Frieber!

Bieber Drunk in the Bar None Wallpaper (AlKHall Bar None Booze Nooze)

Bieber Drunk in the Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the Shot for a WallpaperJustnie

i heard the news today, and, oh boy, i’m at a loss. As a Functional Alcoholic Slurperson (Temporal) and tender bartender here at the Bar None, i’d like to take this opportunity to make an official statement in support of Justin Bieber and against the hyena’s arrest.

Justin Bieber 03 Mug Shot (AlKHall Bar None Booze Nooze Dregs)

The Bar None is protesting the arrest of Justin Bieber and, not just Miss Bieber but the incarceration of all little girls throughout the world. What kind of police state are we living in when a little girl can be stopped by the police and thrown in prison? What if she has her first period in jail? Will the wardens teach her how to use a tampon? i don’t think so. What if her boobs start growing behind bars, is there such a thing as a prison issue training bra ? i would bet there isn’t.

Justin Bieber 01 Training Bra (AlKHall Bar None Booze Nooze Dregs)

i’m sure that there’s a good explanation as to why Miss Bieber consumed alcohol. It’s our understanding that she was at a birthday party with her other girlfriends just before, so maybe a prankster poured vodka in her apple juice. As for driving the race car, in her addled condition, she no doubt mistook the Lamborghini for a Disney ride and was probably more frightened than anyone when the police helped her bring the car to a stop.

The point is this, a wee lass’s business is not police business. Childhood can not be regulated. Let little Justin’s parents worry about her education, for lest we forget, he is someone’s daughter.

Justin Bieber 02 little girl (AlKHall Bar None Booze Nooze Dregs)

Justin Bieber 05 (AlKHall Bar None Booze Nooze Dregs)

Justin Bieber 4 J&B (AlKHall Bar None Booze Nooze Dregs)

Dregs of the Week: New Yeah’s 2013

Sofia Vergara 2013-01-05 in the Bar None Bar None Dregs Wallpaper

Sofia Vergara in the Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the Shot for the Wallpaper

The New Year has come even if you haven’t (but hey, the couple that fakes it together, makes it together) and brings with it a whole barrel bottom-ful of Dregs. Like we got a girl shooting off her brother’s mouth, God not damning, the Chris Brown wreck, Lay-Lo laying low, and Sofia Veraga’s New Year’s boobs.

From the juiced-box: The Pretty Reckless – Kill Me

[Press ‘Play’ for what you listen to when you care enough to kill the very best]

Bar None Al K Hall

Commoner Dregs

January 2, 2013: Photo Shoot

Manuel & Savannah Ramirez Bar None Dregs

Starting things off with a bang this year.

You know me (and if you don’t, watch more Jerry Springer), i like to make fun as much as the next guy especially if the next guy is super funny. But i have to draw a line somewhere so i’m drawing one right here.

See, on New Year’s Eve in Phoenix, AZ a drunk 19 year old girl killed her brother while they posed for Facebook profile pics. The parties in questioning were drinking with buds when someone pulled out a gun and as the siblings messed around, the girl accidentally fired a bullet into her  brother’s head.

i know you like the back of my daddy’s hand, Barmaids and Beerhounds, and i know you’re gonna wanna make all kinds of jokes about this. Like you’re gonna be tempted to shoot your mouth off and say shit like, “Looks like they were doing shots” or “Talk about a photo shoot” or “Maybe he wanted a head shot .” Well, i’m here to tell you that shit don’t fly, you sick mother drunkard. What do you have going on in you brain to even think of bad puns like that?

November 15, 2012: Loop Holy

God may not be your copilot, but he sure as hell is Tyler Alred’s. This 17-year old shithead was drunk driving (0.07 %, just under the legal limit), hit a tree and killed his 16-year old passenger. Dead. He even pleaded guilty to manboyslaughter.

Tyler Alred Mugshot Bar None Dregs

You know who else is a shithead? The judge. He sentenced All-red to 10 years…in church. Swear to god. The judge passed on a suspended sentence of 10 years during which Tyler has to attend church service on Sunday.

The kicker? The sentence may not be too effective because Alred already goes to church every fucking Sunday. God damn it all to hell.

