Booze Revooze: G.I. JOE: RETALIATION

GI Joe Retaliation 00 poster AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze

From the juiced-box and the soundtrack: The Four Horsemen – Back In Business Again

[Press ‘Play’ for some fuckers back for another round]

i got lucky again, if “lucky” means seeing this one day before it was released in the States. If it doesn’t mean that, then i got whatever the word for seeing it in Yeaman first is.

Here’s the shots off my cell phone as proof.

G.I. Joe: Retaliation screen shots Bar None Booze Revooze

Ramblings: G.I. Joe: Retail Nation

Final Proof: 3 Shots

3 shots

You know how you get drunk with a pizza delivery guy? He shows up on time and decides to come in and have a brew with you and he’s only just a kid but cool enough and after all he did bring the fucking pizza. Sure, all he did was bring what you ordered but how often have you ordered a pizza and they get the order wrong and it’s got pineapple or fish or some shit on it or they bring it way too late or sometimes they don’t even bring it at all? At least this guy really brings it. He brings the pizza and it’s not an awesome pizza, hell, it’s not even a great pizza and it’s not like they surprise you with extra ingredients or a hot delivery chick or free beer, you get just what you ordered and you ordered what you wanted so you end up getting what you wanted which is more than you can say for a lot of drunk pizza delivery guys. G.I. Joe: Retaliation is exactly like that pizza: simple fare but fare enough.

GI Joe Retaliation 01 AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze

Cue Ball + Crystal Ball = 2 big balls

Yeah, i hesitated between 2½ and 3 shots but i decided to round up for a couple reasons. Like i didn’t expect much and i wasn’t disappointed, which actually doesn’t always happen. Like with The Expendables, i went expecting a basic action movie and i saw an ugly chick flick.

It’s simple, when i see an action movie i want rock and roll, special effects, and action. Lots of fucking action. G.I. Joe: Retaliation delivers all of that. Nothing more, but what they delivered is fulfilling enough that i left satisfied.

The story was easy to follow and didn’t need tons of talk to set it up. The costumes and sets were often kind of cool, the fight scenes weren’t boring and there were enough of them, the actors were above average for the genre, and the special effects didn’t look too fake.

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Street Fighter flashback, anyone?

Some things were hard to swallow, of course. Like the code names these poor Joes are stuck with are downright embarrassing. i can’t imagine the shame of the G.I. Joe cotillion when people have to walk around with name tags that say, “Roadblock”, “Firefly” or “Storm Shadow”. A couple of WTF moments left a bad taste in my mouth (Welshman Jonathan Pryce as President of the United States? A country where the President can replace his entire staff with Nazis over night and everyone obeys with 100% commitment simly because he’s the President?) but this is a pizza movie so i’m not gonna bitch because i can’t have my cake and eat it, too.

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An Welsh president? Only in America

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: 2 shots

2 shots

Yes, there was a slather (yes it’s a word, it’s spelled s-l-a-t-h-e-r) of Silken Butterflies and Elodie Yung is French so that’s another bonus point but the 2 shots here is all Adrianne Palicki (as “Lady Jaye”). While i was looking up pictures of her for this post, i saw her progress from this cute young woman who posed in provocative pics to launch (among other things) her career and then i saw she’s been in more doomed pilots than a gay World War II Flying Ace. Wonder Woman, Aquaman, The Robinsons: Lost In Space

GI Joe Retaliation 06 AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze sex

“My 3rd eye mole is up here.”

That she’s beautiful is obvious but watching her on screen i saw a natural charm and a down to earth spark that lit me up. She was born in fucking Toleda, for chrissake. Is she the girl next door? Don’t fuckin’ know, but she can sure as shit act like it and she’s an actress, after all, so if she’s good enough to act like she is then i’m buying into the myth conception.

Starting with this.

Adrianne Palicki 2013-03-27 Bar None Wallpaper Booze Revooze

Adrianne Palick Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

There’s tons more single shots of her down in my drawers. Just keep scrolling down until you hit my pay dirty.

Plus like i already said, Elodie Yung was in this as Jinx and she’s so cute she could be French. Because she is. Plus she’s Elodie Yung, which she is too. This is what i mean.

