From the juiced-box and the recipe for a St Patrick’s Day: The Pogues – Beer Beer Beer
[Press 'Play' for Póg Mo Thóin, or Kiss My Ass]
Kiss It, I'm Irish
‘S Ain’t Patrick’s
Guess what and i’m gonna tell you anyway so you don’t have to. i never liked Saint Patrick’s Day. i know i’m s’posed to and everything because i’m all alcoholic and as the Temporal Functional Alcoholics Slurperson my official slightly askance stance is i’m leaning towards it.
Still, it always scared me to death. First off, there’s this whole “It’s the best party day of the year” insanity or the “Oktoberfest for spud lovers” mentality illness that gets your hopes so high that whatever happens tastes more like New Year’s Eve let down and green hot dogs on their way back up than anything approaching fun.
Second off, who the fuck’s idea was it to make St Patrick’s Day the 17th of March? Seriously, this means that only once every decade will St Patties fall on a Friday night. Partying on a fun day is mathematically eliminated. The other nine years in a row, and don’t ask me how this happens ’cause you know how much i don’t get about math, Saint Patrick’s falls on Tuesday. Or, like this year, Thursday. And sometimes Monday but never on Funday which means work with a hangover. If you ask me and you really should because i know tons of shit, Saint Patrick’s Day should be like Easter and always on a Sunday with a day off after. Yeah, if i were drinKing, that’s the way it would be.
So this year, i boycotted Saint Pat’rick’s Night and Day and went to AA instead. Didn’t drink anything green but i had a good laugh with cool people, some of whom were Irish from Ireland Irish, and today i felt good enough to write. Plus i got to look up hot pictures of Lassies, and i’m not talking about dogs, Bitches.
From the juiced-box and a killer beautiful song: Mazzy Star – Wasted
[Press 'Play' for a taste of Hope]
In staying with the No Hangover theme of this vacation, i kept the quantities low and experimented with whatever new crap i found in the fridge. For example, i had a Warfteiner, which apparently is a Premium Dunkel. You know a beer is too good for you when you don’t know how to pronounce it. Because of this, i shall forthwith in all my Spoonertastic talents, be referring to this as Fart Wiener. Yeah, that’ll take ‘er down a notch.
So i had one of those bad boys but then i went back to slummin’ it with my Buds.
1 Fart Wiener
Pretty much the same as above, ‘cept i had 4 Buds instead of 2. The interesting thing about today was that Sea-Grams (my mom) got tipsy (she always taught me that a lady never gets drunk, she gets tipsy). i take a lot after her, apparently, because she started getting really talkative and trying to engage everyone in conversation just like i do when i drink, and i felt the frustration Miss Demeanor and my offspring feel when i’m that way while buzzing. i learned i’m not as entertaining as i think i am when i’m liquatious (liquored up and loquacious).
[Beware Pronsurfers! Sorry about titling my 1st installment "XXX-Mas Vacation". i see that about 40 people came here from a Google search of "XXX" and boy, they must've been let down in more ways than one. Hence, i've changed the title to "XX-Mas", after Dos Equis beer. My most sincere apologies to those amongst you i misled. As you were.]
From the Juiced-box and for this holiday season: The Pogues – Fairytale of New York
[Press 'Play' for "You're a bum, you're a punk / You're an old slut on junk / Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed / You scumbag you maggot / You cheap lousy faggot / Happy christmas, your arse, I pray god it's our last."]
Nothing new or real or excitingly different. Just to point out that i’ve remained hangover free for the four mornings since i arrived, but this’ll make more sense when you see the quantities i didn’t drink.
Me, Jazzman and Mingus (names i’ll be using for my kids [boy 16, girl 13, respectively]) along with Old Grandad and Sea-Grams all went to a nice Mexican place. How do i know it was nice? It had a waterfall in the lobby and was so big Jazzman got lost coming back from the buffet (and no, for you South Park fans, it was not a Casa Bonita). They had a killer all you can eat messican buffet and i had a frozen margarita to start off and then a Corono in a frosted mug with the meal. Too bad i forgot my camera, just like i forgot it at dinner that night when we had huge steaks on the grill and i had two glasses of wine.
1 frozen margarita
2 glasses of red wine
Totally uneventful as far as drinking goes. Five beers and no stories.
[Press 'Play' for a song from the juiced box that really has that vacation flavor. Sublime - 40 Oz. To Freedom]
Most of y’all do not know it, but i’m tending bar in a hole away from hole for this holiday season. My kids and i are staying with Old Grand Dad & Sea Grams (my mother and father). i hope to get some tending to the Bar None done while i’m away but can’t make any promises.
