Booze Revooze: LES MISERABLES

Les Miserables poster bar none booze revooze

From the juiced-box and the soundtrack: Eddie Redmayne, Daniel Huttlestone & Students – Drink with Me

[Press ‘Play’ for “Let the wine of friendship never run dry…”]

Ramblings: Less Miserable

Final Proof: 3 Shots

3 shotsYou know how you get drunk in a French karaoke bar? Everyone is singing in English but something’s still not quite right and you don’t know if it’s you because of how fucked up you are or because of how fucked up everyone else is in the spotlight singing strange songs strangely, songs you’ve never heard of or heard before and you start to wonder if you haven’t stumbled into French gay hell. Even weirder are all the people in the bar who are really getting into it and you don’t know how you missed the ass they’re riding in on but you’re sure as hell not getting off at the same place they are. Still, it’s fun to watch everyone from a distance because they’re cute or drunk or funny but never all 3 together unfortunately. So you were kind of dreading going but it was distracting and more than once entertaining even if that was only from laughing at the show and the whack-jobs watching it. That’s kinda what Les Misérables was like.

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The Villlager People

It’s not the film’s fault but i forgot this was a musical even if it technically isn’t but is an opera instead. Yes, this is far worse. Not just bad. Opera bad.

One of the many things i have never understood is the concept of Musicals. i’m especially curious to know what the first ever musical was. i want to know this so i can go back in time and kill the fucker who wrote it and thus perhaps save the universe from the monumental pain the opera fat ass that is Opera.

People walk around spontaneously combusting into song at the drop of a top hat? What kind of sick ass word is that? Tell you what, i see some some beach dancing in the streets, i’mma run his skippy ass down. If god wanted us to sing everything that crossed our minds, he would of made me deaf. Not just deaf. Opera deaf.

 Les Miserables 02 bar none booze revooze

Jacques in a Box

So, what was good about this other than its ending? It was funny watching Russel Crowe sing, but no so much fun hearing it. Maybe my favorite part of the film was the French history in it, and that should tell you how much i didn’t like the singing. Oh, Sacha Baron Cohen and Helena Bonham Carter were cool and their songs sucked less than everyone else’s. That’s about it.

My absolute favorite part? Other than the special movie theater i went to that had first class airplane electronic recliner chairs with a tray and waiters that delivered to your seat (i shit you totally not), my favorite part was the 15 year old i was with telling me she liked it. i was so relieved that this automatically went to 3 shots for me. Plus, she may read this one day and i told her i liked it so i don’t want to be a liar.

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My barber also does my tassles.

Speaking of underage…Isabelle Allen is only 10 so i’m going to card her cute little ID right here so that she doesn’t get mixed up with all the vulgarity to follow. She played Young Cosette but there was nothing amateur about her performance. If the crazy skilz she displayed here are any indication, her future will be as winning as her smile. And not just winning. Opera winning.

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Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex:1 Shot

Les Miserables sex 01 bar none booze revooze Anne-Hathaway

Anne Hathaway is so dirty

1 shotFirst off Anne Hathaway is beautiful and she’s in this movie and she worked hard for the Oscar nom nom. She went so far as to flash her brillo patch to raise up awarenesses under the Motion Picture Board and i know she keeps saying she feels terribly embarrassed about it but there’s no way a woman who was already smeared by the paps when she wore a see-through top [and if you’ve forgotten the glory of that precious moment, here’s a Bar None Wallpaper to jog more than your memory] would forget to wear her underwear unless she was hoping for some big publicity or at least a gentle press.

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Anyway, Hathaway did a good job playing Fantine in the movie and wants everyone to know it. Hell, don’t hide your light under a bushel, Anne. Like i won’t hide this.

Anne Hathaway 2013-01-13 Wallpaper bar none booze revooze

Anne Hathaway Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

There’ll be some single shots of her lurking in my drawers down below. Just scroll to the bottom and click on the “Continue reading” link.

Amanda Seyfried (Cosette) showed up in this movie too which is nice because it gives me an excuse to show you this.

