Tag Archives: xxxmas

December 25, 2012

A Bar None Christmas Special Education

By Al K Hall

Christmas Bar None Used 01

So far there are 1,802 of y’all who’ve strolled into the Bar None to pass some time on Christmas, and you can add one more to that number because i’m here with you, to thank you for spending some of your time on this day of all days to share with us. Whatever your age, sexy, race, religion, hell, whatever your reason i’m proud that you came by, and i thank you for patronizing me.

From the juiced-box: Corey Taylor – X-M@$

[Press 'Play' for "If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas"]

How do we celebrate X-mAss in the Bar None? Like everywhere else in the world, only better.

1. We drink a tree

Bar None Christmas Tree Bar None Dregs

Yule Get Drunk

2. We go nativity

Christmas Bar None Used 02 Nativity

God said, “Let there be Lite.”

3. We get the family Christmas carded

Christmas Bar None Used 03 Christmas Card

Mom likes “Do You Hear What I Fear?” Carol prefers “Fuck the Halls”

4. We go bar shopping

Christmas Bar None Used 04 Shop

“I’ll take a family-sized buzz, please.”

5. We give the gifts that keep giving up

Christmas Bar None Used 05 Open Presents

Grandma Liks Baking

6. We try to survive the day after

Christmas Bar None Used 06 Day After

What A Pisser

7. We bring the Big Man

We also get a visit from Santa Claus, but in the Bar None it’s better because we get more than one.

Christmas Bar None Santa 01

‘Twas The Nightmare Of Christmas

Christmas Bar None Santa 02

After A Night Out With The Tooth Fairy

Christmas Bar None Santa 03

Beard Goggles

Christmas Bar None Santa 04

Yo! Ho Ho

Want more holiday spirits? Click here for Posts of Christmas Past

Wait, before you go, wanna see me put the ‘X’ in ‘X-mas’? Click below the belt to get into my drawers because, unlike Christmas, you can come more than once a year.

Santa Belt Bar None Dregs

Bar None Drawers

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2 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | posted in Alcohol, D.R.I.N.K.E.R., Drinking, Functional Alcoholics Slurperson (FASe), Humor

December 24, 2012

10 Drunk Xmas Gifts (A Top 10 Lips) [A Lazy Ass Repost]

By Al K Hall

Christmas is upon us like a drunken stripper on Ecstasy and, just like that North Pole dancer, Xmas is a bitch we have to buy presents for before she fucks us over and so the day after we wake up poor, hungover, and alone.

“Better to Give than Receive” my ass. The only thing that’s better to give than receive is herpes, so here’s a list of last minute ideas for the drunkard in your life so you can get this gift shit out of your way and get back to the business of serious partying.

And, just like that Christmas Whore, there’s a bonus at the bottom for y’all.

What Do You Get Someone Who Has Drunk Everything?

1a. Toys for Boys

Hey, Don’t Blame His Taste, Blame Yours

1b. Toys for Chicks

Redneck Barbie

2. Toys for Neither

Bored Games

Not So Bored Games

3. For the Makers Marksmen

The Shot Gun

4. For the Festive Drinker

Reinbeer

5. For Those with a Green Tongue

The Booze Tree

6. Drunk Test #1

Pretty Wasted or Ugly Bottom?

Drunk Test #2

When You’re Lap Is Wet, You’re Drunk

7. For the Impractical Joker

Father Pissmas

8. For the Fashion Unconscious

Does Not Come In Small

9. For Daniels, Jack Daniels: The Spy Who Drunk Me

The Beer-ed: Real Subtle

The Beer Belly (or The Pregnant Man)

Check Out Her Jugs

10. This. No one has ever had anything like this. How can you criticize something that doesn’t exist?

And here’s my present from me to you. A Christmas Gif

North Pole Dancer

2 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | posted in Alcohol, D.R.I.N.K.E.R., Drinking, Functional Alcoholics Slurperson (FASe), Humor, Top 10 Lips

December 18, 2011

10 Drunk Xmas Gifts (A Top 10 Lips)

By Al K Hall

Christmas is upon us like a drunken stripper on Ecstasy and, just like that North Pole dancer, Xmas is a bitch we have to buy presents for before she fucks us over and so the day after we wake up poor, hungover, and alone.

“Better to Give than Receive” my ass. The only thing that’s better to give than receive is herpes, so here’s a list of last minute ideas for the drunkard in your life so you can get this gift shit out of your way and get back to the business of serious partying.

And, just like that Christmas Whore, there’s a bonus at the bottom for y’all.

What Do You Get Someone Who Has Drunk Everything?

1a. Toys for Boys

Hey, Don't Blame His Taste, Blame Yours

1b. Toys for Chicks

Redneck Barbie

2. Toys for Neither

Bored Games

Not So Bored Games

3. For the Makers Marksmen

The Shot Gun

4. For the Festive Drinker

Reinbeer

5. For Those with a Green Tongue

The Booze Tree

6. Drunk Test #1

Pretty Wasted or Ugly Bottom?

Drunk Test #2

When You're Lap Is Wet, You're Drunk

7. For the Impractical Joker

Father Pissmas

8. For the Fashion Unconscious

Does Not Come In Small

9. For Daniels, Jack Daniels: The Spy Who Drunk Me

The Beer-ed: Real Subtle

The Beer Belly (or The Pregnant Man)

Check Out Her Jugs

10. This. No one has ever had anything like this. How can you criticize something that doesn’t exist?

And here’s my present from me to you. A Christmas Gif

North Pole Dancer

6 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | posted in Alcohol, D.R.I.N.K.E.R., Drinking, Functional Alcoholics Slurperson (FASe), Humor, Top 10 Lips

December 25, 2010

XXX-Mas

By Al K Hall

Our Tree Here in the Bar None

[AlKHallism: Special shout-out to Wayne who provided the above tree this year.]

It is now about 5pm Yeaman time and so far 505 people have staggered into the Bar None. As your tender bartender i just wanted to pop in to remind y’all that the Bar None is open 24/7, 365 days a year because fun does not take a day off so why the hell should i?

Before we get to the good shit, i got this new to the juiced-box for this holiday season: Jimmy Fallon - I’m Gonna Get Drunk Drunk Drunk on Christmas

[Press 'Play' for a holiday cheer]

i also wanted to thank each and every one of you personally for taking the time to make me a part of your day today*. And to show you my gratitude, i come as a very bad santa, full of Christmas Spirits and bearing gifts. Unlike the fatter guy in the red suit, i don’t give a shit if you’ve been naughty or nice (though i do have a slight preference for those of you who are naughty)—everyone gets swag here.

Naughty...

...and Very Nice

If you remember my similar Thank You for Coming On XXXMas [that's what she said] post from last year, then you already know what you’re getting because it’s the exact same thing but at least it’s different.

For example,  i have the wine label wallpaper like last year, but this year it’s much more complete.

To make this image your desktop wallpaper:

  1. Right click on the image
  2. Move cursor to “Set as background”

For the single handed porn surfers, (because i feel you, too, but not that way)  i have this for you:

Instructions same as above.

New to my sack this year, i have something for those of you who are more into candy canes than Holly bushes:

No patronizer left behind.

That’s all for today, my rain-dears. Again, i’m proud that, for whatever reason, you decided to stop in today of all days. And if you dropped by because you were feeling a little lonely or blue, i hope we were able to brighten your spirits a wee dram. Maybe you could scribble a note in the comments section to let others know they aren’t alone, too?

Take care of yourselves and each other. And, more than ever, thank you for patronizing me,

Al K Hall

Functional Alcoholic Slurperson

* Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank You

16 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , | posted in Alcohol, Humor

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