What i’ll try to do is keep y’all posted on what may be my Last Mind Bender for awhile, as i plan to go on the wagon starting January next year. These then are the dregs of my Last Brew-haha.
First off, on the plane, i had two glasses of wine, 1 of each color. Fortunately for all involved, i had to pay for the wine (even though it was a trans-atlantic flight) and my cards didn’t work and i only had enough cash for what you see in the picture. This prevented a repeat of last year’s Business Class fiasco which was a good thing because this time i didn’t have Miss Demeanor to babysit me.
Then, 22 hours later, my folks had cold Bud (or 3) waiting for me.
Looks like you picked the wrong day to come into the Bar None for a shot. This week, the dregs are packing a whole new way to be loaded in the bar, deep fried beer and, you know it, Oktoberfest. Do you feel me? Do you wanna? That’s not even mentioning the Celeb Dregs with the Bar Nun, underage Bristle Pain and Hayden Pantyhair at…you know it…Oktoberfest. Let’s kick this off with a song that’s #1 with a bullet.
You know how someone steals your drink in a bar and you wish you had a gun to shoot them in the face? Me too, so let’s go to Tennessee, Virginia, Arizona and Georgia (hey, birds of a feather get shot together) where, by law, we can get all kinds of shots. There is finally legislation that explicitly allows me to carry a sidearm into a public house, and just in time too, because i was all set to start bitching about how the USA isn’t enough like the Wild West. Or Somalia.
Gun people (and you just gotta love gun people, doncha?—especially because if you don’t they shoot you in the face) pressed lawmakers like a trigger to pass the law after the Supreme Court, who was apparently smashed out of their minds on Supreme Cognac the time, said that Americans have a right given to them by God and country not just to arm a militia but themselves as well in the defense of their home; which obviously includes bars because you just know the kind of people who fight for this kind of shit practically live in bars anyway.
But who am i to judge someone who wants to marry their cousin and play William Tell in a saloon down south? Let’s look at this objectively, k?
Here are the pros:
All right, and here are the cons:
Anyway, what’s sure is that i got more shots of guns and girls in my drawers, if you scroll down.
Because Texas is jealous that Tennessee always gets to look stupidest, some guy there invented deep fried beer. Apparently, he takes whatever passes for beer down there and puts it in a small pocket of pretzel dough and deep fries it. He says, “It tastes like you took a bite of hot pretzel dough and then took a drink of [oil saturated] beer.” Yeah, after a long hard day “wrangling” cattle (Texas talk for porking the livestock), what you really need to cool down is hot, flat beer soaked in grease.
A special shout out to my one and only Miss Demeanor who brought this bit of tid to my attention. Thanks, darlun.
i really don’t got nothin’ to say about this because, like an orgasm during a bowel movement, it’s already come and passed. Still, i’m always looking for opportunities to post pictures of hot girls drinking and this’ll do as good as any this week. Besides, i keep hoping if it keep posting this crap y’all eventually are gonna take up a collection to send me there one year.
Hayden Panettiere took her boobs to Munich to show them Oktoberfest. Her boobs look bigger and a lot of websites are saying the twins are recent add-ons but i’m not so sure. i mean, she’s no taller than a German beer stein, right? So where does all the beer go when she drinks it? i’m thinking it fills her boobs. Judge for yourselves…
Here’s the requisite collage and there’ll be shots of her overflowing my drawers at the the bottom of the post.
Remember that mini scandal you never heard about? Republican’t politician Sarah Palin’s daughter, Bristol Palin, is only 19-years old and got caught popping into Rumrunner’s Old Towne Bar and Grill in Alaska. But she didn’t drink, she went there for the nachos. Which is like saying i drink for social contact or read Greased Irish Midgets In Latex for the articles.
Lindsay Lohan is back in rehab. Blah blah blah. After last week’s revelation by InTheSameBoat, i’ve lost some motivation to dwell on our Bar Nun. She’s gonna hafta do something really spectacular to get back in my good graces. Or something really slutty. That’d work, too. Anyway, here’s a blurry picture of her in rehab from Egotastic.
Bar None Dregs
One Giant Step Towards World Domination
We’re kinda super famous! If you’ll remember, i posted an interview with Olga Fedori, the lovely actress from The Wolfman a while back. Well, guess what? Today i discovered Olga now has a Wiki page, which makes her officially (i think because i haven’t bothered to check the rest) my first interviewee to have a Wiki page. Check it out.