Jesus Really Does Save Bar None Dregs

Turns Out Jesus Really Does Save

Celebrity Dregs

December 23, 2012: What’s Wrong With This Picture?

Lindsay Lohan Bar None Dregs

Lindsay Lohan was photographed at a restaurant celebrating her sister Ali’s 19th birthday (Ali’s the one in the back left looking like Elizabeth Bennet out of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies), but it’s hard to tell because everyone in that family looks like the clan’s Gran, including the men.

The scandal that erupted like the zit on the nose of a Disney teen drinking and driving Herbie The Love Drunk had to do with the fact that it’s illegal for Lay-Lo to drink alcohol, and this law is brought to you by the same universe that says it’s OK to sentence a drunk driver to church.

Like every good alkie, however, Lindsay blamed her grandmother because you would too if you could get away with it and you would because what kind of lawyer would attack a grannie? To add salt to the wounds, Lay Lindsay Lay claimed that the drink is an alcohol free margarita, making it the only thing even close to virgin at the table. Plus, i’m pretty sure that’s not salt on the rim. Maybe the Coke isn’t in the glass, ‘swhat i’m sayin’.

Here’s a little tribute to the lovely bonds of sisterhood.

Lindsay & Ali Lohan Bar None Dregs Wallpaper

Lindsay & Ali Lohan Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

You guys pro’lly don’t care about what a sensitive soul i am, but this one picture right here is very heartistic and causes me a sadness i wouldn’t know where to explain.

Ali & Lindsay Lohan 02 Bar None dregs

And this one is just plain cute…

Ali & Lindsay Lohan 01 Bar None dregs

January 2, 2013: Breast Regards

Sofia Vergara 00 bar none dregs nip slip

Sofia Vergara Plays “Peek-a-Boob”

Sofia Vergara 02 bar none dregs

Sofia Vergara and Nick “Rock” Loeb-ster in the Bar None

Sofia Veraga has two very big boobs: her fiancé and her ex. On New Year’s Eve they all decided to party together which is the greatest idea ever since Rihanna decided to go back to Chris Brown. All this went down in Florida which, if you’ve read these dregs more than once you already know is where insanity goes to die and comes back to life so it can gnaw on the brains of the few people there that have any left.

The trio were partying in the VIP section of a club called Miami’s Story when Sofia So-Good and her fiancé Nick Loeb had words to go with their drinks (words like “asshole”, “fuckface”, and “stretchy head”, i bet). People at a nearby table stuck their noses into Loeb’s business and then his fist and in the following fight some people got beat up but, even better, some good soul was kind enough to pull down Sofia’s top for us.

Sorry about the censorship in the above shot but i can’t find an unadultery shot anywhere on the net. The closest i could find was this slip showing.

Sofia Vergara 02 nip slip in the Bar None bar none dregs

Sofaia Vergara will bend over backwards for you

i got more of this hot steamy mess down in my drawers…

December 9, 2012: Chris Browns His Underwear

Call me Basking Robbins ’cause i’m about to give y’all a scoop. Chris Brown, the guy you know you hate, was in a city called Paris (hint: doesn’t end with “Hilton”) in a land called France (the country Germany practices its global dominations on) and learned a very simple lesson in mathematsick.

Chris Brown 01 Bar None dregs

+

Chris Brown 02 in the Bar None Bar None dregs

=

Chris Brown 03 Lamborghini France Nabilla et Karrueche Bar None dregs

Seems Brownie rented a Lamborghini Aventador (shot 1), did a show and hit an after-party (shot 2), left the bar at 4 am and banged into some other dude’s car (shot 3). As i’m the only one talking about this (in English), i’m calling it a win for Team None. But, if i get wacked mysteriously or suddenly disappear without a face, start looking here at the French Connection.

Here’s a Bar None Artist’s misconception.

Chris Brown 03 Artist's Misconception Bar None dregs

Bar None Artist’s Misconception of Chris Brown’s Accident

i gots more shots of Chris and Rihanna drinking in my drawers, just at the bottom there.

Bar None Dregs

For Christmas, i promised that Saint Pauly kid i’d post this picture off his WTF (Watch the Film) blog. What do you think? Is is as funny as he says it is?

