10 Celebrity Halloween Costumes (A Top 10 Lips)

red-noir-lips bar none 10 celebrity halloween costumesTired of the question “What will you come as?” when you’re not sex role playing? Tired of being yourself and yet still don’t know what you want to be this year for Halloween? You’ve come to the right Bar None.

i’ve assembled a list of celebrity Halloween costumes to inspire you and, after some hemming (and hawing), i think i’ve got it all sewn up. Here, then, are ten Halloween costumes worn by actual celebrities that we can pattern ourselves after.

From the juiced-box and to get you in the mood, Marilyn Manson – This Is Halloween.

[Press ‘Play’ for Manson’s cover of the Danny Elfman song from Tim Burton’s The Nightmare Before Christmas]

1. Justin Bieber Going as “A Male”

Justin Bieber - Male Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Justin Bieber Dressed Up As A Boy

Ahh, Justin Cider, you’re still my favorite lesbian. Bielibe that.

2. Mitt Romney Going As “Presidential”

Mitt Romney - Presidential Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Mitt Romney Pretending To Be Someone Who Can

Don’t forget, you still have time to vote in the US Presidential Election. If you ware not an American citizen and would like to vote, i’m selling my vote to the highest bidder.

3. Kim Kardashian Going As “A Human”

Kim Kardashian - Human Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Kim Kardashian Almost Looking Like She Comes From This Planet

Nice twist on the “I’m going as an alien”, we have an extra terrestrial coming as one of us.

4. Lindsay Lohan Going As “A Camel’s Toe”

Lindsay Lohan - Camel's Toe Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Lindsay Lohan Gets Bestial

Lindsay as her (second) favorite part of a camel’s anatomy.

5. Lance Armstrong Going as “An Athlete”

Lance Armstrong - Athlete Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Lance Armstrong Wants us To Believe He’s Clean!

Drug addicts always pick costumes that reveal what they think they really are.

6. Honey Boo Boo Going As “A Child”

Honey Boo Boo - Infant Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Peter Dinky-lage’s Inamorata Pretends To Be A Grown Up

She even acts childish!

7. Rihanna Going As “An Intellectual”

Rihanna - Intellectual Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Rihanna Looking Like She Should Know Better

Only problem is, she can’t wear this costume if she goes with Chris Brown because no one would get she was smart.

8. Miley Cyrus Going As “Dafuq?”

Miley Cyrus - Dafuq Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Miley Cyrus Living The Meme

Why so Cyrus?

9 Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake Going As “Lovers”

Jessica Biel & Justin Timberlake - Lovers Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Prick Or Teats

i also could’ve put “Justin Timberlake – Straight”.

10. Amanda Bynes Going As “Air Bags”

Amanda Bynes - Air Bags Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Amanda Bynes on Shalloween

My personal favorite. Amanda went ironic this year in reference to both her drunken hit & runs.

Click Here For More Top 10 Lips

Buy My Vote!

Mitt Romney Drunk and still Drinking the Bar None Slurperson Heinie

ONLY ONE WEEK LEFT TO BUY MY VOTE!

Just to remind y’all that i got my absentee ballot in the mail the other day and i’ve decided to auction off my vote to the highest bidder.

C’mon, people! How many of you have dreamed of having the chance to make yourself heard in selecting who will be the next most powerful person in the world!? Now’s your chance.

i’ll take offers of trade or cash and, at the beginning of November, i’ll cast my vote for the candidate selected by the winner.

Travel Mug Bid Bar None Buy My Vote

The ante has been upped.

A South African has given me a Starbuck’s travel mug (value $15). What do you say, are you gonna let some South African babe cast the vote that you could catch? Of course not!

Just let me know what your next best offer is in the comment section…

Mitt Romney Drunk and still Drinking the Bar None Slurperson

Obama Drunk and still Drinking the Bar None Slurperson

“I’mma upvote yo’ ass on dat, R-Money.”

Buy My Vote (Have A Ball-ot )

2012-10-18 Ball-ot Bar None

A Simple Platfoam

From the Juiced Box: The Beastie Boys – (You Gotta) Fight For Your Right (To Party)

[Press ‘Play’ for a message you can stand behind (or fall over to)]

i got my absentee ballot for the US Presidential elections in the email the other day and so i’ve decided to bring the vote to the people.

To be crystal clear, i am auctioning off my vote to the highest bidder.

i’ll take offers of trade or cash and, at the end of October i’ll cast my vote for the candidate selected by the winner.

i already have an offer of 1 coffee (valued at 1 dollar), so we’ll start the bidding off there.

“Yeah, I Hit That”: The Real “Real” Chris Brown

[Before you get all up in my shit about how politically incorrect i am, please read the disclaimer at the end of this post.]

From the Juiced-box and dedicated to Rihanna: Big Sean feat. Chris Brown – My Last

[Press ‘Play’ to hear Chris Brown sing, “And I’m a hit this drink up like it’s my last, I’m a hit this night up like it’s my last, I’m a hit this ass up, like it’s my last”]

Celebrity Dreg

i didn’t tell y’all before because i’m telling you now.

i’m dating Rihanna.

Not right this second, but i’m dating her pretty soon and i can make this statement with a certain certitude because i’m convinced with a conviction as strong as Chris Brown’s that Rihanna’s got the necessary amount of stupid it takes to date me.

Don’t even try to tell me you don’t know what i’m talkin’ about, either. Haters be hatin’ and players be playin’ but don’t go doin’ neither on my ass, yo, ’cause you know damn well you saw the video where Chris Brown talks about how how hard it is to be in love with two ladies women at the same time and if you didn’t it’s at the top of this post.