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Amanda Seyfried Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

There’s some single shots of her as well, in my drawers down there.

Plus i really liked the final female lead Samantha Barks / Éponine because she is more normal beautiful than the famous beauties and i’m a fan of normal beauty. Here’s an example.

Samantha Barks Bar None 2013-01-13 Wallpaper Booze Revooze

Samantha Barks Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

i’ll have some more single shots of her in my drawers. Scroll down to see if Barks is worse than her bite.

Finally, Helena Bonham Carter, Her Lady of Ultimate Coolness did a great job in this movie as Madame Thénardier (to Sacha Baron Cohen’s Thénardier). i’ve already exposéd her a couple of times here and clicking on the cleavage will take you to that stack of photos.

Les Miserables sex 02 bar none booze revooze Helena-Bonham Carter downblouse

Silken Butterflies

The supremely talented Frances Ruffelle played “Whore 1″.

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Not to be outdone, Charlotte Spencer plays “Whore 3″. Lots of whoring going on in this movie with lots of not nudity. Seems the writers didn’t really grasp the whole concept of whores.

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For those of you more into Tenor 11 inches, there was Sacha Baron Cohen as Thénardier.

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Sacha Baron Cohen in the Bar None

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Sacha Baron Cohen Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

Aaron Tveit as Enjolras.

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And Eddie Redmayne as Marius.

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A Smoke

Drink: 1 Shot

1 shot

Could’ve been worse. Not that there was tons of drinking but i liked what there was, which was basically Sacha Baron Cohen and his inn and people getting drunk inn there.

Here’s the blow by blow:

  • Gave Valjean wine & bread at the church he stole from
  • Sacha Cohen wakes up with a keg, kisses it and tells it, “I love you.”
  • “Don’t let the wine go to your brain” lyric [from “Red and Black”]
  • A song called “Drink with Me” [included in the intro]

Les Miserables drink 01 bar none booze revooze Helena-Bonham Carter

A Smoke

Rock & Roll: 0 shots

Seriously, did you know most of the songs here don’t even rhyme? How fucked up is that? Just because you use a stupid singing voice when you say shit doesn’t mean you’re singing.

Check this out and read the lyrics…

Before you say another word, Javert
Before you chain me up like a slave again
Listen to me! There is something I must do.
This woman leaves behind a suffering child.
There is none but me who can intercede,
In Mercy’s name, three days are all I need.
Then I’ll return, I pledge my word.

Do you believe that bullshit? Or, as i write in my latest song:

Do you believe that bullshit.
It’s so stupid.

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All Washed Up

Boring Technical Crap

Written by:

Victor Hugo (novel)
Claude-Michel Schönberg & Alain Boublil (book)
Herbert Kretzmer (lyrics)
Alain Boublil & Jean-Marc Natel (original: French text)
James Fenton (additional text)
William Nicholson (screenplay)

Directed by: Tom Hooper

Starring

Anne Hathaway – Fantine
Amanda Seyfried – Cosette
Helena Bonham Carter – Madame Thénardier
Samantha Barks – Éponine
Isabelle Allen – Young Cosette
Frances Ruffelle – Whore 1
Charlotte Spencer – Whore 3
Hugh Jackman – Jean Valjean
Russell Crowe – Javert
Sacha Baron Cohen – Thénardier
Eddie Redmayne – Marius
Aaron Tveit – Enjolras

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“Yes! I love this fence, too!”

Bottom Line

Apart from the singing parts, though, Les Misérables was OK. Take out the songs and you got yourself a so-so movie here.

Haven’t Had Your Fill of the Booze Revooze? Click here for another round.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

I’s all over but the hotness. Keep going for the hot shots.

Continue reading

Celeb Dregs of the Week: Sept 11 – 25, 2011 (as if)

Click on the Shot for the Wallpaper

Because there is a God and he wanted Rosie Huntington-Whiteley drunk.

