Stewart

“Are you sure you’re really a movie director?”

Bar None Dregs

The Juiced Box

Just to let you know that i’ve put together a playlist of songs on the Juiced-box here in the Bar None.

Also, Saint Pauly posted a pretty funny review of The Resident over at WTF!? (Watch the Film).

The Resident 01 poster

Go here for a complete list of all my websites on one page so you don’t miss out on any of my shit.

All About Al K Hall

Al K Hall’s Drawers

Follow the “Continue Reading” link to enter the drawers.

Continue reading

4 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | posted in Alcohol, Booze Nooze, Booze Toonze - The Bar None's Juice-Box, D.R.I.N.K.E.R., Dregs of the Week, Drinking, Gossip, Humor

May 28, 2012

Dregs of the Week: May 2012

By Al K Hall
Jenna Jameson 2012-05-27 Collage

Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

Jenna Jameson invents a whole new kind of Dirty Pole Dancing, James Bond gets rich drinking beer, and Kate Middleton, the already rich Princess of Tarts, would like to teach the world to drink. Then all kinda dregs are running round round baby in the Bar None dregs.

To kick things off, how ’bout something from the Juiced box and dedicated to Jenna Jameson: Airbourne – Cheap Wine & Cheaper Women.

[Press 'Play' for something like Jenna Jameson on a roller coaster...cheap thrills]

Celebrity Dregs

May 18: Your Palace or Mine

What do you call a Jubilee with no cherries? A Diamond Jubilee and they have them like every year in England. My favorite princess (well, after Clotilde Courau), Kate Middleton, invited everyone over to her palace to get them Royally drunk. i bet they served Crown Royal.

i crammed some shots of Kate into my drawers down there.

April 10: Heinie, Shaken Then Stirred

The news is out that 007% will now order a Heineken beer and not his dry martini in the next Bond movie that i’m not gonna name here because i’m against publicizing the shit that powers the powers that be.

At least it’s not cheap beer. Heineken paid the movie folk 45 million dollars for James to saddle up to the bar and order an “Icy Heinie, shaken then slurred. “

Of course all these Bond purists have their Miss Moneypanties in a wad because it’s not cricket, but i bet they wouldn’t have so many scruples if someone offered them $45,000,000 to drink a beer. Hell, i’ve been in Alcoholics Anonymous for well over a year and i for sure could afford to fall off the wagon a little bit for 45 million. Anybody who tells you different doesn’t know what money is.

Here’s another Bond staple: Bond Girls.

Bond Girls

Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

May 25: Get Off the Pole Jenna

The category is: things porn stars do to poles. Award winning actress Jenna Jameson got to banging again last week except this time it was a telephone pole and that’s not even a euphemism. She hit the bottle and then the pole and she’s just wishing it was a strip pole. It doesn’t seem she rear ended it but she will no doubt be sore because she refused medical attention and went straight to the slam-her (yes, i did and i’ll do it again if i have to ).

She was arrested on suspicion of drunk driving because she smelled like the insides of Ron Jeremy’s Depends after he nurses his rum but she was in and out of the pokey faster than a premature incarceration. Anyway, i know y’all only read this for the wrecks, so here it is.

Jenna Jameson Now

Jenna Jameson: After / Don’t Click On The Shot For A Wallpaper

Yeah, i got some extra shots of Jenna bulging out of my drawers down at the bottom of this mess.

Bar None Dregs

From The Bar None’s Facebook page you can’t call me your friend if you haven’t joined yet.

Also in the news, my wife changed her name from Mrs Demeanor to Celeste E Hall and has changed her blog address accordingly. Click here to get there.

What!? You haven’t read The Rod‘s latest post!? What are you still doing here?

Also, Saint Pauly posted another WTF!?

Go here for a complete list of all my websites on one page so you don’t miss out on any of my shit.