Return of the King WTF Watch the Film Saint Pauly

Troll Colonoscopy

Here comes the part where i wish you a Happy New Year. That’s done. Was it good for you?

updated-new-years-resolutions

i stole this from a website called Guapola because that’s the kinda shit i do.

Masochists will want to to go to All About Al K Hall for a complete list of all my websites on one page so you don’t miss out on any of my shit.

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

Below are pretty much just pretty pictures of much to do with nothing.

Continue reading

Dregs of the Week: September 16 – December 19, 2012

Ferrari Girl Wallpaper Collage at the Bar None

Ferrari Girl Collage at the Bar None – Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

It’s that time of year where i write about September dregs in December. i’ll talk about things like Facebooked Teens, Red Bullshit, wrecked Ferraris, wrecked Ferrari drivers, Yo Ho Hoes, Jessica Alba’s Golden Globes, and oh oh oh so much more.

From the Juiced Box and dedicated to Vorayuth Yoovidhya and Bobby Brown: Stevie Wonder – Don’t Drive Drunk

[Press ‘Play’ to hear some kind of Wonder. Stevie never drove drunk, neither should you.]

Back Flip

Commoner Dregs

October 2: FaceBook ‘EmFacebooked The Bar None

What kind of mind do teens have? Teeny. But don’t take my words for it, get it straight from the asses’ mouth. Or Timeline, if that’s how you roll because these pocket scientists broke into a neighbors house, partied, puked and posted it all on Facebook.

Days later, the owner comes home from vacation, connects to Facebook and sees his own furniture being abused by these idiots. Why didn’t he know as soon as he walked in the front door? Because the kids rebroke in the day after the party and cleaned everything up. Which is not as stupid as it sounds, because cleaning is actually a very good cure for a hangover.

The cops are hot on the trail of the perps, though, and this i know because the wasted youth tagged all their pictures on Facebook. i weep for the future.

The question, though, that no one but me is asking is, What the hell was the neighbor guy doing Facebook stalking pictures of partying teens? Grinning and Pedo Baring it, i’ll bet.

Facebooked 01 The Bar None

Speaking of Facebook. Does anyone out there understand “Groups”? The Bar None has a Group Page on Facebook (and why you haven’t Liked it is beyond me–go there and do it now, please, lazy ass) and there’s a graph on it. Here let me show you.

The Bar None on Facebook

The Bar None on Facebook

If you click on that image, you’ll see that i have “Reached” 1,433 people. What the fuck does that mean? i only have 35 Likes (at least until you just clicked on it a few seconds ago and i ‘preciate that, really) but i’ve reached well over a thousand. If you tell me i touched 1,500 people i’d say it was a conservative estimate but “Reach”? Can anybody tell me what this means? Thanks Drinkers, Drunks and Alcoholics anonymous.

Westvleteren XII Bar None Dregs 02

Drunken Monks

Nov 11: Piss It All Away

What’s the most expensive piss you’ve ever taken? Unless it was on your future father in-laws shoes (while he was in them), on the windshield of an occupied police car or in the boss’s coffee cup, your most expensive piss probably won’t come close to the leak you’ll take when you piss away the money you spent on Westvleteren XII. It’s supposed to be the best beer ever made but the people who say this never got drunk with the girl of their dreams on a sailboat drifting over a sea of night watching shooting stars and realizing you have nothing left to wish for because all your wishes have come true.

Monks in Belgium make this brew to see God but they need some extra cash and God’s a little short so they’re selling it to us peons for the price of $85 (glasses included). At that price you might want to cross your legs and hold it in a little longer to get your money’s worth.

Westvleteren XII Bar None Dregs 01

September 20, 2012: Sparrow Minded

If you’re going to be a chronic alcoholic, go big or go boating. Alison Whelan was in a place called England (a heavily desserted Isle where they binge drink warm beer and take soccer way too fucking seriously), tripping on ‘shrooms (which is not my fucking business) and super drunk on Lambrini at the wrong end of a 2-day bender (which is my fucking business, and business is booming).

Alison Whelan Mug Shot The Bar None

Alison Whelan Mug Shot

She snuck onto a ferry (the boat, not the slang term for most English men), called 999 to say she was having a seizure and after her boyfriend gave the EMTs shit, Alsion noticed the hotels on shore were getting smaller.