Elodie Yung 2013-03-27 Bar None Wallpaper Booze Revooze

Elodie Yung Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

There’s more shots of her in my drawers with Adrianne down there. ↓

Silken Butterflies

There was a slather (see? would i have used it twice if it wasn’t a real word?) of lovely ladies who were in the movie just long enough to wet our…whistles and to leave us wanting more.

First up are the amazing Joanna Leeds and Elana Justin who both star as interns.

Joanna Leeds 01 Bar None Booze Revooze

Joanna Leeds

Elana Justin 2013-03-27 Bar None Booze Revooze

Elana Justin

Then there was the incredible Tiffany Lonsdale who appeared as the “British Expert”.

Tiffany Lonsdale 01 in the Bar None Booze Revooze

Tiffany Lonsdale in the Bar None

Finally, is the tragically uncredited Brittney Alger who played the pivotal role of Bartender #1.

Brittney Alger 01 Bar None Booze Revooze

Is she not adorable? i’ma hit her up for an interview to make up for the fact she was uncredited in the movie. i’ll give her credit where credit is due, ‘swhat i’m saying.

Here’s the blow by blow of the sex in the movie:

  • She [Adrianne Palicki] bends over in shorts, half jogging shirt & she’s fit
  • Her [Adrianne Palicki] in a red dress changing out of it into t-shirt with sexy black lingerie [while Flint watches her by her reflection in a TV screen]
GI Joe Retaliation 05 AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze sex

Not enough sex on TV

  • Her [Adrianne Palicki] in jeans from behind. Oh my…

A Smoke

Drink: 0 Shots

GI Joe Retaliation 07 AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze drink

How do you know it’s PG-13? We toast with water.

Square this one away and get me a beer.

–The short-lived Duke to a subordinate concerning a nuclear missile after a mission

  • Champagne at presidential roast
GI Joe Retaliation 08 AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze drink

“When I stand up, you’ll get the bottle back again.”

A Smoke

Rock & Roll: 3½ Shots

3  & 1-2 shots

The action was good and a couple times it was even semi-original which was way more than i could’ve hoped for.

Add to that a decently hard soundtrack by some guy named Henry Jackman, plus the song at the top and now this one that came in during the credits. The Heavy – How You Like Me Now

[Press ‘Play’ for how you like me now]

Boring Technical Crap

Written by: Rhett Reese & Paul Wernick

Directed by: Jon M. Chu

GI Joe Retaliation 10 AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze cast

Helmets with Spit Guards

Starring

Adrianne Palicki – Jaye
Elodie Yung – Jinx
Joanna Leeds – Intern
Elana Justin – Intern
Tiffany Lonsdale – British Expert
Brittney Alger – Bartender #1 (uncredited)
Dwayne Johnson – Roadblock
Jonathan Pryce – President
Byung-hun Lee – Storm Shadow
Ray Stevenson – Firefly
D.J. Cotrona – Flint
Channing Tatum – Duke

Bottom Line

Basic meat lovers pizza: a little cheesy but not totally tasteless.

Another Round

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Booze Revooze: MI: GHOST PROTOCOL

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Booze Revooze: THE EXPENDABLES

Haven’t Had Your Fill of the Booze Revooze? Click here for another round.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

The text is done and so am i. It’s late and i’ve been power putting this together to get it ready for a same-day posting so i’ll shut up now and give you the photos of the ladies and nothing else. Continue reading

Booze Revooze: SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK

Silver Linings Playbook 01 poster bar none booze revooze

From the juiced-box and not the soundtrack: The White Stripes – Fell in Love with a Girl

[Press ‘Play’ for the second best song in the movie…and not on the soundtrack]

Ramblings: Panty Linings Playbook

Final Proof: 3 Shots

3 shots

You know how you get drunk wearing a suit? Not the part when you talk too loud so that everyone within shouting distance knows how over the top you went and not the part when everyone can smell the sheen gleaming in the sick that streaks your lapels. No, there are those moments before everyone becomes your best friend and before you get so phony all your bars are full of reception, before you try too hard to be funny and to fall in love, moments when you are a little off kilter, a little skewed but still you feel a little more you than you’ve been in a while because you are sincere and honest enough to let the crazy out a crack and you accidentally become endearing. That’s what Silver Linings Playbook is like.

Silver Linings Playbook 02 poster bar none booze revooze

“I’m going to switch this envelope out for the one that says ‘Argo’.”

