Dregs of the Week: New Yeah’s 2013

Sofia Vergara 2013-01-05 in the Bar None Bar None Dregs Wallpaper

Sofia Vergara in the Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the Shot for the Wallpaper

The New Year has come even if you haven’t (but hey, the couple that fakes it together, makes it together) and brings with it a whole barrel bottom-ful of Dregs. Like we got a girl shooting off her brother’s mouth, God not damning, the Chris Brown wreck, Lay-Lo laying low, and Sofia Veraga’s New Year’s boobs.

From the juiced-box: The Pretty Reckless – Kill Me

[Press ‘Play’ for what you listen to when you care enough to kill the very best]

Bar None Al K Hall

Commoner Dregs

January 2, 2013: Photo Shoot

Manuel & Savannah Ramirez Bar None Dregs

Starting things off with a bang this year.

You know me (and if you don’t, watch more Jerry Springer), i like to make fun as much as the next guy especially if the next guy is super funny. But i have to draw a line somewhere so i’m drawing one right here.

See, on New Year’s Eve in Phoenix, AZ a drunk 19 year old girl killed her brother while they posed for Facebook profile pics. The parties in questioning were drinking with buds when someone pulled out a gun and as the siblings messed around, the girl accidentally fired a bullet into her  brother’s head.

i know you like the back of my daddy’s hand, Barmaids and Beerhounds, and i know you’re gonna wanna make all kinds of jokes about this. Like you’re gonna be tempted to shoot your mouth off and say shit like, “Looks like they were doing shots” or “Talk about a photo shoot” or “Maybe he wanted a head shot .” Well, i’m here to tell you that shit don’t fly, you sick mother drunkard. What do you have going on in you brain to even think of bad puns like that?

November 15, 2012: Loop Holy

God may not be your copilot, but he sure as hell is Tyler Alred’s. This 17-year old shithead was drunk driving (0.07 %, just under the legal limit), hit a tree and killed his 16-year old passenger. Dead. He even pleaded guilty to manboyslaughter.

Tyler Alred Mugshot Bar None Dregs

You know who else is a shithead? The judge. He sentenced All-red to 10 years…in church. Swear to god. The judge passed on a suspended sentence of 10 years during which Tyler has to attend church service on Sunday.

The kicker? The sentence may not be too effective because Alred already goes to church every fucking Sunday. God damn it all to hell.

Jesus Really Does Save Bar None Dregs

Turns Out Jesus Really Does Save

Celebrity Dregs

December 23, 2012: What’s Wrong With This Picture?

Lindsay Lohan Bar None Dregs

Lindsay Lohan was photographed at a restaurant celebrating her sister Ali’s 19th birthday (Ali’s the one in the back left looking like Elizabeth Bennet out of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies), but it’s hard to tell because everyone in that family looks like the clan’s Gran, including the men.

The scandal that erupted like the zit on the nose of a Disney teen drinking and driving Herbie The Love Drunk had to do with the fact that it’s illegal for Lay-Lo to drink alcohol, and this law is brought to you by the same universe that says it’s OK to sentence a drunk driver to church.

Like every good alkie, however, Lindsay blamed her grandmother because you would too if you could get away with it and you would because what kind of lawyer would attack a grannie? To add salt to the wounds, Lay Lindsay Lay claimed that the drink is an alcohol free margarita, making it the only thing even close to virgin at the table. Plus, i’m pretty sure that’s not salt on the rim. Maybe the Coke isn’t in the glass, ‘swhat i’m sayin’.

Here’s a little tribute to the lovely bonds of sisterhood.

Lindsay & Ali Lohan Bar None Dregs Wallpaper

Lindsay & Ali Lohan Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

You guys pro’lly don’t care about what a sensitive soul i am, but this one picture right here is very heartistic and causes me a sadness i wouldn’t know where to explain.

Ali & Lindsay Lohan 02 Bar None dregs

And this one is just plain cute…

Ali & Lindsay Lohan 01 Bar None dregs

January 2, 2013: Breast Regards

Sofia Vergara 00 bar none dregs nip slip

Sofia Vergara Plays “Peek-a-Boob”

Sofia Vergara 02 bar none dregs

Sofia Vergara and Nick “Rock” Loeb-ster in the Bar None

Sofia Veraga has two very big boobs: her fiancé and her ex. On New Year’s Eve they all decided to party together which is the greatest idea ever since Rihanna decided to go back to Chris Brown. All this went down in Florida which, if you’ve read these dregs more than once you already know is where insanity goes to die and comes back to life so it can gnaw on the brains of the few people there that have any left.