From the Juiced-box and dedicated to all these Dreggers: Asteria – Live Life to the Less

Celebrity Dregs: Things That Make You Go Hurl

September 14: i Love This Every Time i Make Myself  Think About It

The Bar None’s resident Bar Nun made the news again this week for shit that even i in my infinite Shitness have a hard time wrapping my brain around. Like one of those beer belches that turns out to be a barf so voluminous you can’t keep it in your mouth or swallow it back down so it spills forth from you in a reluctant flood down the front of your shirt and into a puddle on your lap, so was the way with all the drunken news about Lindsay Lohan that came out recently.

Starting with the normal abnormalities, Her Ho-ness went to a party for a magazine called V Magazine. What does “V” stand for? Why do you think they invited Lindsay…

At this party, Gin-dsay got drunk, as is her want, and threw a drink at a guy named Jasper because there are still parents out there somewhere in this wide and wonderful world of ours that think naming kids things like Jasper is a good idea. The reason she threw her drink at Jasper was not because he was a professional photographer for V Magazine, which he is, but because he was doing his job and took a picture of her. In public. At a party. For the magazine hosting the party she was getting drunk at.

Then, miscellaneously, some random person started bleeding at Linds’ table and had to be carried away by the Fire Department.

Oh yeah, and Lindsay’s mom, the Mohan (or “Mo-Fo-Han”, i still haven’t made up my mind) was there and drunk too.

September 15 (yes, the next day): “Here’s a Birthday Kiss. No tongue this time, Mom.”

Hold on, i’m gonna stop you right there before you start making all kinds of lesbian incest MILF jokes because this isn’t the kind of blog where we joke about that kind of thing.

This is the kind of blog where we post picutres about that kind of thing.

Seriously, how do you write about this? i swear to god i have no idea which end of this thing to grab and jerk on first. That a drunken, 25-year-old starlette is making out with her 49-year-old MIKOLTFOADIIWD (Mother I’d Kind Of Like To Fuck On A Dare If I Was Drunk) is news enough, but that it’s the Bar Nun! And her fucking Mother!

If i made life up it’d look a lot like this. Then you’d tell me i was sick and unrealistic.

And that doesn’t even include the Drawer Shots “down there”. Keep scrolling if you don’t believe me.

September 15: The Bar Niña

You know how i know California is the land of MILF and Honey? Because they got quantities of booze there that would morally bankrupt most hedonistic states. Not only did the city of Los Angeles contain sufficient volumes of booze to get Mommy and Little Lohan into some girl-on-girl (granted it proably took a lot less than they drank, but still) but also had enough left over to intoxicate Paz de la Huerta.

SPaz Dispenser showed up at a cat call for Boardwalk Empire and her (dis)appearance tempted HBO to retitle the show Bored-Stagger Empire. Here’s some shots for y’all to pour over.

Click on the Shot for the Wallpaper

Plus i got way more photos of Paz de la Hurla down in my drawers. Keep scrolling, babes.

September 23: “I know I’m drunk, but what am I?”

Before

After

Kim Delaney, the lovely 49-year-old actress (hey, like Dina Lohan!) i first fell in like with during NYPD Blue balls but fell in love with when she had a cameo in drunk driving court is now in Army Wives, which, it turns out, is not lesbian porn but a real TV show. The word “army” in the title automatically qualified Kim as a speaker at an event honoring U.S. Secretary of Defense Robert Gates, so in a surprise tribute to how fucked up the miliatry is, she arrived onstage fucked up.

After slurring together a string of words that don’t belong together, her speech was cut short by loud voices and an intern who couldn’t find a shepherds crook so ran on stage to drag Kim off.

Bar None's artist hallucination of Kim

Just in case you don’t know why i fell like a drunk man walking on a fence beam over a pig styinto love with her, here’s a wallpaper. Plus there’s some scrappy shots sliding around in my drawers.

Click on the Shot for the Wallpaper

August 18: Depardieu Goes Oui-Oui on the Plane

Mythical French guy Gérard PépéLePew got super drunk on a plane that was going to fly to Dublin probably because he drank all the alcohol that was already in France and needed to drink another continent dry. But yellow journalists relieved themselves by leaking the story that while he was in continent he screamed out “I Need To Peace!” but no one let him because they probably didn’t understand that “Peace” is French for “Piss”.

