Wasting Away Again

Like i put in my Twitter…

A six pack from 5:30-6:30pm. A double whiskey in a plastic cup. A single whiskey in the same cup while walking to the subway. A bottle of Smirnoff ice since i’ve been back and i cracked open the second bottle.

There’s not a lot left in me for this blog.

But i promised myself i’d write a blog a day and so i’m keeping that promise to myself. Sometimes all we drinkers have is a tiny buoy in the middle of the ocean and for me now, this blog is that buoy.

So here i am tonight. Hanging on for dear life.

Open Call for Can-idates

Al K Hall Is Our FASeDo you drink your daily quantity of piss in beer?

Can you maintain a long term relationship (with someone whose name is not Jack Daniels or Jim Beam)?.

Do you still have a job?

If you can function as an alcoholic and have something to say, postulate your can-idacy for Functioning Alcoholic Slurperson (FASe).

Open Elections (it’s like an Open Bar without the booze) will be held in September 2009.

To be a can-idate–or to nominate one–simply post the can-idacy as a comment to this blog.

Paid for by Partakers in Al K Hall: The FASe of Our Generation

Paid for by Partakers in Al K Hall: The FASe of Our Generation

Currently Drinking: Cabernet Sauvignon red; i just polished off the bottle. Oh yeah, i did have that bottle and a half of table wine at lunch.

1Hangover Forecast: i wish i could feel as good tomorrow a i do right now, but i’m gonna have to pay the price for feeling this good/being this numb.

It’s Official: Functional Alcoholics Spokesperson (FASe)

Putting the 'Functional' back in 'Alcoholism'

Al K Hall: Putting the 'Functional' back in front of 'Alcoholism'

Let me be the FASe of our generation.

It’s official…

i, Al K Hall, am hereby throwing up my hat into the ring and nominating myself as Can-idate for the International Functional Alcoholics Slurperson!

This here’s one seat that’s been left vacant far too damn long. i googled ‘Functional Alcoholic Spokesperson’ and discovered the position doesn’t even exist! How can that be!? Alcoholics Anonymous has Anonymous ones, Mothers Against Drunk Drivers has Mad ones and the Bureau of Alcohol, Firearms & Tobacco has, uhm, well, other ones. So who’s standing up for us? Who’s got our backs?

i do, dammit, and i’m willing to put my glass where my mouth is.

Besides, no one but me has assumed the position.

A SmokeCurrently Drinking: Had a bottle of wine after work, now i’m on water.

60Hangover Forecast: Mostly sunny. i’m swigging water now and it’s only 9:30pm. Tomorrow, without trouble, i should be good to go.

Man At Work

Man At Work

Man At Work

A Smoke
Currently Drinking: Water. (i had a bottle of Bourdeaux at lunch but quit after that ’cause i have the kids tonight.)

Clear SunnyHangover Forecast: Clear skies, as i quit earlier in the day and resisted the temptation to make a run before dinner.

Booze Nooze: Drunk Driver Sleeps It Off on Police Post Lawn


Ok, i made up that last bit about the commendation…

A Smoke

Here’s the guy’s mugshot. Love how you can still see chunks on his chin.

Todd Olin Mug Shot

But Seriously, Folks…

This always happens to me…

i start off writing a scathingly witty post about a guy who makes me feel better about myself for not being him, and then i make the mistake of researching the story. Never fails, the more i learn about the individual, the more compassion i feel for him.

Here’s The Rest of the Story (culled from this page)…

The guy’s seven dwi arrests span 23 years, beginning in ’86.

He’s married and a father of two.

He has a job and is respected by his employees. One of them commented, “We’re not doing good at all. Todd’s one of the most intelligent, thoughtful people I’ve met and worked with in my 30 years as a civil engineer. Unfortunately, he has an alcohol problem. It’s not anything we see here at work, but everybody was aware of his past. The part of him that I see is always professional.”

In the ‘Comments’ section of the Grand Rapids link i posted above, someone wrote:

This man most definitely has friends, I have been one of them for many years. He is intelligent and successful despite many obstacles. For two years I was his business partner and wouldn’t have chosen another person to go into business with. I had the utmost faith in his professional abilities despite my knowledge of his past. Together we started the company, he made it a successful and lucrative business. It is truly unfortunate that he has a DISEASE called alcoholism.

I feel for his family. They are truly good people….

This is, as I said a disease, and drinking is not something he does for fun, but to feed an addiction. He has a chemical imbalance in his brain which haunts him every day of his life with a need to drink. His family and friends gave him as much support as they possibly could, but alcoholism is like the monster in the closet. It wants to come out and it is a lifelong struggle to keep it at bay.

Don’t get me wrong, i’m not trying to excuse the guy.  We (mal)functioning alcoholics have choices to make, just like the rest of you, and getting behind the wheel after a binge is the worst decision a drinker could make. Alcoholism is a disease, drunk driving isn’t.

i just wanted to point out what a wuss i am, feeling for these people i’m s’posed to be mocking.

A Smoke

Currently Drinking: Coffee, actually, though i may go out and get something later today. UPDATE (4:15pm): Made the move and am drinking Yin-Yang. [Check out description here at Drinks AlKHall-bum.]

8Hangover Forecast: i have no idea what this picture is supposed to represent, which is exactly why i chose it. Everything hangs on if i decide to buy something and what i choose should i choose to go to the store.

The Reasons i Drink: #2 Drowning Potential

Drowning in Alcohol

Drowning in Alcohol

Great people reside inside me. Too many of them.

i’m trying to drown them all.

Drowning Angel

There’s the nobel prize winning author who’s sold more books than the bible and has been translated into languages that don’t even exist yet.

Drowning Pirate

There’s the romantic in gleaming armor who makes the Angels swoon and leaves broken hearted damsels weeping on their knees along the path he has passed.

Drowning Boy

There’s the grinning little buck toothed boy with apple pie-in-the-sky eyes who’s so sincere terrorists drop their weapons before him and immediately commence loving their neighbors.

Then there is the creative dad, the carefree lad, the helpful soul, the joyous fool, the intellectual who knows too much and the rebel, sensitive yet tough. The world’s best lover, your favorite brother, the pony prancer and prayer answerer, the happy one and the good son all rolled into one.

So many people so very different with only one thing in common: they are not me.

They are who i could be, my possibilities–me, potentially.

The problem is, i could never live up to them, let alone their potential. Trying would be a fool’s quest that would finish with me worse off than i’d been before.

The happy news is i’ve found a way to quench their constant cries for freedom, to quell their endless up-risings, to appease their petty pleas for release. i drown them, drown them in alcohol.

They never really die, of course, but at least their ceaseless efforts to claw their ways out subside in the tide of the liquor.

That’s why i drink. Respite from the distraction of the better me i could be and the failure awaiting me should i try.

A SmokeCurrently Drinking: Smirnoff Ice. It’s cold, only 5% alcohol and helps take the edge off the hangover.

light rain Hangover Forecast: Light showers. Today’s physical hangover will have passed by tomorrow but i’ll have to deal with the residual blues i always get after a binge.