The trio were partying in the VIP section of a club called Miami’s Story when Sofia So-Good and her fiancé Nick Loeb had words to go with their drinks (words like “asshole”, “fuckface”, and “stretchy head”, i bet). People at a nearby table stuck their noses into Loeb’s business and then his fist and in the following fight some people got beat up but, even better, some good soul was kind enough to pull down Sofia’s top for us.

Sorry about the censorship in the above shot but i can’t find an unadultery shot anywhere on the net. The closest i could find was this slip showing.

Sofia Vergara 02 nip slip in the Bar None bar none dregs

Sofaia Vergara will bend over backwards for you

i got more of this hot steamy mess down in my drawers…

December 9, 2012: Chris Browns His Underwear

Call me Basking Robbins ’cause i’m about to give y’all a scoop. Chris Brown, the guy you know you hate, was in a city called Paris (hint: doesn’t end with “Hilton”) in a land called France (the country Germany practices its global dominations on) and learned a very simple lesson in mathematsick.

Chris Brown 01 Bar None dregs


Chris Brown 02 in the Bar None Bar None dregs


Chris Brown 03 Lamborghini France Nabilla et Karrueche Bar None dregs

Seems Brownie rented a Lamborghini Aventador (shot 1), did a show and hit an after-party (shot 2), left the bar at 4 am and banged into some other dude’s car (shot 3). As i’m the only one talking about this (in English), i’m calling it a win for Team None. But, if i get wacked mysteriously or suddenly disappear without a face, start looking here at the French Connection.

Here’s a Bar None Artist’s misconception.

Chris Brown 03 Artist's Misconception Bar None dregs

Bar None Artist’s Misconception of Chris Brown’s Accident

i gots more shots of Chris and Rihanna drinking in my drawers, just at the bottom there.

Bar None Dregs

For Christmas, i promised that Saint Pauly kid i’d post this picture off his WTF (Watch the Film) blog. What do you think? Is is as funny as he says it is?

Return of the King WTF Watch the Film Saint Pauly

Troll Colonoscopy

Here comes the part where i wish you a Happy New Year. That’s done. Was it good for you?


i stole this from a website called Guapola because that’s the kinda shit i do.

Masochists will want to to go to All About Al K Hall for a complete list of all my websites on one page so you don’t miss out on any of my shit.

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

Below are pretty much just pretty pictures of much to do with nothing.

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10 Celebrity Halloween Costumes (A Top 10 Lips)

red-noir-lips bar none 10 celebrity halloween costumesTired of the question “What will you come as?” when you’re not sex role playing? Tired of being yourself and yet still don’t know what you want to be this year for Halloween? You’ve come to the right Bar None.

i’ve assembled a list of celebrity Halloween costumes to inspire you and, after some hemming (and hawing), i think i’ve got it all sewn up. Here, then, are ten Halloween costumes worn by actual celebrities that we can pattern ourselves after.

From the juiced-box and to get you in the mood, Marilyn Manson – This Is Halloween.

[Press ‘Play’ for Manson’s cover of the Danny Elfman song from Tim Burton’s The Nightmare Before Christmas]

1. Justin Bieber Going as “A Male”

Justin Bieber - Male Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Justin Bieber Dressed Up As A Boy

Ahh, Justin Cider, you’re still my favorite lesbian. Bielibe that.

2. Mitt Romney Going As “Presidential”

Mitt Romney - Presidential Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Mitt Romney Pretending To Be Someone Who Can

Don’t forget, you still have time to vote in the US Presidential Election. If you ware not an American citizen and would like to vote, i’m selling my vote to the highest bidder.

3. Kim Kardashian Going As “A Human”

Kim Kardashian - Human Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Kim Kardashian Almost Looking Like She Comes From This Planet

Nice twist on the “I’m going as an alien”, we have an extra terrestrial coming as one of us.

4. Lindsay Lohan Going As “A Camel’s Toe”

Lindsay Lohan - Camel's Toe Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Lindsay Lohan Gets Bestial

Lindsay as her (second) favorite part of a camel’s anatomy.