SLP is a romantic comedy that is neither, and all the better for it. You know me and if you don’t,  i’m the guy that came up with “dramantic comedy” or “drom-com” and go ahead, you can keep mocking me even after you steal that expression because that’s also the kind of guy i am. i hate romantic comedies more than i hate life itself and i only went to see this because it was nominated for an Oscar and plus the only thing easier in life than hating romantic comedies is mocking them and i’m all about the easy.

Imagine my surprise when i didn’t hate this movie. Why i didn’t is a whole ‘nother story—not really, it’s the whole story of this post and i didn’t hate the movie because it wasn’t a romantic comedy, it was a sexy shell with some serious drama deep down at the bottom, like panty liners hidden inside scanty panties. Also, the ending was happy in the movie just like panty liners are happy in their own way because it means she’s not pregnant, am i right?

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“You’re so hot, and not just the sweaty kind.”

Basically i got emotionally invested in the characters here and i never do that for a movie like this unless it is this. Why? Read on, Buttercup.

The best thing about this movie were the actors and you know how sometimes you don’t know what makes a good actor because you can’t really put your finger on it? Go and see SLP for a good lesson on that. Chris “Mother” Tucker takes the role of the nutso friend and drives it straight to the place you’d expect and drops it off there without taking us anywhere. Some other guy (John Ortiz) plays the BF and you watch him going, “Yeah, he’s the BF because he’s acting the way the BF is supposed to”.

But Bradley Cooper (who is the person i will sleep with right after Eliza Dushku if i go gay) and Jennifer Lawrence (who i would sleep with first no matter what) fucking nail their characters. They play crazy perfectly because they don’t “play crazy”, they play crazy people trying to act normal which is a whole hell of a lot more realistic.

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“You overpaid for your track suit, babe.”

The other good thing about this (yeah, i’ll skip the part about how De Niro finally gets his acting chops into a meatier role than he’s been served in a long time) is the director who’s some guy called David O. Russell (who also directed the fuckin’ excellent The Fighter). The cool thing about his directing is that you don’t notice it, which is what good directing is about (unless you go the other way where the directing is the best part of the movie, like Francis Ford Coppola’s Dracula or Andrew Niccol’s Lord of War).

Everything comes together in this movie and chips in to elevate it above the normal level of a rom-coma and even if that doesn’t make it Oscar worthy, it still makes it worth a viewing.

Silver Linings Playbook 05 poster bar none booze revooze

Meanwhile, at the same sex marriage gala…

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: 2½ Shots

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“No, that’s a roll of dimes I keep in my pocket.”

2 & 1-2 shotsSure, i love Jennifer Lawrence (“Tiffany” in this movie), but more importantly i like her a lot. She’s hot but she wasn’t always hot and she won’t always be hot but what she will always be is a good actress and fucking cool. For the good actress part all you have to do is watch Silver Linings Playbook to see what i mean and for the cool part check out these quotes.

Not to sound rude, but [acting] is stupid. Everybody’s like, ‘How can you remain with a level head?’ And I’m like, ‘Why would I ever get cocky? I’m not saving anybody’s life. There are doctors who save lives and firemen who run into burning buildings. I’m making movies. It’s stupid.

Or, and this is my personal favorite,

I went to the doctor today and got a chest X-ray of my lungs and discovered that my breasts are uneven! That was all I saw.

You know me (and if you don’t, my breasts are uneven too), i’m all about the investigative journalism, so let’s take a close up and personal look at this, shall we?

 Jennifer Lawrence 2013-02-06 Wallpaper Bar None Wallpaper Bar None Booze Revooze

Jennifer Lawrence Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

Like with most of the actresses, there are single shots of Jennifer in my drawers, down below. Just scroll all the way down until you hit the “Continue reading” link and then do just that.

Another wonderful actress gracing this movie is Julia Plenty of Stiles (aka “Veronica” here). i’ve liked her ever since i didn’t see her that one Heath Ledger movie (10 Things I Hate About You) but saw some Stiles stills and she was gorgeous and it was kinda like this.