Realizing the boat had become unmoored and was floating out to sea, she told her matey that they were pirates now and kept yelling, “I’m Jack Sparrow” while the 2-storey ferry bounced off yachts in the port “like a pinball machine”, as prosecutors would later say.

i’m no expert–though i play one on this blog–but i’m thinking this episode may hurt her chances for the liver transplant she is currently waiting for…

Alison Whelan Jack Sparrow The Bar None

September 6: Red Bull Leaves You Run Down

Next time you feel a little run down, like your dragging, check to make sure it’s not the Red Bull.

Vorayuth Yoovidhya Mug Shot (Bar None Dregs)

Vorayuth Yoovidhya Mug Shot

In a magical country known as Thigh Land, balls deep in Bangcock, there was some Red Bull shit when the 27-year-old hair in the throne of the energy drink magnet hit and ran some cop dead. Sure, the poor officer (or ‘very poor officer’) was dragged under the car but, far worse, the rich car guy totaled his car! A Ferrari!

Vorayuth Yoovidhya Ferrari (Bar None Dregs)

Vorayuth Yoovidhya’s Ferrari (Bar None Dregs)

You know what? They should really make Ferrari’s drunk proof. Sure, Vorayuth Yoovidhya (pronounced ‘Very Hot You Video’) had a BAT of 0.63% but c’mon, he’s rich and rich people have different rules. He dropped a lot of cash on his car, the least it could do is keep him out of trouble.

2012-10-06 Ferrari Crash Bar None Dregs

Ferrari Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

Celebrity Dregs

October 26: Don’t Touch This

Bobby Brown has taken a huge step. After trying to create the first DUI Mugshot Playing Card deck (gotta drink ‘am all), after a symbolic rehab stint he hit only so he could run from the law, after being busted 2 months after that for another DUI, Bobby Brown has officially stated he is now considering rehab.

All of us in denial recovery know that the first step to sobriety is thinking about admitting you have a problem. ‘Course Brown is at a disadvantage here because “thinking” is not his strong suit in the Bobby Brown DUI Mugshot Playing Card Deck.

Bobby Brown Mugshot Wallpaper Bar None Dregs

Bobby Brown Bar None Mugshot Wallpaper – Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

December 14: Jessica Alba’s Golden Globes

Jessica Alba, Ed Helms, Megan Fox drinking champagne (Bar None Dregs)

Jessica Alba, Ed Helms, Megan Fox in the Bar None

Jessica Alba got drunk with the A-List (Alcohol List) to celebrate her Golden Globes noms (as in ‘nom nom’). Because ‘actor’ is how alcoholics spell ‘career’, Moët & Chandon champagne sponsored the event. Also on hand was Megan Fox who drank the champagne and may or may not be breast feeding, but writing “Megan Fox Breast Feeding” is one of the reasons i gave myself this job. Ed Helms (‘Andy’ from The Office and the dentist from The Hangover and The Hangover Part 2: Bad Remake) showed up too and could be heard slurring “Golden Globes sandwich” wherever he went.

Jessica Alba in the Bar None 0c

Jessica Alba in the Bar None 0a (Bar None Dregs)

Jessica Alba in the Bar None

Jessica Alba in the Bar None 0b Boozecocky (Bar None Dregs)

Bukaki? No, Boozecocky

i jammed some more general sexy shots of her Golden Globes in my drawers, down at the bottom of this post.

Bar None Dregs

WTF Banner

If you need a chuckle, Saint Pauly has posted WTF reviews of each of the Lord of the Rings movies. i laughed, even if he’s not as funny as me.

Go to All About Al K Hall for a complete list of all my websites on one page so you don’t miss out on any of my shit.

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

That’s all for the Dregs. Alls that’s left are some of the sexy shots, so click on the Read More link if that’s what you’ve come for.

Continue reading

Celeb Mug Shot: Amanda Bynes [Repost from April 8, 2012]

Back with a flash: Amanda Bynes has been officially charged with Hit ‘n’ Run (and i would, for sure) following all the shit i unload here in this blog i originally wrote back in April when we were all younger and innocenter and reeling from the news of another Disney Kid Gone Wild.