5. Lance Armstrong Going as “An Athlete”

Lance Armstrong - Athlete Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Lance Armstrong Wants us To Believe He’s Clean!

Drug addicts always pick costumes that reveal what they think they really are.

6. Honey Boo Boo Going As “A Child”

Honey Boo Boo - Infant Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Peter Dinky-lage’s Inamorata Pretends To Be A Grown Up

She even acts childish!

7. Rihanna Going As “An Intellectual”

Rihanna - Intellectual Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Rihanna Looking Like She Should Know Better

Only problem is, she can’t wear this costume if she goes with Chris Brown because no one would get she was smart.

8. Miley Cyrus Going As “Dafuq?”

Miley Cyrus - Dafuq Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Miley Cyrus Living The Meme

Why so Cyrus?

9 Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake Going As “Lovers”

Jessica Biel & Justin Timberlake - Lovers Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Prick Or Teats

i also could’ve put “Justin Timberlake – Straight”.

10. Amanda Bynes Going As “Air Bags”

Amanda Bynes - Air Bags Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Amanda Bynes on Shalloween

My personal favorite. Amanda went ironic this year in reference to both her drunken hit & runs.

Click Here For More Top 10 Lips

The Hot Rod Unloads – Would Somebody Take A Photo Of Me Topless Please?

Like many grumpy bastards my age (mid-30’s….) I like to have a rant against the world. Thanks to the internet, everyone can rant away to their heart’s content. Whether people listen… well, that’s another problem, but often, it’s less about who reads the rant as much as it is about just doing the ranting.

There’s a couple of things I’ve seen in recent weeks and months that have just made me weep for the future of humanity. As a grumpy old bastard, it’s my solemn duty to now proceed to berate you with what I see as prime examples of bottom-feeding pond scum living off the goodness of others.

Continue reading

Dregs of the Week: The Outskirts of April 22, 2012

Click on the Shot for Wallpaper Size

Turns out Lindsay Lohan, our resident Bar Nun, is quite the bruiser and if she isn’t that much of a bruiser she for sure is a bruisee, as the above collage will attest. She’s been up to her old tricks and no, i don’t mean selling her leathery manbag to men older than she looks, but hitting the clubs and raising hell again. So i got all kinds of good jokes about that and a commoner dreg from last year that i keep thinking about so much i gotta get it off my chesticles. Plus tons of Bar None dregs you’ll feel guilty about ignoring.

Here’s a tune not really from the juiced-box but a fitting plea from the voice of our veneration: Lindsay Lohan – My Innocence

[Press ‘play’ for Lindsay Lohan with that same old song and dance]

Commoner Dregs

December 7, 2011: Swimming with the Fishes

What’s the coolest way to commit suicide? Wrong. It’s death by piranha.

This 18-year-old Bolivian fisher kid got drunk and took his canoe to a part of the river he knew to be infested with the flesh eating fish and jumped in. Sure enough, the piranhas attacked him and he died from blood loss.

Kids, if i’ve said it once i’ve said it a thousand times: Don’t Drink and Dive.

Here are some safer alternatives:

Celebrity Dregs

The month of April: The First Rule of Night Club…

Wait a sec and enjoy the above poster before you read on. i made it myself because we’re all about the arts & craps here at the Bar None and if i told you how long i spent to get that mediocre result you’d laugh harder than you will at any of the following jokes. So just do me a favor and appreciate the picture so i get my appreciation’s worth, ok?

Onto the dirt.

The first rule of Night Club is to get in a fight with any random chick you happen to literally bump into there while you’re on parole and then let the press find out about it so they can tell everyone about Night Club. After that, the next rule of Night Club is to wait 2 weeks and go back to the exact same club and bump into someone’s car and call someone else for help…hmm…who should we call… i know! Let’s call our dad who has substance abuse problems all up in his anger issues. Picture that, Bone Man.

“Hi dad, the dude that was driving just got in a fender bender while I was the passenger, what should we do? Go in the club I just got into a fight inside the other night? Sure! You always have the best fucking ideas, dad. With guidance like this it’s amazing I turned out as fucked up as I am…”

Once inside the club, where they might not have even got drunk, some bitch started talking trash like i just did about how Lindsay was there with her dad and so Lindsay called the bitch on her shit so the bitch threw her drink on the Bar Nun.

i can’t help but think Lindsay was kinda asking for it, though, by going to a place called “Smoke and Mirrors”. With a name that lame you get what you stay for. Much better that she should hang out here, in the Bar None, where there’s absolutely no chance of her coming to fisticuffs with my patronizers and there no risk that the police will bust her anymore than she already is for her extracurricular sintertests.

Bar None Dregs

This week was a red letter day for me in The Bar None. Most of y’all don’t know because you never read this far but i opened the doors to this humble establishment on July 19, 2010 with a post called “Another Round in the Bar None“.

In August of 2010, i had a total of 39 hits for the entire month, averaging 1 little visitor a day. Yesterday alone, 5,039 of y’all stumbled in.

Last Monday, the 2 millionth patronizer passed out on these pages. i’m greatly grateful and humbly humbled that so many of you would chose this place, my place—nay, Our Place to come for your soft porn.

Speaking of not getting many hits on your blog, Saint Pauly posted another one of his trippy reviews over at WTF!? (Watch the Film).

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.

Drunk On Your Ass

You gotta check this song out…

It’s a remix by Divabaci, a regular reader, commenter and writer of Love, Life, Loss and Other Alliterations.

Check out the song and, if you like it, Vote for it, you supportive Somana beaches. Remember when you needed help and wished someone was in your corner? It’s as easy as clicking and Voting.

Vodka Tampon

Drunk On Your Ass

From the intelligentsia that brought you eye shots and butt chugging…

Now, how many times have people called you a drunk asshole?  How many times have you gotten drunk off your ass? Has anyone ever told you to take that drink and shove it up your ass? Guess what, now you can.

There’s a not so new fad that’s snaked its way into the back door of America’s youth and it comes in the form of a tampon. Apparently, you’re not anybody until you’ve doused a vampire’s teabag with vodka and wedged it up your rectum.

What will they think of next? Hopefully something that actually works because one journalist chick tried this for reals and said it just made her feel a little light headed, but i’m thinking that may just come from bending over in a toilet stall and trying to back a drunk driver up the Hershey highway.

Celebrity Dregs

February 2, 2012: Should He Hopper?

Lindsay Lohan was spotted like a leopard in my Gramma’s yoga pants which is just where Henry Hopper wants her. His dad is the late Dennis Hopper and guess what, he’s so late he’s not even coming because he’s dead. To imagine that what grew from his man yeast is now out on a booze run with “Mo-han Full Is A Waste” must have Dennis rolling one in his grave.

Not to worry, Hop-Head, she wasn’t using him for his peen work but rather his puny arms because she bought more booze than she could carry, which is a lot because girl can hold her liquor until she starts hurling it at people.

Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

Bar None Dregs

February 24, 2012: Oh No She Dinnit!

Oh yes she did. Mrs Demeanor, otherwisely known as my wife, finally started that blog about being married to someone like me. She named it after our sex life, now what?, and you can get there by clicking on the link.

February 23, 2012: Saint Pauly’s Kingdom

My tolermate, Saint Pauly, posted a pretty funny review (for once) over at WTF!? (Watch The Film). Give the guy a break–he’s so whack he at least deserves a pity hit.

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.

Celeb Dregs of the Week: Sept 11 – 25, 2011 (as if)

Click on the Shot for the Wallpaper

Because there is a God and he wanted Rosie Huntington-Whiteley drunk.

From the Juiced-box and dedicated to all these Dreggers: Asteria – Live Life to the Less

Celebrity Dregs: Things That Make You Go Hurl

September 14: i Love This Every Time i Make Myself  Think About It

The Bar None’s resident Bar Nun made the news again this week for shit that even i in my infinite Shitness have a hard time wrapping my brain around. Like one of those beer belches that turns out to be a barf so voluminous you can’t keep it in your mouth or swallow it back down so it spills forth from you in a reluctant flood down the front of your shirt and into a puddle on your lap, so was the way with all the drunken news about Lindsay Lohan that came out recently.

Starting with the normal abnormalities, Her Ho-ness went to a party for a magazine called V Magazine. What does “V” stand for? Why do you think they invited Lindsay…

At this party, Gin-dsay got drunk, as is her want, and threw a drink at a guy named Jasper because there are still parents out there somewhere in this wide and wonderful world of ours that think naming kids things like Jasper is a good idea. The reason she threw her drink at Jasper was not because he was a professional photographer for V Magazine, which he is, but because he was doing his job and took a picture of her. In public. At a party. For the magazine hosting the party she was getting drunk at.

Then, miscellaneously, some random person started bleeding at Linds’ table and had to be carried away by the Fire Department.

Oh yeah, and Lindsay’s mom, the Mohan (or “Mo-Fo-Han”, i still haven’t made up my mind) was there and drunk too.

September 15 (yes, the next day): “Here’s a Birthday Kiss. No tongue this time, Mom.”

Hold on, i’m gonna stop you right there before you start making all kinds of lesbian incest MILF jokes because this isn’t the kind of blog where we joke about that kind of thing.

This is the kind of blog where we post picutres about that kind of thing.

Seriously, how do you write about this? i swear to god i have no idea which end of this thing to grab and jerk on first. That a drunken, 25-year-old starlette is making out with her 49-year-old MIKOLTFOADIIWD (Mother I’d Kind Of Like To Fuck On A Dare If I Was Drunk) is news enough, but that it’s the Bar Nun! And her fucking Mother!

If i made life up it’d look a lot like this. Then you’d tell me i was sick and unrealistic.

And that doesn’t even include the Drawer Shots “down there”. Keep scrolling if you don’t believe me.

September 15: The Bar Niña

You know how i know California is the land of MILF and Honey? Because they got quantities of booze there that would morally bankrupt most hedonistic states. Not only did the city of Los Angeles contain sufficient volumes of booze to get Mommy and Little Lohan into some girl-on-girl (granted it proably took a lot less than they drank, but still) but also had enough left over to intoxicate Paz de la Huerta.

SPaz Dispenser showed up at a cat call for Boardwalk Empire and her (dis)appearance tempted HBO to retitle the show Bored-Stagger Empire. Here’s some shots for y’all to pour over.

Click on the Shot for the Wallpaper

Plus i got way more photos of Paz de la Hurla down in my drawers. Keep scrolling, babes.

September 23: “I know I’m drunk, but what am I?”



Kim Delaney, the lovely 49-year-old actress (hey, like Dina Lohan!) i first fell in like with during NYPD Blue balls but fell in love with when she had a cameo in drunk driving court is now in Army Wives, which, it turns out, is not lesbian porn but a real TV show. The word “army” in the title automatically qualified Kim as a speaker at an event honoring U.S. Secretary of Defense Robert Gates, so in a surprise tribute to how fucked up the miliatry is, she arrived onstage fucked up.

After slurring together a string of words that don’t belong together, her speech was cut short by loud voices and an intern who couldn’t find a shepherds crook so ran on stage to drag Kim off.

Bar None's artist hallucination of Kim

Just in case you don’t know why i fell like a drunk man walking on a fence beam over a pig styinto love with her, here’s a wallpaper. Plus there’s some scrappy shots sliding around in my drawers.

Click on the Shot for the Wallpaper

August 18: Depardieu Goes Oui-Oui on the Plane

Mythical French guy Gérard PépéLePew got super drunk on a plane that was going to fly to Dublin probably because he drank all the alcohol that was already in France and needed to drink another continent dry. But yellow journalists relieved themselves by leaking the story that while he was in continent he screamed out “I Need To Peace!” but no one let him because they probably didn’t understand that “Peace” is French for “Piss”.

But, despite the fact i just made these details up, no one let him pee so he stood up and peed in the aisle.  As in “Aisle be going now. Right here.” Of course the flight was cancelled. With all of the alcohol content in his urine, the pilot was worried about internal combustion or some shit so the flight was grounded like that time in high school i came home drunk and my Mom and Dad were still up.

Anyway, here’s in case you wanted a wallpaper of this mess.

September 21: Everyone Is Coming Up, Rosie

There’s a bar called The Box in a city called London. Not every place can be called Yeaman and have The Bar None, but here’s something that should put that other club and that London Town on the map: High model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley got drunk there. Come to the Bar None, Rosie! My box is always wide open for you.

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley thinking outside The Box

i got some big ol’ Rosie shots filling my drawers, as well.

Bar None Dregs


Go ahead, click on that link. i dare you. See!? The Bar None is now my private domain, literally. This way it’s tons easier to tell your friends all about this place so they can come by. Watch this, “Hey, check out ‘The Bar None dot Me’.” See how easy?

The Bar None

In my desire to take over the entire World Wide Web until the internet is known as TheBarNoneNet, i’ve set up a Facebook page for The Bar None. Please go there. Please Like me. Please tell your friends to Like me. The Rod is getting so lonesome.

Al K Hall, Plus 1

Will you be my +1? i have my own Google Plus page now, as well. If you want to be in my inner circle, just go here and add me all over the place.

Thank You For Patronizing Me

Gornoblonde is The Bar None’s latest patronizer! Thanks for the subscription, babe! Next time you stop by, leave a comment so i can welcome you properly.

And if you too want to be as famous as Gornoblonde and have your name seen by a daily average of 3500 people, all you gotta do is click the “Serve Me Up” button over there on the upper right.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

Lindsay Lohan (25)

Paz de la Huerta (27)

Kim Delaney (49)

From a 2002 DUI Arrest

Bonus Oktoberfest Shots

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.

Commoner Dregs of the Week: September 11-17 (or the balls park)

Click on the Shot for the Wallpaper

The Dregs have risen again and i know because they’re floating all around me. They’re floating in Ukrainian beer baths, sticking to James Bond drinking gadgets, spewing out of glove compartments, hanging out dead in strip clubs, drinking to not drinking, pulling out their own teeth and so much more other shit you won’t believe unless you read on.

Dedicated To Katherine Goldberg: Billy Joel – Captain Jack (Live)

[Press ‘Play’ for Captain Jack to get you high tonight…]

Commoner Dregs

September 9, 2011: You Smell Like A Brewery

They got more in the Ukraine than just a population of hot women who look like jailbait and can drink you under the table before marrying you for your papers so they can detour the whole white slavery route in order to escape to a country whose major industry isn’t sexual tourism. However, in case you don’t know what that looks like, here’s a wallpaper i made simply by Googling “Young Ukranian Brides”. So all of these women in this picture are available to the highest bidder.

Click on the Shot for the Wallpaper

Like i said, though, they got more than this because they also got baths. And before you go getting all smarmy and making all kinds of racist jokes, yes, i’m positive they have baths. They even go so far as to have beer baths because the oats and bubbles are supposed to rejuvenate the skin and the yeast is supposed to infect you with energy. Shit, if taking a bath in beer is that beneficial, imagine what would happen if you ingested it orally.

There’s some single shots of Ukrainian babes and the Ukrainian Babe President filling my drawers down below.

September Whenever: Jim Bond

From Russia With Drugs (OK, the Ukraine) comes The Spy Who Drunk Me. For Your Ice Only this is a License to Swill. This here’s a breathalyzer jacket so that if You Only Drink Twice from a Bottle of Solace, sipping some of that Vodkapussy, that you live to Rye Another Day and not Gin and Let Die.

What else do i got for The Man with the Golden Rum? The perfect accessory for the breathalyzer tux: Bottle Opener Cuff Links.

September 16: Dead Drunk

Ooh, someone needs a stiff drink.

Here’s a good idea for a movie that i just had. Let’s say there’s this one guy who’s poor so he has to crash at his buddy’s house ’til he gets on his feet but comes home to find the nice buddy will never get on his feet either because he’s now dead. With me so far? Ok, Po’ Boy (aka, Robert “Not So” Young) dumps the body in the car and hauls ass (and the dead ass) over to a restaurant where Mark Rubinson works and i’m guessing it’s not as “Resident Genius” ’cause “Not So” Young and Rubinson “Cube Head” drive the body to a couple restaurants and leave the corpse in the back seat of the car because they don’t even have to roll the windows down a crack.

Robert Young & Mark Rubinson Mugshots

Then in my terrific movie idea, they ditch the corpse at his house because who would want to take a stiffy to a strip club? And that’s exactly where they go, someplace called Shotgun Willie’s, and they’re not as stupid as i originally thought because they take the dead guy’s bank card because the last lap dance will be on him (figurely speaking, of course). The movie ends when the strip club closes and the guys flag down a cop and say there might be a dead guy back at the house. The End.

