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From the juiced-box and the soundtrack: Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross – A Familiar Taste

[Press 'Play' for proof that Reznor nails the mood]

Ramblings: Unlike

Final Proof: 3 Shots

You know you get drunk with a geek? He’s nice enough and super intelligent and saves you booze and money because he doesn’t drink all that much but he speaks in code and operates on a completely different program. Drinking with him is interesting and the conversation looks good on paper but the night’s missing the same thing the guy and his laptop are: heart. Technically, he’s OK but ends up a little 2-dimensional and even if you admire his technique, you leave the bar with the feeling he made nice wallpaper but lacked the depth to make your drive hard. Geeks have more brain than balls, is what it comes down to. That’s what it was like with The Social Network.

David Fincher is a good director, you can tell because i liked some of the movies he did like Fight Club, The Game, Se7en and Panic Room. Course he also did Zodiac and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Unfortunately, rum to my head, i’d have to say that The Social Network falls into the latter category of movies that are, like computers, technically perfect but have CPUs where their guts should be. There’s not enough humanity in The Social Network to make me care about any of these people and that just makes seeing this movie like watching an internet slideshow of someone else’s vacation. Beautiful shots and well-executed but who cares?

Which is not to say i didn’t feel anything during the movie. i felt jealousy that some computer geek is the youngest billionaire in the world while i’m way cooler than he is but keep sliding off the poverty level. It’s almost like our society rewards intelligent go-getters instead of slacking drunk dreamers with great ideas and a 6-pack.

The actors did decent jobs, just like programs in this software package, and the movie ran smoothly without too many bugs and very few glitches. Still, are more applications and fewer basics too much to ask for?

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

To get you in the mood for this section, i got some White Stripes on tap in the juiced-box and from the soundtrack.

[Press 'Play' for The White Stripes - Ball and Biscuit, then keep reading for biscuits and balls]

Sex: 2 Shots

PG-13, need i say more? There was some good stuff, like co-eds kissing each other and stripping because they were bussed into a rich kids’ frat party and everyone knows if you’re a chick you’ll do anything as long as you can hang out with rich kids.

Also at the beginning we get to meet Erica Albright (played ever so deliciously by the beautiful and even more talented Rooney Mara) dumping Mark Zuckerberg (played ever so well by Jesse Eisenberg). She plays Zuckerberg’s muse, whose dumping him inspired him to greatness even if he never got over it. Just after the nuclear dumping, he goes back to his apartment and writes a program making it possible for students at Harvard to compare girls’ photos and the rest is history.

i like Rooney Mara and not just because she’s a 25-year-old hottie with a hot sister (27-year-old Kate Mara who i exposé here). She’s a 25-year-old hottie–with a hot sister–who can actually act. (Also, Miss Demeanor is convinced 47-year-old David Fincher is on that Road to Rooney which explains why he put her in here and also as the lead in The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.) Here’s a tribute to Mara, to Mara, “i love ya” to Mara:

i got tons of Rooney down in my drawers; scroll down until you hit pay dirty.

Another recurring role is that of the lawyer Marylin Delpy and Rashida Jones (34) portrays her with a perfect amount of guarded compassion. Plus, she looks exactly this good. Oh yeah.

Plus i got drawer shots of her all up in my drawers down there.

The only other hot girl in a major role is ex-Disney (maybe, but this is my blog and if i say it with enough authority it’ll sound official enough to start a rumor) child starlette but now 22-year-old real babe Brenda Song, who plays Christy, controlling whack-job girlfriend of Facebook co-founder Eduardo Saverin. Here’s Brenda Song, who can give me any kinda job she wants.

Yeah, yeah, i got more drawer shots of her for a Song.

There’s this one scene with Christy (Brenda Song) banging Eduardo Saverin (played competently by Andrew Garfield) in a bathroom stall with Mark Zuckerberg banging Alice in the next one. Here’s the gorgeous and talented young lady they gave the role of Zuckerberg’s first groupie to, Malese Jow (at the tender age of 19-years-old).

Silken Butterflies

Speaking of Silken Butterflies (and if you don’t know what that means all you have to do is click on the link up there, yo), there were buttloads of Silken Butterflies in this movie. Case in point is the splendid Dakota Johnson (21) who is not only a sometime model but also the byproduct of gene splicing Melanie Griffith with Don’s Johnson. She does a totally smoking job as Amelia Ritter, Napster founder Sean Parker’s (Justin Timberlake) one night stand who wears Stanford panties and introduces Parker to “The Facebook”. Here’s what happens when Don’s Johnson meets Melanie’s Griffith.

Drawer. Shots. Scroll. Down.

Remember how before i was talking about hot girls doing the nasty just to get into the rick kinds’ club? One of them was the very sweet looking Alecia Svensen, who seems way too sweet to be so 2-dimensional.

To save time, whaddya say we go through the rest of these alphabetically, by first name?

For example, there’s the magnificent red headed Marcella Lentz-Pope, who has a way too brief appearance as Erica’s roommate and is the one who gets to break the news to her that Zuckerberger blogged about her and made crass jokes about her breast size.