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Julia Stiles Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

What else is good about SLP? Here’s the blow by blow from my notes:

  • [Glimpses of] Ex-wife (Nikki / Brea Bee) in the shower
  • Closeups of JL’s [Jennifer Lawrence’s] “necklace”, i.e. cleavage & the moles [which i’ve just realized is a great fucking name for a girl’s band]
  • Vaguely dirty talk @ restaurant: Older mature lesbian with younger girl on her lap explaining / teaching her what to do [i put this dialog down in my drawers, if you really care.]
  • JL’s bare back
  • JL’s dance costume rocked halter top

One of my favorite lines from the movie was more about sex than romance. This exchange is between Bradley Cooper’s character (Pat) and a guy taking advantage of Tiffany (Jennifer Lawrence) sexually.

Jordie
How am I being rude?

Pat
Oh, you know. You know.  Come on. Sometimes it’s  [casual sex] okay with girls like this, they wanna have fun, and sometimes it’s not okay because they got a broken wing, and they’re hurt, and they’re an easy target. And in this case, in this particular case, I think that wing is being fixed.

Silken Butterflies

i already talked about the woman naked wife in the shower in the blow by blow and her name is Brea Bee and she’s this kind of ginger hot.

Brea Bee 01  bar none booze revooze 2013-02-06

Regency Boies graced us, the screen and the film with her brief yet remarkable presence as “Regina”.

Regency Boies bar none booze revooze 2013-02-06

Also making the film a better place to be is Samantha Gelnaw, who played Jake’s Finacée.

Samantha Gelnaw bar none booze revooze 2013-02-06

For those of you more into quick passes than tight ends, there was Bradley Cooper in this.

Bradley Cooper 01 Bar None Booze Revooze

Bradley Cooper 02 Sober in the Bar None Booze Revooze

Bradley Cooper rocking the sober in the Bar None

A Smoke

Drink: 2½ Shots

2 & 1-2 shots

There was tons of drinking and drink references but it didn’t ply a serious role in the movie and that’s what 2½ shots tastes like.

Here’s the blow by blow:

PAT
Danny was in for assault because of crystal meth and alcohol.

DANNY
Bad combination.

—Pat explaining to his mother why Danny was with him in the mental hospital

  • BC (Bradley Cooper) brings wine bottle to dinner at Ronnie’s
  • Wine @ dinner
Silver Linings Playbook 07 poster bar none booze revooze

“LOL, we’re drinking expensive champagne and you sold out for a cheap ass Bud.”

Don’t drink too much, don’t hit anybody, you’ll be fine.

—Pat Sr. (Robert De Niro) giving his son advice before a football game

  • Beer @ tailgate [party]
  • JL swigs Bud after putting De Niro in his place
  • White alcohol on ice @ Xmas
  • Chris Whatsisname [Tucker] drinking Bud at formal dance recital
  • When JL is stressed she marches straight to the bar, pounds on it, and asks for a vodka. Then a guy offers her another one.
  • Champagne on the table at the dance contest

A Smoke

Rock & Roll: 2½ Shots

2 & 1-2 shots

It’s not my fault everything is 2½ shots, talk to the movie. i went 2½ here because the soundtrack has some really cool songs (two White Stripes jams, and even some Zeppelin!) but not all of the songs are on the OST, so don’t buy it without checking it out closely first.

Some guy way cooler than me over at a real blog called Indiewire put together a complete list of all the songs in the movie, not just the ones on the soundtrack.

A cool song on both, which is not necessarily rock and roll, is “Girl from the North Country” by Bob Dylan, Johnny Cash, Carl Perkins, Norman Blake, W.S. Holland & Marshall Grant.

Silver Linings Playbook 08 poster bar none booze revooze

The Waiting Room at the Wig Salon

Boring Technical Crap

Written by:

Matthew Quick (novel “The Silver Linings Playbook”)
David O. Russell (screenplay)

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The short bus just got shorter

Directed by: David O. Russell

Starring

Jennifer Lawrence – Tiffany
Jacki Weaver – Dolores
Julia Stiles – Veronica
Brea Bee – Nikki
Regency Boies – Regina
Samantha Gelnaw – Jake’s Fiancée
Bradley Cooper – Pat
Robert De Niro – Pat Sr.
Chris Tucker – Danny
Anupam Kher – Dr. Cliff Patel
John Ortiz – Ronnie

Bottom Line

Great date movie because it’s almost a great movie.

Haven’t Had Your Fill of the Booze Revooze? Click here for another round.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

It’s all over but the photos (and a quick script excerpt). Read on only if you don’t want to read on, but prefer to look instead.

Continue reading