____________________________

Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

Guess what that is right there… A News Flash! (See what i did there?)

You know who else flashes? The police, when they pull you ass over. Just ask Amanda Bynes who decided to join the really ranks of the rich and shameless.

Not from the juiced box…

Press ‘Play’ for a flashback to a simpler time… Young Amanda Bynes and her cute little accent reading Nina Laden’s The Night I Followed A Dog.

Celebrity Dregs

April 6: Mind Your Own Bynes-ness

i’m sure y’all remember the cautionary tale of one Estella Warren who decided to get drunk, smash into parked cars and then have a meltdown while the confused neighbors called the police. At the time, i told you not to get drunk and run into parked cars. Well, not in so many words, but if you read the post then i think it’s pretty clear i’m not in favor of it.

Alackaday (which is such a real word i can’t believe you don’t believe me that it is), Amanda Bynes must not of read it and so she pulled all kinds of drunk crap you’re not supposed to do while driving.

“Like what?” you ask, quizzical bastards and curious beaches that you are.

Like she tried to pass a cop car. i’m not sure what the number 1 rule is for things not to do when drunk driving but i’m pretty sure number 1 is “Don’t pass cop cars.”

Followed by Rule #2: If you do pass a cop car while drunk driving, don’t crash into it. i’m even gonna be so bold as to generalize and say that it’s a general rule of thumb to never run into a police cruiser under any circumstances short of the zombie apocalypse. (And speaking of zombies, did you see Amanda Bynes Mug Shot?)

But Good Bynes doesn’t have the good fortune you do of knowing me and reading shit like this all the time. Because she passed the cop car and then ran into the back right quarter panel, which is shop talk for “the back side piece over the wheel thingy”. So the cops stopped her and decided she was in no condition to drive but she was in condition to go to jail.

Amanda Bynes Before and After the Bar None

TMZ also said that ol’ (what, she’s 26…that’s like tons old in dog years) Amanda has been partying hearty lately and pulling all kind of rapscallion moves and drunk driving and–you’re gonna love this– bailing on cops while they’re in the middle of writing her a ticket. Her balls are so big she has to wear them on her chest so they don’t chafe.

There’s more shots of that down there deep in my drawers.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

Amanda Bynes (26)

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.

Dregs of the Week: The Week of May & June, 2012

Rima Fakih Wallpaper

There She Goes, Pissed America… Rima Fakih Wallpaper – Click on the Shot for the Wallpaper

Long time no dregs, so i’m back with a flash to look at some drunk ass shit going down in the world. Miss Drunk USA comes in both small and medium sizes, a drunk guy can’t get something off his chest, Amber Bynes is still drunk and has become Scout Willis’s rock ‘n’ roll model, plus Matthew Fox who played Jack on Lost still is.

Speaking of Jack, here’s Jack Johnson – Red Wine, Mistakes, Mythology

[Press ‘Play’ to ‘take a piece of the sun and drink some’]

Commoner Dregs

A Toast

A toast to my brother from another drunkard, In The Same Boat, who brought this little bit of tid to my attention.

May 21: Shoulda Stuck to 12 oz. Curls

i’m allergic to exercise. Serious. Every time i try it, i sweat profusely and my heart rate increases and my breathing becomes labored so now all i do is watch TV because nothing bad happens to me that way. i’m also allergic to booze. It makes me break out in stupid. Mixing these? Are you on bath salts and after a little face time?

Apparently Chris Bailey, who used to be 28, was. He drank with his landlord in England until 3am when the landlord went to bed, but when the landlord woke up he saw the front door open and the garage light on and found Chris couldn’t handle the pressure…of the weights he’d been drunk lifting. Chris had been working out in the early morning and was dead, crushed by the weights he was lifting trying to lift. Look on the bright side, Chris, at least you’ll be the burliest mother fucker in heaven. Maybe not in hell, though–they got lots and lots of burly fucks in hell– so let’s hope you’re going to heaven.

Here’s another reason, like you need one, not to lift weights.