But, despite the fact i just made these details up, no one let him pee so he stood up and peed in the aisle.  As in “Aisle be going now. Right here.” Of course the flight was cancelled. With all of the alcohol content in his urine, the pilot was worried about internal combustion or some shit so the flight was grounded like that time in high school i came home drunk and my Mom and Dad were still up.

Anyway, here’s in case you wanted a wallpaper of this mess.

September 21: Everyone Is Coming Up, Rosie

There’s a bar called The Box in a city called London. Not every place can be called Yeaman and have The Bar None, but here’s something that should put that other club and that London Town on the map: High model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley got drunk there. Come to the Bar None, Rosie! My box is always wide open for you.

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley thinking outside The Box

i got some big ol’ Rosie shots filling my drawers, as well.

Bar None Dregs

TheBarNone.me

Go ahead, click on that link. i dare you. See!? The Bar None is now my private domain, literally. This way it’s tons easier to tell your friends all about this place so they can come by. Watch this, “Hey, check out ‘The Bar None dot Me’.” See how easy?

The Bar None

In my desire to take over the entire World Wide Web until the internet is known as TheBarNoneNet, i’ve set up a Facebook page for The Bar None. Please go there. Please Like me. Please tell your friends to Like me. The Rod is getting so lonesome.

Al K Hall, Plus 1

Will you be my +1? i have my own Google Plus page now, as well. If you want to be in my inner circle, just go here and add me all over the place.

Thank You For Patronizing Me

Gornoblonde is The Bar None’s latest patronizer! Thanks for the subscription, babe! Next time you stop by, leave a comment so i can welcome you properly.

And if you too want to be as famous as Gornoblonde and have your name seen by a daily average of 3500 people, all you gotta do is click the “Serve Me Up” button over there on the upper right.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

Lindsay Lohan (25)

Paz de la Huerta (27)

Kim Delaney (49)

From a 2002 DUI Arrest

Bonus Oktoberfest Shots

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.

Dregs Of The Weeks: April 06 – April 19, 2010

Man, the crap i got that’s sunk all the way to the bottom of the dregs… Like i got homemade cheerleader pee-na coladas, a loser who puts up his pukes, a drunk just horsing around, an underage blonde partying in a cop car, the end of free beer at work, beer that’s stronger than vodka, Paris Hilton getting carded, a Playmate who failed the bunny test, Pamela Anderson so drunk her boobs leak, a Kiefer Sutherland striptease and oh so much freaking more…

From the juiced-box and dedicated to Brother Ken who threw a lot of dregs my way this week as well as hookin’ me up with something Kink-y: The Kinks – Have Another Drink

[Press ‘Play’ for one on the brothers Davies.]

April 16: Taking “Stomach Sneeze” To A Whole New Level

[AlKHallism: To see the definition of “stomach sneeze” and all the other words i made up for y’all, check out AlKHall-hics: A Glossary.]

Here’s a story that’ll leave a bad taste in your mouth. Matthew Clemmens (21) and a bud went to a Phillies game and got super drunk. “Super drunk” in Philadelphia being synonymous with “super obnoxious”, the pair decided to curse and spit like cheap whores on $5 Blow Job Night. Unfortunately, right in front of them was an off-duty police Captain with his 11-year-old daughter who took unkindly to this so he notified security, who did the security guy thing by escorting Clemmens’ bud from the park. In a sickening display of guts, Clemmens stuck two fingers down his throat, leaned over and proceeded to puke all over the Cap’n and his little girl. When the police came to arrest Matt-spew, he did a replay and barfed on another cop. Turns your stomach, don’t it?