Al K Hall on About Me

Al K Hall’s Drawers

Kate Middleton

Kate Middleton Drinking in the Bar None

Kate Middleton Stealing a Drink from the Bar None

Kate Middleton Drinking in the Bar None

Kate Middleton Drinking in the Bar None

Kate Middleton Drinking in the Bar None

Kate Middleton Drinking in the Bar None

Kate Middleton

Kate Middleton 02 Upskirt

Kate Middleton 03 Upskirt

Kate Middleton Bikini

Kate Middleton Bikini

Kate Middleton Bikini

Kate Middleton Ass

Kate Middleton Ass

Jenna Jameson

Jenna Jameson 00 in the Bar None

Jenna Jameson in the Bar None

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.

3 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | posted in Alcohol, Booze Nooze, D.R.I.N.K.E.R., Dregs of the Week, Drinking, Functional Alcoholics Slurperson (FASe), Gossip, Humor, Mug Shot, Uncategorized

May 13, 2012

Dregs of the Week: May Whatever, 2012

By Al K Hall

LUSH (Lesbian Until Sober, Honey) Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

To all you mothers out there… a special Dregs dedicated to those special women in our lives that make each day easier, better and sweeter–and our mothers, too. i’d also like to take this opportunity to come, come, come out in support of Obama’s pro-gay marriage stance. i think my position on the issue should be pretty clear from the above collage / wallpaper. You know who’s joining me? Mariah Carey was Lesbian for an evening as well. Read on!

Commoner Dregs

2012-05-13: Putting the ‘Mother’ Back in ‘Mother Fucker’

Rather than spew on and on about how much i love mothers, i thought it’d be a less fitting and more interesting tribute if i went through my a Top 10 Lips of…

10 Mothers In The Bar None

1. A good mother teaches her daughter a career

2. A smart mother teaches a career by example

3. A good mother keeps liquor out of her children’s reach

4. A proud mother takes frequent pictures of her children

5. A Fairly God Mother lives like Sleeping Beauty: Happily Ever After

6. A concerned mother provides air bags even on a bicycle

7. A protective mother looks out for her baby. And her dog. In the tub.

8. A thoughtful mother is always prepared

9. A loving mother stays by her child forever and ever. No matter what.

10. A good mother…yeah, i got nothing.

March 15, 2012: Going Native

XXXX, an Australian beer, has made the brave decision of coming out of the closet in erecting an ivory tower of support for US President Obama’s backing stance behind gay marriages. While not officially stating this, their latest promotional event makes it clear that the fourth X in their Triple X is NOT a chromosome.

Their idea is to send four mates out on an island alone, with no women. You can “banter with your mates” on this “ultimate destination for mates’ trips away”, and as for the rest, well: “The sunny sky’s the limit.“

Coors Was Behind Gays Before XXXX

Celebrity Dregs

Mariah Carey at the Abbey - West Hollywood

Mariah Carey at the Abbey – West Hollywood

May 10: Smells Fishy To Me

You’ve heard of LUG (Lesbian Until Graduation), but here’s LUSH (Lesbian Until Sober, Honey). Maria Carey celebrated gay marriage in her own way by going out (and in and out and in and out and in) to The Abbey in West Hollywood which everybody knows is a lesbian bar. Hairy Carey hung out until closing time and then went somewhere else to hang out. Let’s face it, she hangs out a lot, wherever she goes.

Mariah Carey Hanging Out

Mariah Carey Hanging Out

Bar None Dregs

Drunk & Demotivated: Stinking Rich

Just to let you know, Saint Pauly posted another not unfunny review at that site he keeps afloat. What can i say? He’s got a good sense of humor, which is a good thing because he needs one with the face he’s got.

Thanks for patronizing me, Barmaids and Beerhounds,

Al K Hall

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.

7 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | posted in Alcohol, Booze Nooze, D.R.I.N.K.E.R., Dregs of the Week, Drinking, Gossip, Humor

December 1, 2011

Sheen There, Done That, Lost the T-Shirt

By Al K Hall

TMZ posted this picture and claimed it was Charlie Sheen giving money to the poor.

Bullshit. This is the poor giving money to Charlie Sheen. The dude on the ground saw the Sheener and said, “You look like a sober Roy Orbinson brah, go buy yourself some inebriation and clothes that don’t hurt my eyes so much.”