Did you see it? Didja? Look very closely at the “References” section. Who comes in just after “Dead Link”? Oh no, they didn’t. But, oh yes, they did go there! Pow. We here at the Bar None are becoming reference material. Didja see my name? My name in Wiki goes something like: Hall, Al K. Which makes absolutely no fuckin’ sense. But still, it’s a first step. Today, reference #2 just after “Dead Link” and tomorrow…maybe i’ll replace “Dead Link”. Dare to dream, babes.
Get Well (And Then In Another Accident)
On another, less personal note, i’d like to thank Juliette Lewis for getting in a car accident. The day after her car crash, the Bar None had it’s second “highest” day ever, coming in at exactly 2,996 page views, mostly for my review of Whip It. Thanks for coming by in drunk droves. And Juliette? Anytime you want to get hit and run, you know where to come, babe.
Where i’m At
For those of you guys who read about my new drinking rule and still care anyway, i’ve been sticking pretty regular to only drinking out of the house. 2-3 business lunches a week, the open bar office party on Friday’s, champagne at art gallery openings… i’ve only broken the rule once and it turned out badly because i drank a bottle of white at home and got mad at Miss D for some shit i should of talked to her about when i was sober but oh well, once in 3 weeks is a hell of a lot better than it was before. So the rule stands for the foreseeable future.
Al K Hall’s Drawers
No more wit. The wit is over. From now on the post is just pictures and completely witless.
Girls With Guns
But wait, don’t girls drink at Oktoberfest? Let’s see…
God but i love headlines that don’t need my help to be funny. And that are educational to boot–how else you gonna learn what a “stoat” is if it’s not for me? Y’all are probably too drunk to remember, but a while back i posted about a Scottish brewery called Brew Dog. They came up with this record holding 41% beer. Until this wimpy German brewery pushed the record by a measly 2% to 43% So what did the Brew Doggers do? Retaliated with The End of History– 55% (Brew) Dawg! The cool part is you get to drink it out of a stuffed animal. Only thing worse than i can’t afford it at $750 a bottle is that there aren’t any left if i could.
The worst thing about criminals is we got all kind of shots of their ugly mugs and none of their victims. ‘Cause i really wanna see what kind of dude would be engaged to Maureen Geddie, this 65-year-old entity in Huntington Beach. To show her gratitude to this guy for his ultimate sacrifice, she ran him down on the Pacific Coast Highway. Then did it again. Then tried to do it again but bystanders pulled the doomed guy away to “safety”. When the cops came, she ran a red and tried to run them over but crashed into a parked car. Mixed in the cocktail of her arrest report was driving under the influence.
i have no freaking idea how many fishit takes to tipple vodka (you didn’t really think i allowed racial jokes in the Bar None, did you?). But in other, less exciting news, Polish vodka tasters are tense, stinky sloths—this because they aren’t allowed to smoke, wear perfume or drink coffee. The real reason i included this in the dregs this week is so i could post the collage up top and this young lady. Who wouldn’t want to do body shots off this stripper Pole?
"Video Online"--Cooooooool / Click on the Image to Order
You know how you drink wine out of those tiny little baby glasses they should reserve for toddler tipplers? The drink lasts like 5 minutes tops and then you gotta keep heading back to the stoop out behind the trailer to get more. Here’s the solution: a wine glass big enough to hold an entire bottle. Look at the ad, it holds both chardonnay and merlot; talk about practical. Wonder if it works as well for white?
i know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “Sure, that’ll work for my Cozy Night In, but what about special occasions?” i got your backs, babes. Amazon has the same for champagne…
Click on the Image to Order
Bar None Dregs
As y’all have noticed, i haven’t been behind the Bar much this week. Several reasons for that and i’ll just spew them out here for anyone who cares. First off, i’ve created another blog life and it’s kind of eating away into my time here with y’all. The reason is linked to my catastrophic, i’m literally hoping not to be evicted, bank account situation which means i’m looking for ways to pimp myself out and not let people in on my alcoholism. On top of that, i’ve also got my real life thing going on and, between you and me, i’ve been a little blue lately. Link that to the bank account and to the numbers of patronizers here at the Bar None.
You may remember last week how i was all psyched about my figures. Remember? How they went over 3000 in one single day? This week, they’ve nose dived and crash driven straight into the toilet; there have been days when i didn’t even make over a thousand page hits.
