[AlKHallism: From the juiced-box and a personal message for April: Elton John / Blue - Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word]
Dear Ms Stern,
Wayne Buchanan, my good friend and brother from another mother fucker told me that you had contacted him to express your displeasure over an article that appeared on this website in July 2010.
To begin with, i, Al K Hall, (Temporal) Functional Alcoholic Slurperson, am the author of the article. Wayne and Rodney, two regulars here in the Bar None, had nothing to do with that particular piece. Wayne is mentioned in that post because he led me to the pictures of kids “drunk on chocolate”. Rodney is mentioned in the post because he told me about the first article one the page: the Aussie who got drunk and petted the crocodile. Neither of them knew about your story or even read about your story until after i published it. So, please take your justifiable anger out on me and me alone.
Before i get on with the apologizing, i would like to mention for the record that i did not make up any details of the story i commented on. All of the information i used i got from a site that publishes articles about unusual arrests around the United States. In my past, when i was much more bored than i am now, i would scour the website looking for fodder for my Dregs posts.
Looking back on my article about you, i see clearly that i crossed a line. You are not the first person to contact me concerning my writing about them (Talitha Gorea did in the comments section of this post and my Booze Talkin’ Interviews started after an actress, Gabrielle Chapin, contacted me to complain about my comments concerning her movie Final Destination 4) but, rereading what i wrote about you was the first time i felt uncomfortable about something i’d written.
i try to walk a fine line between humor and respect in my articles and i clearly could not walk that line straight when i wrote what i did about your situation. i sincerely apologize for any embarrassment you may have suffered because of my words and look forward to making it up to you if you would care to explain how i might do that, either here in the comments section or in response to the private message i sent you. i would also love to tell my readers your side of the story if you would do me the honor of entrusting me with it. Please let me know.
With my most heart felt apologies,
Al K Hall
[Outro: Nirvana - All Apologies]