April 13: Horseman of the Apocalsip

Who knew that Mule Day in Tennessee could go so wrong? i freaking did, that’s who. Mule Day? In Tennessee? Come on! A prefect opportunity for someone to make an ass of himself. Which is exactly what Troy Michael Hall (32) did. Seems Hall-Ass was already riding high on his horse (what!? a horse on Mule Day!? is nothing sacred!?) and pulled the beast over into a crowd of people to see if he couldn’t score a beer. He dismounted but couldn’t get up again (happens to the best of us, especially when the little filly’s asking to be mounted a second time), and instead he spooked the horse which proceeded to trample a bystander. Hall Mental-sipsses got busted for 2 counts of reckless endangerment and one count of public drunkenness—but his ass got off scotch free. [Oh give me a break, it’s in honor of Mule Day for chrissake.]

April 8: No More Free Beer At Work = Not Working

How many times have people asked me, “Al, what do you want to be if you grow up?” Zero, actually, but if anyone ever did, i’d say, “Why, i want to work at the Carlsberg brewery.” Well, maybe i used to wanna say that but not anymore. See, Carlsberg used to have a refrigerator stocked with free beer and non-essentials like water and soda. Employees, including the drivers, had the right to all the beer they wanted at lunch and three others during the day. Until management screwed the people again by removing the free beer from the fridge and only offering it up during lunch. The strike has been ongoing since April 7. Here’s a wallpaper of Danish girls who aren’t on a thirst strike, the dirty scabs:

Click On The Shot For Wallpaper Size

To show your support of striking Carlsberg workers, drink a Steel Reserve.

April 7: But Officer, I Haven’t Finished Yet

Who do you wanna party with? You wanna party with Tasha Lee Cantrell and all of her 19-year-old Floridian self. She was pulled over and arrested for DUI and, ’cause her car got towed, she asked the cop if he could give her a ride home. Nice guy that he was, he obliged, until he looked at his back seat cop camera screen and saw this:

Click On The Shot For TSG Videos Of Tasha And Her Steel Reserve

So instead of giving the damsel in this dress a lift home, the cop took her to the pokey and busted her for underage drinking. My question is this: If the cop busted her for DUI to begin with, why didn’t he get her for underage drinking then? Anyway, Tasha, you out there? i wanna party with you (if Miss D says it’s OK).

April 16: Previews Of Coming Distractions

Speaking of girls who like to drink, Laura Hall, this 20-year-old Welsh chick, has been banned from every bar in Wales and England for two years because of her drunken antics. i, Al K Hall, your Functional Alcoholic Slurpreson will dedicate an entire blog to this Super Girl later. Stay Tuned…

Laura? If you can't drink in the UK, come to Yeman! i'll hook you up.

April 15: And You Thought i Liked The Dregs

Think George Costanza eating a pastry off the top of the trash… The story goes something like this. Scheppers Distributing Co couldn’t unload 1500 cases of Budweiser and Michelob Ultra. Like that’s a big surprise. So the beer goes past it’s expiration date (it can taste worse? as if…) and Scheppers destroys 800 cases and dumps the other 700 in a landfill. Some city employees (why yes! this did take place in Missouri! what was your first clue?) decided to take a city pickup to the dump and drive off with 50 cases. City officials don’t know what happened to the beer (apparently no one told them they were in Missouri) but an anonymous caller tipped off The Man, who reviewed dump tapes and caught the guys. One dude quit, the other is facing disciplinary action—which pro’lly means he hasta drink the shit he stole.

Babes, if you’re gonna waste your life on beer, the beer should at least be stronger than whiskey…

February 16: Finally! 82 Proof Beer

A Scottish Brewery called Brew Dog has done the impossible. By conserving an India Pale Ale for over 20 days at -6°C (21°F), Brew Dog was able to come up with Sink the Bismark, an ale that has 41% alcohol. This is now, officially, the strongest beer ever in the history of the entire universe. (You can order it at their website for £40 / $60.)

If you have a chance to poke around their website, you’ll find a Trashy Blonde (a 4.1% alcohol pale ale). Here’s how the Brew Dogs describe it:

You really should just leave it alone…
…but you just cant get the compulsive malt body and gorgeous dirty blonde colour out of your head. The seductive lure of the sassy passion fruit hop proves too much to resist. All that is even before we get onto the fact that there are no additives preservatives, pasteurization or strings attached.
All wrapped up with the customary Brewdog bite and imaginative twist. This trashy blonde is going to get you into a lot of trouble.