On top of that, maybe i’ve been feeling bad because i started drinking again. Not a lot, but i wanted to hold off until this coming Friday but i had about 4 glasses of wine at two lunches last week and about 8 beers on Friday. So yeah, i guess i’ve been ashamed to come back in here and ‘fess up about that. On top of that, i’ve got four business lunches next week. Jesus god.
Beer dregs this week, y’all. We got drunk German Protestants, a sword wielding mother, drunk monkeys, cures for alcoholism brewing, a smoking DWI, the Sheen family needing rehab from rehab, the Canadian hockey team’s beer on ice, drunk cops, Playmate butt cleavage, the girls of Lost and kegs more fun…
From the juiced-box and dedicated to Margot Kaessmann: Joe Raphael & Die Party Singers – Biertrinkers Lieblingsmelodien
Don’t you hate it when you’re in elementary school and your mom gets drunk and threatens to cut people as she runs through your school’s corridors waving a sword? A second grader in Memphis sure does. Some little girl spit on our little girl, so our girl’s mom went to the school to exact revenge after pounding a 40 oz Colt 45. Coulda been worse, 32-year-old Toni price could’ve been packing a Colt instead of just drinking one.
Speaking of stellar mothers… What do you do if your mom leaves you and your siblings alone to take off for the bar? You follow her. Sandy Bellanger’s (38) 14-year-old drove to the bar with his 4-year-old sister and 2-year-old brother in the car to beg their mom to come home. She refused. She told him to drive back home. The cops stopped him for driving erratically, and while they were interviewing him his mom pulled up with her ride (who was driving without a license, failed to appear on a previous DWI, and was carrying weed). Sandy was busted for being a bad mom (letting an unlicensed minor drive, improper supervision of a minor, and child endangerment) as well as having an open container in a motor vehicle. Sounds like a candidate for drug therapy…
Apparently, alcoholism is getting out of the gutter and swimming deep enough in the mainstream that drug labs are going to start milking us. i’m not gonna give you all the boring details (click the link if you care) but, in a shotglass, docs are screwing around with drugs that’ll dam our desire to drink, make us feel like swamp muck, or water down our withdrawal symptoms. i have a full bottle of Disulphiram, the drug that gives you an instant hangover while depriving you of the booze buzz, but i’ve never tried it: i seem to be functioning well-enough on love (for Miss Demeanor). My only remark is that there are two kinds of alcoholics, those physically addicted and those mentally addicted and a “cure all” sounds too easy. Plus, we have to want to give up the booze bad enough to pop the pills.
The picture below is home brewed. Click on it and it’ll take you to my drink recipe for Medesin.
Here’s a guy straight out of The Bar None. Richard Fodrie (34) took cops on a high speed chase, getting up to over 100 mph on the freeway, until he finally pulled over. Why didn’t Dick pull over in the first place? He told the cops it was because he knew he was going to jail and wanted to get one last smoke in.
Zhora, a Russian circus monkey, retired to a zoo. Proving once again that monkeys are our close cousins, after he fathered several monkey kids he started smoking and drinking beer. He got hooked and began bugging passers-by for a fix, much like an unemployed father on the street. Unlike a human suffering from the same problems, however, he was sent to a rehab facility and not jail. i’m not sure this was completely necessary, as experience has shown me all you need to do is spank the monkey from time to time.
Not as exciting as you might think. Dayton, Ohio cops volunteered to get drunk so their fellow officers could practice breathalyzers and field sobriety tests. One of the few times a hangover counts as a work related accident.
“Pop Bishop”, 51-year-old Margot Kaessmann, head of Germany’s 25 million protestants was pulled over for drunk driving after running a red light. She clocked in at more than 3 times the legal limit which puts her at over 0.24% (click here to get the details about BAC). Holier than no one, the ‘high’ priestess resigned.
Here’s another song from the juiced-box, dedicated to Margot: Will Glahe & His Orchestra – Auf Wiederseh’n Sweetheart
The upside to all this is it gives me an excuse to exposé German girls.
Exclusive Scoop! Rehab centers in Cali celebrate the opening of the Sheen Revolving Doors, funded by Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller.
‘Member how in last week’s dregs i talked about how Charlie wasn’t gonna go to rehab, no no no? Well, it appears my article made him see the error of his ways because he decided to get drunk despite the risk of returning to court. Then he decided to go to rehab. It was a crazy week in the Sheen household, and TMZ was right there with them.