Drawers. Trust me.

After that there’s Mariah Bonner as Tori, a hottie who dates Sean Parker (who i already told you is played by Justin Timberlake). 

Blah blah blah blah blah drawers.

Wrapping up the Silken Butterflies is the 18-year-old Shelby Young. Who really is. She plays K.C., one of the friends of the rich crowd. She looks as good as this and has talent to back it up.

For those of you who prefer Hard-drives to Software, there’s Justin Timberlake (29) who appears as Napster creator and brains investor in Facebook (for example, we learn that Sean Parker is the one who had the idea to drop the article from the beginning of “the facebook”). Timbers did a solid job with the role, blending audacity and insecurity perfectly to create the complex contradiction that is the essence of human existence. (Shit, sorry, accidentally got a little sober on your asses.)

The dude who really impressed the hell out of me, though, is this guy called Armie Hammer and i really wonder if that’s his real name and his parents really named him after baking soda. (Ugh, just did more research than you’ll care to hear about…in a nutsack, “Armie” is really “Armand” and was named after his great grandfather, the philanthropist “Armand Hammer” who may, in fact have been named after the Arm & Hammer Baking Soda.)

Way more interesting is the choice that Fincher made to cast one guy to play real life twins. Here’s a shot of the Winklevoss twins, Cameron and Tyler, and some anonymous guy drinking a beer who’s not me.

So Fincher made the choice to use one guy to play both brothers and the bet paid off big time. Miss Demeanor and i were both shocked to learn that it was only one guy and not twins who played the role. So here’s what Armie-Man looks like.

In another bold and surprising move, Armie is the first guy i’ll let in my drawers and not just because he’s kinda cute and i’d pro’lly do him if i was drunk enough and he was wearing a scotch suit. Nope, it’s because there are so many Bar None shots i can use of him that i gotta put them somewhere and that’s just what the drawers were built for. Stay tuned and look out below.

Drink: 1 Shot

While alcohol wasn’t a key factor in the film, there was enough of it here that i gotta give it at least a solid 3 shots. Sure, it’s easy to spray your movie full of booze references when you’re talking about university aged kids in college and shit, but still…

From my notes, then:

• Erica [Rooney Mara] with beer at the beginning. She doesn’t drink the beer. Age? [In fact, at 25, she is over legal drinking age.]
• Tons of beer in the fridge and all over at the Final Club party
• Mixed drinks and imported babes at the Final Club party
• Whiskey at Final Club - Phoenix
• Lots of college booze in apartments

• Mark Zuckerberg is buzzed when he hacks Harvard’s computer and develops a program to compare coeds’ looks
• In this same scene, he also blogs insults about Erica and she can never forgive him
• Erica drinks wine later in the restaurant
• At a restaurant with Sean Parker [Justin Timberlake], he asks the underage Christy [Brenda Song] what she’d like to drink and she nervously replies, “Appletinis”. To which Sean responds by telling the waitress, “We’ll have four of those,” much to Christy’s delight.
• Drinking game interview where the candidates have to drink whiskey shots while hacking and the two who do the best win the internships
• Cocktails in the trendy club in Cali

• Champagne at rowing event
• Homemade margaritas at house with facebook team
• Party at house, teenage girls doing a good job of acting drunk

Rock & Roll: 2 Shots

Two shots and they’re all Trent Reznor, my patronizers. Yep, Trent Reznor, aka Nine Inch Nails, did the soundtrack to this puppy along with some English guy named Atticus Ross (who programmed and/or produced a lot of Trent’s shit in the past). It’s not “Head Like A Hole” but it fits the tone of the movie perfectly.

i already gave you the sample up top, in the intro to this bad boy. Plus i hooked you up with The White Stripes before we got into the buzz kills. Polishing off this post like a five dollar hooker on her last knob of the night, here’s another song from the film and the juiced-box: The Beatles – Baby, You’re a Rich Man.

[Press 'Play' for a not so subtle reminder of Zuckerberg's status]

Boring Technical Crap

Written by:

Ben Mezrich (book The Accidental Billionaires)

Aaron Sorki (screenplay)

Directed by: David Fincher

Starring

Rooney Mara – Erica Albright

Rashida Jones – Marylin Delpy

Brenda Song – Christy

Malese Jow – Alice

Dakota Johnson – Amelia Ritter

Shelby Young – K.C.

Alecia Svensen – Girl at Phoenix Club

Marcella Lentz-Pope – Erica’s Roommate

Mariah Bonner – Tori

Jesse Eisenberg – Mark Zuckerberg

Andrew Garfield – Eduardo Saverin

Justin Timberlake – Sean Parker

Armie Hammer – Cameron Winklevoss / Tyler Winklevoss

Bottom Line

The Social Network is not so “social” and too much “network”. Still, you could see it for Reznor’s soundtrack and a lesson in the technical aspects of film making.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

Rooney Mara (25)

Rashida Jones (34)

Brenda Song (22)

Dakota Johnson (21)

Shelby Young (18)

Marcella Lentz-Pope

Mariah Bonner

Armie Hammer (24) in the Bar None

 

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