4 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , | posted in Booze Nooze, D.R.I.N.K.E.R., Dregs of the Week, Functional Alcoholics Slurperson (FASe), Gossip, Humor

November 26, 2011

Dregs of the Week: October 31 – November 13, 2011 (and many more)

By Al K Hall

Click on the Shot for the Wallpaper

Dregs, dregs, everywhere and not a drop to drink. We got a drunken 3-way that went down (literally) to a drunken 2-way that finished in a 1-way street straight to jail. We got them Wisconsin dregs which are so liquor sodden they may never get off the bottom. We got us co-ed buck naked drunk drivers of all sexes in two continents dregs. We got near beer for bitches and other dogs as well dregs plus more drunken celebrities than you can shake your stick at.

From the juiced-box and dedicated to this week’s miscreants…from Katy Perry’s lips to your ears: Katy Perry – Last Friday Night.


[Press 'Play' for a song that goes, "Last Friday night / Yeah I think we broke the law / Always say we're gonna stop /Whoa-oh-oah." In fact, this song is so entirely about going out and getting shit faced that i've included allthe lyrics down in the Bar None Dregs at the bottom.]

Commoner Dregs

November 8: Threesome-thing Else

What were you doing when you were 22? If you were anything like me and you were a guy, you were touching yourself while fantasizing about a 3-way sex romp with two girls. This Jorge Daniel Silva kid had it all in the palm of his hand and i don’t mean his frothing protein stick because he had two probably really hot girls (and even if they weren’t, who cares!? THEY WERE 2 GIRLS AND THEY WERE MAKING OUT IN FRONT OF HIM) making out in front of him and they wanted him to join in. So what  does this drunken bastitch do?

Warning: When i tell you, you may well never want to drink again, so keep reading only if you want to be dry for the rest of your life because this guy was so drunk HE GOT JEALOUS. His wife was one of the willing participants in this hole affair, after he talked her into it, but when she kissed the other babe he got so jealous he started beating on his wife. The babes ran into another room but Hi Ho’ Silva thought they ladies were gettin’ down to business in there so he kicked down the door, punched his wife some more and when the other woman tried to stop him, he wailed on her, too.

The funny thing is, when he sobers up, he’s going to be beating himself up worse than he ever did the ladies.

Bar None's Artist's Hallucination of Hole Affair

October 27: Blame It On Ohio This woman, Erin Holdsworth, had everything going for her. Thin, drunk and under 30 with a penchant for driving naked… what could go wrong? Quite a lot when you want to do all this at the same time.

i blame it all on the state that’s so boring even its name sounds like a yawn and i don’t mean the State of Inebriation but sometimes a daytrip there is the only ticket out of the ennui known as Ohio. Which would certainly explain why Barin’ Erin went barrelin’ past the cops at 110 mph and on her way to naked. The mandatory car chase ensued reaching speeds of up to 128 mph but not topping them because Erin had no topping. When she finally pulled over, she got out of her car wearing plastic wrap or some shit. Then she was all calm getting in the cop car, but once inside she freaked probably because she couldn’t find a pole and realized she’d been tricked and was not in a strip club but on her way to the pokey.

Speaking of pokies, there are some drawer shots of naked drivers “down there”. Just keep scrolling down until you hit the dirt.

October 30: Stick Shifting Not to be outdone or overdressed, some guy decided to export the sport of Nastycar racing to Moscow on a Sunday, for he too got super naked and bare ass drunk.

Here’s what’s kind of amazing. He was drunk driving, almost rammed a school bus full of children (which oughta teach those pesky Russkies not to send their children to school on Sundays), and connected with 17 cars, injuring several people but still the police had to chase him “across a large part of the capital”. The fuck!? Did the 17 cars not slow him down at all? i’m thinking the guy should get some kind of drunk driving medal of dishonor because 4 of the 17 cars were police cruisers.

Bar None Artist's Hallucination

November 8: Doggie Style Beer When is a beer not a beer? When it’s made with neither hops nor carbonation, has no alcohol and comes in two flavors: beef and chicken. Is this still a beer? i’m not convinced but Bowser Beer seems to think it is, because he’s marketing this sweet malt barley beverage as beer for dogs.

i dunno. The hops, alcohol and carbonation in beer is bad for the fairer pet and if you can’t use this to get a bitch drunk and screw the pooch, then it’s not beer in my book. Tell you what, i’ll rethink this when i  walk into a bar and the tender asks if i want my brew chicken or beef flavored.

You ask me and i’ma tell you even if you don’t, Chick Beer is real beer and is marketed for babes who aren’t dogs.

In Dog Beers, I've only had one.

Speaking of babes who aren’t dogs, there’s some drawer shots of this mess down there, too.

November Something: WisconSin

The 50 drunkest States in the US are… Not really, the 16 drunkest States are at the other end of that link above if you wanna go there, but i can tell you right now that the #1 Drunkest State in the US is Wisconsin. Just in case you’re having troubles picturing that, here’s what it looks like.

Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

Celebrity Dregs

Avril Lavigne in the Bar None - Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

November 6: Avril Goes Round for Round

If you’re going to whup one ass this year, let it be as fine as Avril Lavigne’s who got hers kicked outside a bar in the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel. But people, come on! If you’re kicking ass then kick the ass—not the face! When it comes to asses, my motto has always been “Make love, not war.”

You know who got the worst of it though? The boyfriend, of course. You know me (and if you don’t then i’ve got just the thing to fill that empty hole), i don’t understand a lot about many things but what i’ve gotten out of this is that Avril got drunk and started talking shit with some other chicks and that got physical so her boyfriend was all like “Stop” so they dragged his ass into it and the boyfriends of the other chicks jumped in and jumped them and hit Brody Jenner (Avril’s penile implant).

Which, come one now, is totally understandable. Seriously, the price you pay to tap someone like Avril Lavigne’s ass is getting yours dragged into the shit and kicked twice yearly. Totally worth it, am i right?

Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

You will not believe the drawer shots i got going on down there of this mess.

November 3: Something is Rottman in the State of Inebriation

i’m here to help y’all’s assess out with a piece… of advice. Which is, if you ever get pulled over for drunk driving, especially if you blow 0.19% in a state where the legal limit is 0.08%, which is all of them, then you should become a rich child star as fast as possible.

Like Ryan Rottman who is a star on Nickelodeon (did you know that isn’t an oxymoron?) who fucked all kinds of up but had the DUI knocked down to some baby reckless driving charge, which means no jail and a baby fine of $390. Maybe the judge felt sorry for him because he had to party with Zac Efron and Rumer Willis. Judge pro’lly figured thel poor kid had to be drunk to survive shit like that.

Miscellaneous Stars Who Got Wasted This Week

November 11: Liam Neeson Pees His Pants at Scotts in London

November 11: Goldie Han at Scotts in London

Bar None Dregs

WTF!?

Just to point out that Saint Pauly posted another one of those weird ass reviews over at WTF!? (Watch the Film). This time it’s about The Hangover.

Lyrics to “Last Friday Night”

There’s a stranger in my bed, There’s a pounding my head Glitter all over the room Pink flamingos in the pool I smell like a minibar DJ’s passed out in the yard Barbie’s on the barbeque There’s a hickie or a bruise Pictures of last night Ended up online I’m screwed Oh well It’s a black top blur But I’m pretty sure it ruled Last Friday night Yeah we danced on tabletops And we took too many shots Think we kissed but I forgot Last Friday night Yeah we maxed our credit cards And got kicked out of the bar So we hit the boulevard Last Friday night We went streaking in the park Skinny dipping in the dark Then had a menage a trois Last Friday night Yeah I think we broke the law Always say we’re gonna stop-op Whoa-oh-oah This Friday night Do it all again This Friday night Do it all again Trying to connect the dots Don’t know what to tell my boss Think the city towed my car Chandelier is on the floor With my favorite party dress Warrants out for my arrest Think I need a ginger ale That was such an epic fail Pictures of last night Ended up online I’m screwed Oh well It’s a blacked out blur But I’m pretty sure it ruled Damn Last Friday night Yeah we danced on table tops And we took too many shots Think we kissed but I forgot Last Friday night Yeah we maxed our credits card And got kicked out of the bars So we hit the boulevards Last Friday night We went streaking in the park Skinny dipping int he dark Then had a menage a trois Yeah I think we broke the law Always say we’re gonna stop-op Oh whoa oh This Friday night Do it all again Do it all again This Friday night Do it all again Do it all again This Friday night T.G.I.F. T.G.I.F. T.G.I.F. T.G.I.F. T.G.I.F. T.G.I.F. Last Friday night Yeah we danced on table tops And we took too many shots Think we kissed but I forgot Last Friday night Yeah we maxed our credit cards And got kicked out of the bar So we hit the boulevard Last Friday night We went streaking in the park Skinny dipping in the dark Then had a menage a trois Last Friday night Yeah I think we broke the law Always say we’re gonna stop Oh-whoa-oh This Friday night Do it all again

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

Because not everyone wants to see my drawers… Continue reading

8 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | posted in Alcohol, Booze Nooze, Booze Toonze - The Bar None's Juice-Box, D.R.I.N.K.E.R., Dregs of the Week, Drinking, Functional Alcoholics Slurperson (FASe), Gossip, Humor, Mug Shot

November 11, 2011

Robert Downey Jr Wants You…

By Al K Hall

to forgive Mel Gibson.

From the juiced-box and Mel Gibson’s heart: Evanescence – Forgive Me

[Press 'Play' to hear Amy Lee make the same demands as Mel Gibson, only better]

You know me (and if you don’t there’s a cure for that), i’m all about the RDJr. A talented actor who hit the kind of bottoms that kill most people, he went into recovery and came back shining like a beacon to souls lost at sea, without losing any of the edge that makes him one of the best actors of his generation. A person who can serve as an example in both their personal and professional lives is like a Gucci life saver: priceless and feels good to have around you.

This Guy's Ready For Anything

The short version of this is that if Downey asked me to chew off my own balls with Amy Winehouse’s rotting teeth, i’d ask if he wanted me to start with the right or the left love bulb.

Which makes it very tough and more than a little hypocritical of me to say i won’t forgive Mel Gibson.

Especially hypocritical because in my Al K Hall Anonymous blog i’m all about the compassion: self compassion, compassion for others, a round of compassion on me for everyone all the way around.

Why am i holding out on some compassion for Mel, you so rightly ask?

Is it because he’s displayed anti-Semitic behavior more than once, and my children are Jewish? Is it because he’s beaten his wife, driven drunk, and demonstrated prejudice towards black people? What about threatening to burn down his children’s home while they slept inside it?

No. i, myself, know too well the gut shot burn of shame inflicted by going off half cocked. i have executed far too many wrongs to say someone else isn’t right, committed too many sins to be holier than thou, behaved far too criminally against others to judge anyone.

No. The thing i can’t look past is his future.

i don’t see him taking any steps to ensure these errors don’t happen again. i  hit some ugly bottoms myself and i continue to make mistakes in my sobriety, but i’m in recovery and actively working a 12-step program daily. Mel Gibson goes to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings drunk.

What i need to see from Mel Gibson is less contrition and more contribution. More action and less acting.

i’ll honor Robert Downey Jr’s request and forgive Mel Gibson when Mel Gibson starts acting more like Robert Downey Jr.

Until then, i forgive Robert Downey Jr for asking me to forgive Mel Gibson.

Click on the Shot for the Wallpaper

Click on the Shot for the Wallpaper

Finally, an Al K Hall original from the Bar None‘s Drunk and Demotivated page…

11 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | posted in Alcohol, Alcohol Recovery, Booze Nooze, D.R.I.N.K.E.R., Dregs of the Week, Drinking, Drunk and Demotivated, Functional Alcoholics Slurperson (FASe), Gossip, Humor, Mug Shot

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