Lindsay Lohan was interviewed by The Sun and talked about booze enough to get a mention in the Dregs for a record of something like the third week running. Here’s what she had to say about alcohol:
I’m allowed to drink now but I know my limits. There are certain situations where I have obligations. There’s no reason to (drink) because I don’t want to feel like s**t in the morning. I’ve now learned my boundaries and I’ve been very good with cleaning house with people who I know didn’t have my best intentions at heart. A lot of people in LA are very self destructive. Partying so hard simply isn’t worth it. Life is worth living and there is so much to do and experience, it’s wonderful.
Some chick named Vicki Gunvalson from some show called The Real Housewives of Orange County got drunk and did a nasty. This 47-year-old married mother of two spent a night getting wasted and making out with a 25-year-old college kid.
Some ex-Playboy bunny named Nicole “CoCo” Austin got this picture stripped from her MySpace page:
She seems to think it was because of the ass cleavage, i’m betting it’s because the photo includes an alcoholic drink. (Bet y’all didn’t see that unless you’re a woman or like musicals.) i’m gonna exposé CoCo here, but i just want to say i don’t get what the draw is. OK, sure there’s the natural gravitational draw of her massive globes, but are they really that sexy? Seriously? It’s like she’s got two heads growing out of her chest, for chrissakes. While they must be practical in a car accident, where does she put them when she eats? Nope, totally un-sexy. Give me a lovely lady with curves, not hemispheres, any day.
Seems Dominic Monaghan (Charlie from Lost) got drunk at a club called Voyeur in LA and grabbed a girl. He got thrown out and tried to sweet talk his way back in, but the bouncer told him to get Lost. You can see the video of this on my Facebook Page (and Friend Me! Please friend me!) or at TMZ Video. The moral of the story is this, if the place is called “Voyeur”, touch with your eyes not your hands.
Which gives me a good enough reason to exposé the girls from Lost.
As your Functional Alcoholic Slurperson, i’m here to serve up some good advice. For example, don’t follow the example of Daniel Mahoney. Even though the 40-year-old from New Port Richey, Florida was driving with a broken front axle, police caught up with him only after he’d crashed into a fence and was sitting on his back bumper. (Hey, i’m not the one who’s gonna say the police are slow.) As the cops approached him, he said, “I’ll be honest with you. I’ve had too much to drink tonight and I hit a pole.” Tip 1: Don’t be honest with cops. They gave him a field sobriety test and then a breathalyzer (he blew around 0.16%). As they were slapping on the cuffs he told the arresting officers, “I’ve been drinking and driving for twenty years and never got caught.” Tip 2: Try not to brag how long it’s been since you last pulled a DUI.
Here’s something else you shouldn’t do when you get pulled over:
Fred Campbell, 54, is an all around great grandfather. By drinking and driving with his 2-year-old grandson on his lap, he was simultaneously teaching the tot how to drive, drink, and drive drunk. Unfortunately, the police officer who pulled him over for a broken taillight didn’t agree with me. Campbell came away with a BAC of 0.13%. He pulled a DUI and Reckless Endangerment, which’ll probably give him a year behind bars (and not the good kind), but that doesn’t count breaking parole for a murder charge. Oops. Here’s what Fred said, and you shouldn’t, when you get pulled over: “Yeah, I’ve drunk six or seven beers.” Babes, if you’re gonna lie, lie big. Also don’t say, “The cold beer there is the one I was drinking while I was driving.” If i were him, i woulda said it was the kid’s.
You know what i love about Brits? They’re always looking for good excuses to justify their binge drinking. The latest news out of the UK shows that beer is good for building strong bones and preventing osteoporosis (sounds like “Hottie, Poor Ol’ Sis”). Add this to my list of Reason Why i Drink #3: For My Health.
Some guy in a Wisconsin ski area was so drunk he decided to steal an ambulance. Could be worse, and it was. Seems the patient and the paramedics were all in the vehicle while the guy drove around the parking lot.
‘Member last time about how Julia Laack took her clothes off in front of her kids and the cops so they wouldn’t arrest her? Well, Kenneth Hook (41, Prescott Valley AZ) explored a variant on this theme. He got busted for drunk driving by a K9 officer (that’s one fast freaking dog) and told the cop he had a seizure disorder so the cop took him to a local hospital. The cop left to get some police work done (read: Search for donuts and hit on night nurse) he saw Hook running out of the ambulance entrance in only his hospital gown. Dude sprints across the parking lot, runs into a barbed wire fence and when he flips over it, his robe gets torn off. So he sprints naked across the field until the officer catches up to him and takes him down. This gives new meaning to ‘Rip Torn’.