Ahhh, makes you want to live in Scotland, don’t it?

April 11: Real Friends Get Busted For DUI. Together. In The Same Car.

‘Cause in Reno that’s the way they (kinda) roll. Some guy driving along sees an SUV going all over the place so he calls the cops. Just before the cops arrive, the squealer sees the passenger drag the driver out of the car and into shotgun before taking the driver’s seat himself. So the cops still pull the car over and it turns out the new driver is drunk, too. Both get busted for DUI.

They better pray they get Maryland Judge Edwin Collier.

April 12: If At First You Don’t Convict, Re-try Again

Remember 1998? Of course not. i don’t either. Like we got nothing better to do than remember 1998. Stupid question. Another cat who pro’lly doesn’t remember 1998 is Rene E Fernandez. He got popped for a DUI in ’98, twice in three months. Edwin Collier, the judge who tried him the second time, let him off with a warning. Well, couple weeks back the retired judge got hit in his Honda Accord. By a drunk driver. Named Rene E Fernandez.

April 9: Drunk In The Cooler

This 42-year-old in Vermont drove himself to prison for a 2-day sentence for drunk driving. Only problem was, prison officials noticed he was drunk when he got there. So they called the cops who arrested him for drunk driving. He ended up in prison anyway but he’ll have to pay the judge another visit for the new charge. Swear to god, sometimes i think life is one giant Simpsons episode.

April 07: Who’s Been Sleeping In My Bed?

Stuart Wilkinson (20) got drunk in Colorado (Boulder, for those of you who know). He ended up going back with a buddy to the buddy’s place. A little later, the police got a call from a woman who’d freaked because a naked stranger had crawled into her bed. Turns out Wilkinson chose to sleep in his buddy’s roommate’s bed, and if she was a she and he was drunk, you gotta see where he was coming from. Anyway, the police arrived and Stewed-art pulled the sheets over his head and refused to get out of bed until the cops threatened to tase him. He was busted only for suspicion of underage drinking and obstructing a peace officer because the chick didn’t want to press charges.

Speaking of generous chicks…

April 9: Urine For A Treat

Does this drink taste funny or is it just you? In a sophomoric (literally) prank, at least 2 high school cheerleaders in Saginaw, Texas pee’d in a cup, added some cola and passed out the drinks to their teammates. When asked about the funny taste, they explained they added “sour candy” to it (is anyone other than me thinking “cherry”?)? Talk about your “pee-in colada”…

While obviously not high school cheerleaders, here’s a wallpaper of drunken cheerleaders for you.

Click On The Shot For Wallpaper Size

Yeman Dregs:

To wrap up the commoner dregs, i got an anti-smoking poster that was forbidden by the government here in Yeman. See if you can find what bugged the censors, i sure as hell didn’t see anything wrong with it…

Celebrity Dregs

April 19: Paris Hilton Looks Underage

The last guy on the planet lucky enough not to know who Paris Hilton is (i can’t take credit for that shot, TMZ served it up originally) was also the guy checking IDs at something called Coachella Fest. Here’s a picture of him verifying Paris is of age.

This is as good an excuse as any to exposé Paris Hilton. For example, here’s Paris flirting… with Nicky, her sister.

Click On The Shot For Wallpaper Size

There are tons more shots and wallpapers at the bottom of this post, down in my drawers.

April 16: Playboy Bunny Gets Run Down For DUI

Proof that to be in Playboy you don’t need to be sexy, you just need to have big fake boobs… This former Playmate was on her way to judge a Nude Beauty Pageant (this is now what i want to be if i grow up) in Miami when police stopped her because she was too fast and curvaceous (i’m talking about her driving here, peeps).  She blew 0.102% on the Rabbit Test and was released on $1000 bail.

That said, here’s some animal research my Mate knows how to Play:

Click On The Shot For Wallpaper Size

Scroll down to the end of this post to find more shots of her in my drawers.

April 10: Non News

Some guy named Andy Dick got thrown out of a winery for being drunk.

