Tag Archives: The Final Destination

Famous People Know Me: An Open Letter To Gabrielle Chapin

From the Juice-Box, for Gabrielle Chapin:


Gabrielle Chapin

A Picture BY (not OF) Gabrielle Chapin. (c) G.ChapinStudios

Gabrielle Chapin

A Picture BY (not OF) Gabrielle Chapin. (c) G.ChapinStudios

Gabrielle Chapin

Celebrities read my blog!

Last month i posted this review of The Final Destination (4), and in it i wrote about Gabrielle Chapin, an up and coming actress whose bits have a part in the film.

Here’s what i had to say about Ms Chapin:

On top of that, literally, there’s the token titty scene of a girl with her large-ish rack (here’s where you want 3D) bouncing on a guy, cowgirl style. What’s cool is, not only does the actress (Gabrielle Chapin) have to hide from her friends and family that she was in FD4, she also has to deny being credited ‘Girl On Top’. (i kid you not, check out imdb if you don’t believe me.)

Guess what–yesterday i received a comment from Ms Chapin herself! You can check it out at the bottom of the post, or you can read it here:

Dear Blogger -
Your claims as to my “hiding” from friends and family that I played a role in FD4 are inaccurate and I would greatly appreciate it if you would remove that from your blog. Also, never have I denied that I was credited “Girl On Top”, as this credit allows people to properly identify who plays that character. Thanks for the extra publicity, despite it being incorrect. I do appreciate you telling everyone that the “large-ish” rack is why they want 3D glasses, lol…it is quite an experience to see.

Respectfully,
Gabrielle Chapin

i would now like to address Ms Chapin personally.

welcome mat

Gabrielle [can i call you Gabrielle?],

Let me begin by welcoming you to The Bar None. It is an honor to to be graced by the presence of such an attractive and sincere young lady and you do more for the decoration of this place than even the Velvet Elvis poster over the Juice-Box. Your visit makes you an honorary member of D.R.I.N.K.E.R. and full membership is available on request.

i’d also like to thank you for taking the time to write me concerning my review of The Final Destination (4) and for being so polite when bringing to my attention the issues you had with my review. It would have been easy to rant on and on about how callous i can be, and the reserve you demonstrated indicates a lot of class on your part.

i’m touched you called me ‘Dear’ but next time you drop in, please feel free to call Me “Al”. “Blogger” sounds so distant, y’know?

As per your request, i have edited my original post to read “The actress (Gabrielle Chapin) is so much better than the rest of the movie and is credited as ‘Girl On Top’. (i kid you not, check out imdb if you don’t believe me.) Someone of her natural charm deserves a more appropriate description; i’m thinking “Sweet & Sexy Girl On Top” or “Charming and Talented Girl On Top”.”

i hope you didn’t misunderstand my original intention, however. When i said you had to hide the fact that you were in FD4, i meant that 1) the movie wasn’t very good despite your dazzling appearance, and 2) being known as ‘Girl On Top’ isn’t terribly flattering. What i’d written was also tongue in cheek. i didn’t mean to denigrate you or to imply you had a reason to be ashamed. My apologies for not being clearer about that in the first draft.

i was glad to learn you weren’t offended by my comment about your “large-ish’ rack”. The remark could have been interpreted as sexist, so i’d like you to know i have changed that as well. It now reads, “a girl with the large rack”. ;-)

You are also more than welcome concerning the extra publicity. As you see, i have included pictures of you here to help spread the word. Please feel free to send any other pictures you have that you would like published on the net, i’d be more than happy to help in any way i could.

In closing, i wish you the best of luck in your acting career and your photographic aspirations. You are a very talented young lady and it’s been a pleasure communicating with you.

Respectfully,

Al K Hall

Click here to read my exclusive interview (with photos) of Gabrielle Chapin.

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Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed Review of THE FINAL DESTINATION 4

Comes Prematurely
Comes Prematurely

Shinedown’s “Devour” on the Bar None’s Juice-Box:


[Click here for a guide to Booze Revooze and the rating system used]

Ramblings: The Final Destination Doesn’t Go Anywhere

i made two mistakes with this movie. 1) i saw it sober, 2) i didn’t see it in 3D. i hate seeing 3D movies in 2D. There are all these special effects like pointy knives and blood splatter that are supposed to freak out a 3D audience but fall flat on us 2 dimensional spectators.

The reason i shoulda got drunk before is because The Final Destination (aka, Final Destination 4) is a one dimensional draft of the last three servings. Every time they take a strong brew and try to serve it up again it just gets more and more watered down–to the point you can’t get drunk and just have to pee a lot and you’d love to grab the bartender by his weeny bow tie and force him to lap up all the diluted slop he’s been pouring all night but you can’t because you have to keep getting up and going to the can. God, i hate that. Just like i hate this movie.

Final Proof: 1 shot (Piss)

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: 2 Shots (A Little Weak)

Shantel VanSanten has a too-short scene in pajamas that consist of a tight, spaghetti strap top and panties. Very cute, especially for those of us who think that more than a mouthful is a waste (i’m talking about boobs here, people, not booze).

A Mouthful

A Mouthful

On top of that, literally, there’s the token titty scene of a girl with her large rack (here’s where you want 3D) bouncing on a guy, cowgirl style. The actress (Gabrielle Chapin) is so much better than the rest of the movie and is credited as ‘Girl On Top’. (i kid you not, check out imdb if you don’t believe me.) Someone of her natural charm deserves a more appropriate description; i’m thinking “Sweet & Sexy Girl On Top” or “Charming and Talented Girl On Top”.

A Smoke

Drinks: 1 Shot (Piss)

Once scene has a guy at a sporting event sipping whiskey out of a flask designed as binoculars.

“Is that Jack?”

“Nope, his friend Jim.”

One of the characters killed his wife and kid while driving drunk (‘cept it’s backstory and we don’t get to see it). During the movie he resists the urge to take up the bottle again, though he does toast with apple juice champagne. Woo hoo.

Another guy drunk drives his pickup and constantly swigs out of a 40. Acting drunk is tough and this guy screws the hooch because he basically empties the can by throwing his arm around like a spastic on ice. Real drinkers may drop a glass now and then, we’ve been known to slosh a little when we move, but none of us spill beer through the top of the can repeatedly. Also, he sobers up too quickly but then again maybe that happens when you’re on fire and being dragged behind a truck. i wouldn’t know.

A Smoke

Rock and Roll: 3 ½ (Kinda Strong Stuff)

The only part of the movie that wasn’t empty. Music includes a lot of decent metal, including “Devour” by Shinedown.

A Smoke

Boring Technical Crap

The Final Destination (Final Destination 4)

Directed by David R Ellis

Written by Eric Bress (story) & Jeffrey Reddick (characters)

Starring Bobby Campo, Shantel VanSaten

Click here to read my exclusive interview (with photos) of Gabrielle Chapin.


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