Female Weightlifters Wallpaper

Female Weightlifters’ Wallpaper – Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

Celebrity Dregs

June 6: Amanda Bynes Is Still Drunk

Amanda Bynes 2012-04-07 Big Head collage wallpaper

Amanda Bynes is a Heady Girl

Y’all remember Amanda Bynes from that one post where i told you about her so drunk driving that she crashed into a fucking police car? When she was so fucking drunk she refused every kind of test they could throw up at her? Of course you don’t remember because you were so into the photos that you forgot how to read but i’m here to remind you.

Guess what? She just went to fucking court drunk and i’m not even kidding because she pleaded innocent. After she hit a police car. And refused every drunk test that exists. The only logical explanation for her innocent plea is that she was so drunk her lawyer caught a contact buzz off her breath and oozed all the shit she wanted him to.

Go ahead and think i’m kidding because i know you and that’s what you’re thinking but how else do you explain her tweeting Obama himself to have her arresting deputy fired? If that’s not drunk tweeting i don’t know what is, and trust me, i know what is.

Amanda Bynes Tweet

June 6: Scout Willis is Stumbling in Amanda Bynes’ Footsteps

There seems to be a rash and not just the one that itches me late at night when it rains but one of minors getting arrested for underage drinking. For example “Boy” Scout Willis was popped like a cherry for underage drinking and identity theft because she had a fake ID (how much you wanna bet it was Michelle Rodriguez’s driver’s license she lost at some Tijuana strip club during a drunken lap dance for Rumer Willis?).

Scout Willis isn't a Minor, her parents are famous

Scout Willis isn’t a Minor, Her Parents are Too Famous

Adding to that rash is minor starlettes pleading Not Guilty by Reason of Infamity, i.e. too almost famous to have a record for drinking crimes. i rest my case in point on my lap and will tell you that Scout “Jamboree” Willis pleaded innocent to her charges as well and told her Dad to Die Hard the court’s ass.

Dec 3, 2011 – May 9, 2012 Q: What’s the one thing a Miss America hates to blow?  A: .19% on the BAC

Rima Fakih Mugshot

Everyone Gets a Mugshot in the Bar None

Here’s a Miss America i’m proud to have voted for. Rima Fakih (as in “Fakih, Fakih 10 dolla’) truly represents the intellectual cross section that is the U.S., especially how she gets pulled over drunk driving with an open bottle of French champagne and tries to get out of it by saying she’s Miss USA like it’s a real title and when that doesn’t work, she lies on Twitter about it by tweeting, “Wrong Rima Fakih” because the name ‘Rima Fakih’ is as common as … hmm, absolutely fuck all which is why i think she rocks and deserves to be Miss America. She reminds me a lot of some of the women i’ve dated in my life or at least dreamed of dating just like i dream of being with a Miss America so there you go, told you she was the right woman for the hand job.

Rima Fakih Drunk Wallpaper

Rima Fakih Drunk Wallpaper – Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

BTW, for those of you who haven’t given up on this post yet (and god bless you for your courage), she was sentenced to 6 months probation and 20 hours community service which might have something to do with pole dancing, i’m not sure. It would go a long way to explaining the shots of her pole dancing i got stuffed in my drawers at the bottom of this post.

Rima Fakih Stripper Pole

Here’s a Taste

May 15: Tori Vance is Driving in Rima’s Footsteps

Not to be undone, Miss Teen Arizona 2010 (it was a very good year) decided to take it a step further by getting popped like a zit for DUI but this time, while only 18 years old. And just like that, the number one person in the world i wanna party with goes  from Kirsten Dunst to Tori Vance.

Tori Vance Collage Wallpaper

Tori Vance Collage – Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

Matthew Fox DrunkThe cops pulled her over for puling an illegal u-ey and suspected she was drinking so they arrested her ass and the rest of her too but especially her ass and she hit just over 0.08% on the BAC which is the minimum to win a free trip to booking central.

There’s lots more drawer shots down there, Yo, after the “Continue reading…” link.

May 7: Outfoxed

Does Matthew Fox have a drinking problem? He’s fucking married to a woman named “Margarita Raunch” (Margherita Ronch), people.