The real reason i posted this is because it provides a nice intro into a much cooler guy getting kicked out of a much cooler place for doing much cooler things…

April 16: Suther-Comfort—uh—Land

If Kiefer Sutherland isn’t the Patron Deity of the Bar None, he is certainly one of our highest Patronizer Saints. If he keeps things up, he just may dethrone David Hasselhoff.

i stole the picture from D-Listed, who’s more honest than i am ’cause they admitted the shot wasn’t from the night i’mma tell you all about.

Kiefer met up with a buddy in London and polished off a couple bottles of wine. At around 2am, they head to a strip club called Stringfellows, current record holder for “Least Erotic Strip Club Name Ever”. Apparently the women there were just as exciting ’cause Kief himself got naked and more outta hand the Heidi Montag’s new boobs. Onlookers in the club described him as “absolutely screamingly paralytic”—which apparently means he was everything but paralytic (what do you expect from a nation that drives on the wrong side of the road?). He was tossed at about 3:30am and security (the tossers) had to throw him in his car a bunch of times because he crept crawling out. Finally, at around 4am, after moping like a $10 dollar whore on Dollar Night, he stumbled into the street and back to the hotel.

Interested in seeing what it looked like for real? You knew you could count on me, dincha…

April 16: The Pope Shits In The Woods

And in other shocking news, Amy Winehouse got drunk. Interesting enough it was on the same night and in the same city as Kiefer. Good thing it wasn’t together, because two wrongs don’t make it right. Wine-Ho got loaded at London’s May Fair Hotel and left at 4am, though the odor still lingers… Yeah, you should pro’lly just click on the link and read the D-Listed story, it’s tons funnier than this, yo.

April 6: Pamela Anderson Drinks So Much Her Boobs Leak

Speaking of women i wouldn’t do under any circumstances, Pamela Anderson got so drunk at Guys And Dolls that the booze started leaking from her tits. i know you don’t believe me and that doctors the world over are screaming that it’s medically impossible, but pictures don’t lie, babes.

Here’s more proof, in case you were doubtin’ on me, that her chest sacks are really canteens filled with booze that she drinks from like a camel in the middle of the desert her life has become:

Click On The Shot For Wallpaper Size

There’ll be just a couple shots of her lingering like an aftertaste in my drawers down below.

The Bar None Dregs

Let me kick this section off with a salute to Horace Dumpty, who i’m pretty sure is English and will no doubt be pissed off at my joke up there about how they do everything backwards, and Kiki Demeanor (they wouldn’t let her use “Miss Demeanor”) who are my newest friends on Facebook. Welcome to my nightmare, kids. Just a note, i take on all comers, so don’t hesitate to friend me.

Those of you who do friend me will have access to a Boris Yeltsinner video of him drunk as hell, thanks to Ingar, my Norwegian Wood.

As long as i’m throwing out the lauds, i got some left to give up for Ken / Wayne Buchanan (on my Facebook). Thanks, Brother, for slinging so many of these dregs my way. For the rest of you friends, don’t hesitate to post links to any Dregs-worthy news items you throw up on in your day to day. i’ll use them here and give you a shout out.

And speaking of shout outs: Rodney from way down under and master film reviewer at Fernby Films (go on, click on the link to show the brother some love) has gone one step further than referencing me in his sidebar by adding a banner to the bottom of the reviews both he and i have in common.

Click On The Shot To Check Out His Review And See My Banner In Action

Stylish, ain’t it? Thanks for the love, brother!

Speaking of love, i’m here to humbly thank all the faithful readers who have come here to drool over pictures of chicks. Just so you know, Joss Stone is the new Kate Beckinsale. What i mean by this is my hits have been steadily increasing this week—i broke 2,000 total page reads twice in one week for the first time ever and today my homepage (it wasn’t all about the chicks after all) registered more than 1,000 (1,238 as of this writing) page reads all on its own.

What i really mean is that i’m toasting those of you who are reading this right here, right now. Thanks for patronizing me; i couldn’t do it without you, quite literally. The Bar None VIPs are those who come here for the words as well as the shots, so thanks for having my back, peeps.