Hey, y’all? If i die and you find my body, don’t you dare treat me the way these guys treated their buddy. You damn well better take my ass into that strip club if you’re gonna use my fuckin’ money. If you leave me at home, i’ll haunt your ass for eternity.

[See that, bitches? The first journalist ever to write about this story and not make a reference to Weekend At Bernie’s. BOO-YA.]

September 1: I’ll Drink & Drive To That

As if her being young, sexy and drunk weren’t enough…

i mean, Kaitlin Rymaszewski would’ve earned a place in my heart and in these Dregs just for being hot, 22, and having a name that could choke Linda Lovelace—the irony of her story is just cream on top. She’s driving down the road, speeding, and when she sees the cops she starts braking and turning and turning and turning but the police catch up to her and pull her over.

Kaitlin M Rymaszewski Mugshot

The officer approaches the vehicle, smells alcohol and sees beer pouring out of the glovebox. Inside it is an open Bud Lite tall boy that she got as a present for completing an alcohol-education program she had to attend because she was busted for drunk driving in March 2011.

i can see why she got the certificate, though, ’cause she knows a whole lotta shit about booze.

Kaitlin, babe? You out there? Can i interview you for the Bar None?

September 15: What a Boner

It must have been hard for Gene Boner. Captain in the police department, this cock-up came prematurely off the road because he was drunk up to his Blue Policeman Balls. Let’s hope he gets the stiff punishment he deserves.

Gene Boner Mugshot

September 14: D.I.Y. Dentist It Yourself

You know how you sit around your place drinking and telling yourself that you’re not an alcoholic because there’s tons of alcoholic shit you ain’t never done? Here’s something you can add to that list.

After Francisco Rojas’ wife called 911, the police arrived to find a drunk man in his garage trying to pull out his own tooth with a pair of pliers. The room was full of the stench of the vomit he was able to extract tons easier than the tooth.

Francisco Rojas mugshot

Here’s something i don’t recommend you say to the police when they come to your garage:

This is my fucking house, I can say and do whatever the fuck I want. I’m fucking drunk and you can’t do nothing about it.

Especially because they will do something about it, like raise the garage door because of the puke stench and when they do all the neighborhood kids are gonna be standing in the driveway for the show and that for sure is gonna make you wanna say something like:

Fuck you, Mr. King. Take me to fucking jail.

This might pose a problem as none of the the cops are named Mr King and they really didn’t want to take you to jail in the first place but you just left them no other fucking choice, did you?

See how much you’re not a real alcoholic?

i think i know what happened here

September 14: Flying High

Yeah, like you’ve never been drunk on an airplane before. i know y’all don’t remember and care even less but three years ago i drank all kinds of shit in first class but i never once grabbed a guy’s dick, not even a flight attendant’s no matter how cute he was and if you don’t have photos, it didn’t happen.

Yes, i Drank All This In One Flight

Unfortunately, Katherine Goldberg can’t say as much because she drank a pint of whiskey and told this guy stewardess who was probably gay anyway that she wanted his tube steak for dinner and her pie à la moded for dessert before she went all off on his crotch by groping his not-so-easy jet. Everyone knows how hard it is to get any kind of service in a plane and this case was no different. Apparently the friendly skies are less and less so because the guy refused to press anything but charges.

That’s something else you never done, too, so you really must not be an alcoholic. See what kind of public service shit i offer up in the Dregs?

Bar None's Artist Hallucination Of Who Went Down

Celebrity Dregs

Coming soon to a blog near you.

Bar None Dregs

September 19: A New Barmark

i’d like to take a minute to thank all you readers, oglers and drunks for making the Bar None the most popular unknown bar blog in the universe. On Monday of this week, more than 5000 patronizers stumbled into the Bar None for the first time in the history of the Bar None. Y’all are the best and rock the hard way.

Click on it if you don't believe me

September 09: No, i didn’t forget

i remember very well that Miss Demeanor made an honest man out of me by officially becoming Mrs Demeanor in a justice of the peace’s office here in Yeaman. i just didn’t tell you guys until now. And there was much rejoicing.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

Drunken Baths for Dirty Minds

Click on the Shot for the Wallpaper

Ukrainian Girls

Yulia Tymoshenko

Click on the Shot for the Wallpaper

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.