The rumors have it that Rihanna is going to take Chris back and why the hell wouldn’t she?

Rihanna beaten up by Chris Brown The Bar None

Chris Brown on Rihanna: “I’d Hit That.”

i already told you like a month ago about how she’s got a drinking problem and hell, the first thing the ‘real’ Chris Brown says in that video is that he’s drunk and even in that fucking song he says first he’s gonna hit the bottle and then he’s gonna hit that ass.

So the mutual enabling for alcoholism is a giant thumbs up your ass and the codependency is all systems go to hell. Plus Chris Brown practiced not beating up a girl for one year and, to top it all off, Rihanna will chant the mantra of beaten and abused women across the country, “He’s changed, he said he’s sorry…”

Rihanna Beaten Meat The Bar None

You know what, though? Rihanna ain’t never gonna date my sorry ass and here’s why. i would never hit on her…

Disclaim-her

Just one thing before you go ballistic on me. i wrote this post out of anger that any woman would consider getting back together with the man who abused her. i have absolutely no sympathy for abusers, and while i understand the mechanics of this kind of relationship are complicated, they’re really not. Someone beats you, you leave and you don’t look back and you certainly don’t go fucking back to them so they can do it again.

For those of you who would say abusers can change, i’ll say “Good for them, they still deserve to be deserted as punishment for their heinous acts.”

For those of you who would point the finger at me and say maybe then i don’t deserve forgiveness for some of the asshole things i did while i was still a practicing alcoholic, i agree 100 fucking percent. If you’re one of the people i hurt through my drinking, i totally get that you would not want to forgive me and don’t blame you at all. If you are not one of these people, don’t judge me until you’ve puked a mile in my booze.

For those of you who would say that all this shit isn’t my business, i’ll stop posting this kind of commentary when Rihanna stops tweeting about her relationships and Chris Brown stops pretending to be real in the video messages he posts on fucking YouTube. Until that time, alls fair in drugs and whores.

OK, now you can go ballistic on me.

Bar None Dregs

Go here for a complete list of all my websites on one page so you don’t miss out on any of my shit.

All About Al K Hall

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.

Are You Octoberfest Drunk? An Online Quiz

Oktoberfest Girls Kissing Collage

Oktoberfest Girls Kissing Collage – Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

Time once again for that yearly event that is the closest the Germans will ever get to Christmas: Octoberfest. All the party hounds can now migrate Over the Wine and mark their territory there. They’ll trash Frankfurt, Hamburg and Cologne which, ironically enough, is also what will come up when they puke.

To celebrate the closing ceremony of this to Hell and Bacchanalia, i’m posting a quiz for you to determine if you are Octoberfest drunk or not.

The first question is, “Why are all the women in Octoberfest Wallpaper above kissing each other?”

Here’s a hint for you, brought to you by Buck Cherry.

The photographic answer to the question is coming, kind of, but until then here’s the rest of test to determine if you are just American Buzzed or Oktoberfest Bested.

What’s Wrong With the Pictures?

1.

Oktoberfest So Wrong The Bar None2.

Oktoberfest So Wrong The Bar None3.

Oktoberfest So Wrong The Bar None4.

5.

Before i give you the answers to that test, here’s the reason the Frauleins are kissing each other:

Oktoberfest Men the Bar None

Oktoberfest Men

And now the answers to the Quiz:

Are You Octoberfest Drunk

Go here for a complete list of all my websites on one page so you don’t miss out on any of my shit.

All About Al K Hall

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.

The Hot Rod Unloads – Would Somebody Take A Photo Of Me Topless Please?

Like many grumpy bastards my age (mid-30’s….) I like to have a rant against the world. Thanks to the internet, everyone can rant away to their heart’s content. Whether people listen… well, that’s another problem, but often, it’s less about who reads the rant as much as it is about just doing the ranting.

There’s a couple of things I’ve seen in recent weeks and months that have just made me weep for the future of humanity. As a grumpy old bastard, it’s my solemn duty to now proceed to berate you with what I see as prime examples of bottom-feeding pond scum living off the goodness of others.

Continue reading

The Booze Talkin': My Exclusive Interview With Uncle Lucius

Uncle Lucius

Uncle Lucius

Uncle Lucius Plays Your Fucking Heart Out

From the juiced-box: Uncle Lucius –  Pocket Full of Misery (from their latest album, And You Are Me)

[Press ‘Play’ to fill your pockets…]

It was one of those moments when you’re sitting there, being yourself [note: not a masturbation reference], and all of a sudden a song comes on that pulls you up by your heartstrings and lifts you out of the rut. i first heard Uncle Lucius during an episode of the now defunked Castle, and when “A Million Ways” played i immediately knew my life had meaning again because the song that rose from the crappy TV speakers saved my soul music.

Who, you may well ask, is Uncle Lucius? Well, let me tell you. Uncle Lucius is that favorite uncle who never gets older and you want to be just like him when you don’t grow up. He wears borrowed clothes and his hair is just a tad too long and always tousled and he sneaks you black licorice and sips of the beer from the can hanging from the hand that holds the smoldering cigar. He’s got 3-days growth and speaks of things sweeter than hard lemonade in warm brandy tones with a whiskey rasp and a voice that comes out like the growl of a hungry bear’s stomach. Uncle Lucius is at home wherever he is and makes you feel welcome there whenever he rests his weary eyes on you.

Continue reading