On a more somber note, my Mom is coming tomorrow and you know what that means. i’m gonna spend one week drinking with her so i won’t have time to post much of anything for a while. i’ll keep you posted as best i can, but i’m counting on you not to find another Bar to hang out in while i’m away. Hell, i’ll give you the keys, feel free to stay as long as you want and say what you feel.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

No more multisyllabic (see?) words you gotta look up to understand what i’m on about. The rest of this post are shots for the eyes exclusively. i won’t be offended if you decide to stop here, babes.

Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton BooB Check---Click On The Shot For A Wallpaper

Yep, They're Still Here!

Paris Hilton In The Bar None

Megan Hauserman

Pamela Anderson

Celebrity Dregs Of The Week Dec 14-20 (or something)

The Only Blog That'll Get You Buzzing Like A Simpson

From the juiced-box and deep in the dregs: Rod Stewart (with Jeff Beck) – I’ve Been Drinking

[Press ‘Play’ to get the Juice flowing]

More Ashley later on, but first:

Dec 15: Lindsay Catches A Break

Several firsts in this story. Well, ok, 2 firsts. First first Lindsay caught something other than an STD. Second first, she caught a break in court. Even if she couldn’t be bothered to attend the hearing, the judge believed Lindsay was keeping up with her DUI probation from forever ago, back when this blog was being ignored on Myspace and not WordPress. Yeah, that long. Anyway, the judge set a termination date for her alcohol education class: July 15, 2010. i don’t even see why she needs this class—if anyone knows about the booze, it’s Sindsay.


Lindsay Getting It At The Bar None

Dec 15: It Keeps Getting Harder For Tiger’s Wood

There are so many mistresses now it’s like a Bill Clinton Oral Room Reunion. i can’t even be bothered to keep track anymore so the very complete list behind the link in the title for this article is the best you’re gonna do. What i will do is serve shots of the girls i left out of my Tiger Woody post. i’m tellin’ y’all, when the sand settles you’re gonna see i was right about the alcohol-Wood conneXion.

First up, Joslyn James. She’s a porn actress, so the booze tie-in should be pretty clear. Also, at 39, she’s way younger than i am but looks Dogs years older. You gotta be drunk to hit this with your wood:

Our next contestant is a model with two names. Her real name (Loredana Ferilio) and her adult modelling name, Loredana Jolie. Guess whose shots i’m delivering:

The next contestant is a chick with a mystery occupation. Looking at this shot, i’m convinced that whatever it is, it’s booze related. i give you Theresa Rogers:

Finally, if you go back to my previous Tiger Woody post (i’ll link it again here ’cause i know how lazy you get), you’ll notice i singled out the Blue Martini, a bar where Wood hung out. ‘Member how i was talking about the alcohol-Wood conneXion? Well, Julie Postle was a cocktail waitress at the very same bar.

If that proof still isn’t strong enough for you, TMZ posted a series of shots of a Postle drinking it up. Here’s a collage:

Dec 16: Rod Stewart Meets A Chick From The Bar None

And you thought i was bad. i may be bad, but i’d never screech like the probably drunk babe on the video TMZ has. Ok, probably never screech like that. Again, anyway. And not at Rod Stewart. Maybe Kristen Stewart…

Dec 18: Jessica Simpson Tries To Get Behind Some Bars

Mary Philips, Jessica Simpson’s makeup ‘artist’ (like painting someone’s face with rouge and lipstick and eye shadow and all that other crap is as artistic as that one painting of dogs playing poker), was arrested for public drunkenness. While i was trying to figure out how the cops could tell her apart from all the other people in West Hollywood, The Simp went to the pokey to bail her friend out. You’re gonna love this: The friend was still so drunk when The Simpson got there that they wouldn’t release her! i’ve got several calls in to party with Mary. Hopefully i’ll be able to hook up with her and Michelle Rodriguez. While i’m sitting here holding my breath, i might as well throw up some shots:

Come, come. Now! You knew i wouldn’t leave you without the pissed pups playing poker painting: