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From the juiced-box and the soundtrack: Ray Charles – Tell The Truth
Ramblings: Education Fail
Final Proof: 2 Shots
You know how you drink with jail bait? They drink virgin cocktails that don’t stay that way for long and have these great learning curves because their innocence goes like a shot and they learn how to use their lucky charms to get exactly what they want. You pay for their rounds and they drink you down, down into blue ruin and they ruin themselves as much as they do you. Sure they wake up with the same hangover but because they’re young and beautiful nothing really and truly bad ever happens to them. They use you like a pencil on someone else’s tab and then they get famous for telling their stories and leave you wasted away. An Education is kind of like that.
There are a couple things i need to clear up right away. The first is that i was drunk as hell when i saw this movie. The second is that it really pissed me off and this was because of how well the film was made. It got up my nose because it was too easy for me to identify with some of the characters and that means from a film-making point of view it worked. But from a drinker’s point of view (meaning from the floor up) this film is irritating as all get out.
What left a bitter taste in this alkie’s mouth was the lack of consequences for Jenny (Carey Mulligan), our addictive little heroine. Yes, she did have her heart broken but she used the pieces as steps to ascend to greatness and get everything and more than she wanted from life.
David (played impeccably by Peter Sarsgaard), on the other hand, is the most complex character in the movie because he evolves from perverse to idiot to cowering simp. Jenny’s dad (Alfred Molina) is pretty much a boorish oaf at the beginning and his arc leaves him stranded on the top of Mount Idiot.
The thing we learn about men in An Education is that we’re boobs. Men are basically weak assholes and we have to suffer the consequences for this fact of nature.
Don’t get me wrong, this is not an anti-feminist rant. i agree with everything that’s said about men here. Seeing myself as a simpleton for 2 hours is just a little depressing and when i left the theater i hated men and myself. i just want to be a teenage lipstick lesbian is i guess what i’m saying.
Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)
Sex: 3 Shots
It’s a tricky subject because the movie is based on a young girl (played by 24-year-old Cary Mulligan) who loses her virginity to a much older man at the then legal age of 17. You’re supposed to watch this movie and not be creeped out but instead impressed by a touching coming of age tale. i’ll ask for the same indulgence as you read this section; just keep thinking “touching tale, touching tale, touching tale” over and over again.
There are lots of high school girls in uniforms during the opening credits.
There’s also Carey Mulligan (24) who was nominated for an Oscar for her portrayal of Jenny. Here’s a cute bit for you:
Jenny’s Friend (holding a banana): I thought we might get the messy bit over first.
Jenny: I don’t want to lose my virginity to a piece of fruit!
Here’s some other cute bits.
Carey Mulligan (And Shia Lebeouf) In The Bar None
Miss Demeanor nudged me during the movie and whispered that Miss Stubbs (Olivia Williams–41) was secretly hot even though there was no way to know it behind the sadistic librarian look.
Here’s what she looked like in the movie and in a promotional shot:
Miss Stubs / Olivia Williams
Here’s more proof that Miss D was right and that Olivia was hot in disguise.
Appearing as Helen is Rosamund Pike (31). Y’all might also remember her from my exposé of her in Surrogates.
For the Silken Butterflies in An Education, let’s start off with British jazz singer Beth Rowley, who plays Nightclub Singer. Before i give serve you the shots, here’s a song from the juiced-box and the soundtrack: Beth Rowley – You’ve Got Me Wrapped Around Your Little Finger
Beth Rowley At The Bar None
There was also the cute Ellie Kendrick (20) as Tina:
For those of you who prefer carrots to the whip, i got Peter Sarsgaard (who i already exposéed in Orphan):
Drink: 2½ Shots
Lots of little references:
- Drinking with the [first] boyfriend; he tells her “You drink anything put in front of you and then you drink it down and ask for more.”
- A pint of beer at birthday dinner
- Whiskey for David
- Wine at the [unintelligible]
- Champagne at the dog track
- Bloody Marys for [illegible]
Rock & Roll: 0 Shots
Some nice jazz but nothing rock, even if this is set in the early sixties. We’re talking Mel Tormé, babes. Still, there was Duffy doing “Smoke Without Fire”. Here it is on the juiced-box.
Boring Technical Crap
Written by:
Lynn Barber (memoirs)
Nick Hornby (screenplay)
Directed by: Lone Scherfig
Starring
Carey Mulligan – Jenny
Olivia Williams – Miss Stubbs
Rosamund Pike – Helen
Beth Rowley – Nightclub Singer
Ellie Kendrick – Tina
Peter Sarsgaard – David
Bottom Line
Learn from my mistakes: don’t see it.
You know how you go to a bar on Tuesday night? You don’t expect to get drunk, you don’t expect to meet friends, you don’t really expect to have a good time but sometimes it’s nights you expect the least that take off most unexpectedly. Then again, if that happened with any regularity, bars would always be packed on Tuesdays. They’re not, because usually the only real action in the bar on Tuesday comes from the cleaning woman vacuuming so she can clear out early and the bartender checking his watch so often it seems he’s doing it loudly, like the the watch face will tell him it’s ok to call last call hours early to save the time and money you and the two odd whispering men spilling inside the booth next to the bathrooms are wasting on this investment that won’t pan out to anything more than fool’s gold no matter if you wait all the way until Friday night. Surrogates is kinda like that.
While there are no actual sex scenes or nudity, there are so many hot actresses here that you need a program to tell them apart. Good thing i’m here, huh?