Matthew Fox, dashing good guy hero figure of TV’s Lost, continued his downward spiral by getting popped for a DUI recently and that’s not even the most interesting thing he’s ben in deep, deep, trouble for, because this is the guy who nearly went to the pokey for punching a vagina. Punching. A. Vagina. He hit below the belt after he had one, basically. Hey, i punched twats when i was drinking, and i even punched assholes, but i never ever punched a vadge, ask any of the cunts i know.

You know what it is and you don’t so i’ll tell you, it’s the Get Lost curse. Y’all are pro’lly too young to remember but way back in 2005 i talked about how Michelle Rodriguez and Cynthia Watros got busted the same freaking night for DUI. If you’re keeping score and you know i am, that makes three Losers Losties and here’s a toast to my being around Evangeline Lilly before she either gets busted with “the others” or Foxy punches her in her Evadgealina.

A Toast to Evangeline Lilly

A Toast to Evangeline Lilly

So yeah, there are a lot more Foxy shots in my drawers with the rest of ’em.

Bar None Dregs

Happy Father’s Day!

Father's Day in the Bar None

Father’s Day in the Bar None

That Saint Pauly kid posted another couple of his What The Fuck? Watch The Film reviews.

First up is Amber Heard’s abortion with John Carpenter, The Ward.

Then, just in time for Father’s Day, there’s Rebecca de Mornay’s Mother’s Day:

WTF Mother's Day

Al K Hall

Al K Hall’s Drawers

Follow the “Continue Reading” link to enter the drawers.

Continue reading

Dregs of the Week: May 2012

Jenna Jameson 2012-05-27 Collage

Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

Jenna Jameson invents a whole new kind of Dirty Pole Dancing, James Bond gets rich drinking beer, and Kate Middleton, the already rich Princess of Tarts, would like to teach the world to drink. Then all kinda dregs are running round round baby in the Bar None dregs.

To kick things off, how ’bout something from the Juiced box and dedicated to Jenna Jameson: Airbourne – Cheap Wine & Cheaper Women.

[Press ‘Play’ for something like Jenna Jameson on a roller coaster…cheap thrills]

Celebrity Dregs

May 18: Your Palace or Mine

What do you call a Jubilee with no cherries? A Diamond Jubilee and they have them like every year in England. My favorite princess (well, after Clotilde Courau), Kate Middleton, invited everyone over to her palace to get them Royally drunk. i bet they served Crown Royal.

i crammed some shots of Kate into my drawers down there.

April 10: Heinie, Shaken Then Stirred

The news is out that 007% will now order a Heineken beer and not his dry martini in the next Bond movie that i’m not gonna name here because i’m against publicizing the shit that powers the powers that be.

At least it’s not cheap beer. Heineken paid the movie folk 45 million dollars for James to saddle up to the bar and order an “Icy Heinie, shaken then slurred. ”

Of course all these Bond purists have their Miss Moneypanties in a wad because it’s not cricket, but i bet they wouldn’t have so many scruples if someone offered them $45,000,000 to drink a beer. Hell, i’ve been in Alcoholics Anonymous for well over a year and i for sure could afford to fall off the wagon a little bit for 45 million. Anybody who tells you different doesn’t know what money is.

Here’s another Bond staple: Bond Girls.

Bond Girls

Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

May 25: Get Off the Pole Jenna

The category is: things porn stars do to poles. Award winning actress Jenna Jameson got to banging again last week except this time it was a telephone pole and that’s not even a euphemism. She hit the bottle and then the pole and she’s just wishing it was a strip pole. It doesn’t seem she rear ended it but she will no doubt be sore because she refused medical attention and went straight to the slam-her (yes, i did and i’ll do it again if i have to ).

She was arrested on suspicion of drunk driving because she smelled like the insides of Ron Jeremy’s Depends after he nurses his rum but she was in and out of the pokey faster than a premature incarceration. Anyway, i know y’all only read this for the wrecks, so here it is.

Jenna Jameson Now

Jenna Jameson: After / Don’t Click On The Shot For A Wallpaper

Yeah, i got some extra shots of Jenna bulging out of my drawers down at the bottom of this mess.

Bar None Dregs

From The Bar None’s Facebook page you can’t call me your friend if you haven’t joined yet.

Also in the news, my wife changed her name from Mrs Demeanor to Celeste E Hall and has changed her blog address accordingly. Click here to get there.

What!? You haven’t read The Rod‘s latest post!? What are you still doing here?

Also, Saint Pauly posted another WTF!?

Go here for a complete list of all my websites on one page so you don’t miss out on any of my shit.

Al K Hall on About Me

Al K Hall’s Drawers

Kate Middleton

Kate Middleton Drinking in the Bar None

Kate Middleton Stealing a Drink from the Bar None

Kate Middleton Drinking in the Bar None

Kate Middleton Drinking in the Bar None

Kate Middleton Drinking in the Bar None

Kate Middleton Drinking in the Bar None

Kate Middleton

Kate Middleton 02 Upskirt

Kate Middleton 03 Upskirt

Kate Middleton Bikini

Kate Middleton Bikini

Kate Middleton Bikini

Kate Middleton Ass

Kate Middleton Ass

Jenna Jameson

Jenna Jameson 00 in the Bar None

Jenna Jameson in the Bar None

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.

Celeb Mug Shot: Amanda Bynes

Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

Guess what that is right there… A News Flash! (See what i did there?)

You know who else flashes? The police, when they pull you ass over. Just ask Amanda Bynes who decided to join the really ranks of the rich and shameless.

Not from the juiced box…

Press ‘Play’ for a flashback to a simpler time… Young Amanda Bynes and her cute little accent reading Nina Laden’s The Night I Followed A Dog.

Celebrity Dregs

April 6: Mind Your Own Bynes-ness

i’m sure y’all remember the cautionary tale of one Estella Warren who decided to get drunk, smash into parked cars and then have a meltdown while the confused neighbors called the police. At the time, i told you not to get drunk and run into parked cars. Well, not in so many words, but if you read the post then i think it’s pretty clear i’m not in favor of it.

Alackaday (which is such a real word i can’t believe you don’t believe me that it is), Amanda Bynes must not of read it and so she pulled all kinds of drunk crap you’re not supposed to do while driving.

“Like what?” you ask, quizzical bastards and curious beaches that you are.

Like she tried to pass a cop car. i’m not sure what the number 1 rule is for things not to do when drunk driving but i’m pretty sure number 1 is “Don’t pass cop cars.”

Followed by Rule #2: If you do pass a cop car while drunk driving, don’t crash into it. i’m even gonna be so bold as to generalize and say that it’s a general rule of thumb to never run into a police cruiser under any circumstances short of the zombie apocalypse. (And speaking of zombies, did you see Amanda Bynes Mug Shot?)

But Good Bynes doesn’t have the good fortune you do of knowing me and reading shit like this all the time. Because she passed the cop car and then ran into the back right quarter panel, which is shop talk for “the back side piece over the wheel thingy”. So the cops stopped her and decided she was in no condition to drive but she was in condition to go to jail.

Amanda Bynes Before and After the Bar None

TMZ also said that ol’ (what, she’s 26…that’s like tons old in dog years) Amanda has been partying hearty lately and pulling all kind of rapscallion moves and drunk driving and–you’re gonna love this– bailing on cops while they’re in the middle of writing her a ticket. Her balls are so big she has to wear them on her chest so they don’t chafe.

There’s more shots of her down there deep in my drawers.

Bar None Dregs

2012-04-08: Check Into The Bar None

i’m doing a membership drive on Facebook for the Bar None. The main thing you can get there that you won’t get here is video, because it costs 50 something a year to install it here and i can’t afford that kind of cash. Plus, at the Bar None page on Facebook you also get exclusive funny shit like this…

How do i know it’s funny? Because it got repinned a buttload of times on Pinterest.

Yep, i don’t have enough to do online, i had to go and sign up for this. If you want to follow my pictures there, i’m known as “Al K Hall” and you’ll find me. If you want an invitation, i got some of those as well… Let me know and i’ll send one your way.

But go to The Bar None on Facebook first. i’m already hella popular on Pinterest, but i need your patronage at The Bar None.

2012-04-08: WTF!?

Oh yeah, i pro’lly forgot to tell you my frenemesis Saint Pauly posted yet another one of those WTF Reviews over at WTF!? This time he rips apart Shark Night 3D and it’s pretty funny.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

Amanda Bynes (26)

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.