Tell you what, it’s getting harder and harder to defend. What’s not to like? She’s young, parties hard, didn’t let rehab get to her and she’s hot. Yes, i said she’s hot. Told you i was one of the few remaining bloggers who’s got the girl’s BAC. After her latest stunt, though, it’s getting tricky to stick up for her. This time, she’s abused alcohol, and not in the good way. Seems she was at a club to see her on again / off again and then on again and then off and back on and off and on and off and on and off, faster, faster, yes yes YES! girlfriend, Samantha Ronson.
See! Sexy young bisexual alkie! What more could a guy want?
Anyway, while at the bar, Lindsay was drinking vodka straight out of the bottle and trying to get Sam’s attention. Sam wasn’t playing that tune, so Lindsay confronted her and Sam threw a “Why don’t you have another drink?” in her face. So Lindsay picked up a drink and threw that up in her face. Like i was saying, alcohol abuse. Least she coulda done is hit her with the bottle (after putting the cap back on, of course).
Back on Christmas Day last year, Charlie Sheen was busted after Brooke Mueller called 911 to say “Merry Christmas, Charlie Sheen is kicking my ass.” She blew 0.13% (at 8:30 a.m. Xmas morning) later kinda recanted but that didn’t stop the hammer from falling on Charlie. And fall it did. A judge has said that, before the trial in March, he cannot possess firearms or harass Brooke. No biggie. Get this, though: He isn’t allowed to drink alcohol! Auuugghhhhh! Talk about cruel and unusual punishment.
End of last month, Ronnie Wood felt what was like to be a teen again by picking up a few.
He got toasted and partied hard enough to justify Keith Richards’ decision to fall on the wagon. Yep, believe it or not Keith stopped drinking at about the same time. Seeing pictures of Ronnie wasted musta made the difference, especially as there are no sober pictures of Richards for him to compare against.
No real big news here. Jennifer Aniston celebrated her 41st birthday in Los Cabos, Mexico with Gerard Butler, Sheryl Crow, and Courtney Cox among others. They drank but there were no reports of any excesses. Still, gives me a good excuse to exposé Jennifer, and that’s 23 years overdue.
Courtney Cox And Some Fruity Drinks
A shout out to Miss Demeanor on this Valentine’s Day. She’s visiting a friend somewhere south and leaving me to my own devices, all three of them. The only thing i got to say is that her absence has only reinforced the certainty that i want to spend the rest of my life with her.
Here i am trying to barrel through my post-partyin’ depression with a scoop.
A ragga shot from the juiced-box should help: Delly Ranks & Chino – Redbull and Guinness
[Press 'Play' to Ragga out]
Many news sources reported yesterday that Wismond Exantus, a 24-year-old Haitian cashier in a hotel convenience store, survived 11 days buried under the rubble of the Hotel Napoli. His secret to survival? Within arm’s reach of where he lay was a stash of cola, junk food and…Guinness. i know your average news outlets are only peddling ‘beer’, but i have it on good authority (a television news broadcast here in Yemen) that the beer of choice was Guinness.
Here then, is my tribute to this nectar of the Irish Gods.
Photographic evidence of the key moment that swayed the Nobel people to award Obama 2009′s Peace Prize:
From the Juice-box
July 30, 2009, Obama invites Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates and the cop that arrested him, Police Sergeant James Crowley, to drown their differences in a mug ‘o’ beer. (For those of you who keep track of this kind of crap: Obama had a Bud Light, Gates had Sam Adams Light and Crowley had a Blue Moon. VP Joe Biden, who also attended, had a Bucklers, a non-alcoholic drink because he sucks–uh, i mean, ‘doesn’t drink’.)
This was the pivotal moment which gave Obama the extra push he needed with the Nobels to bag the Peace Prize. Let’s face it, there were a record 205 nominees this year and whatever powers that beer decide this kind of thing needed something to separate the wheat from the barley. (While the official list of nominees remains secret for 50 freakin’ years, another canidate was French President Nicolas Sarkozy–musta been a slow year for peace. Btw, the nominations were submitted in February but the decision was made in October, so the buzz of the Beer Summit took place way before last call.)
The Peace Prize was also an investment in the future. Here is an artists rendition of the kind of thing the Nobels are expecting of the American President:
Sure, Bin Laden [should i be freaked out that spell check doesn't recognize 'Obama' but has no problem with 'Bin Laden'?] doesn’t normally drink, something about its being against his religion, but i’m sure he’d be willing to make an exception if it was Blue Moon and for world peace.
[Almost forgot! A drink to Ken for bringing this bit of detente to my attention!]