Alternative Can-idate #1 Praying Manther

In keeping with the FCC’s Equal-time rule and in an effort to keep the international Functional Alcoholic Slurperson election fair and balanced, i have generously decided to donate advertising space on my blog to my fellow can-idates .

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Praying Manther

Alternative Can-idate #1 Praying Manther

Name: Praying Manther

Sex: Yes, please.

Age: 36, what’s yours?

Occupation: Serving time–and you.

Qualifications

As an Alcoholic

  • I hold parties in my basement and serve cheerleaders Bacardi rum and beer.
  • I drink some too.

As Functional

  • I’m good at story telling (like regaling my 16-year-old and his friends with tales of my sexual exploits).
  • I’m a DJ during my parties.
  • I’m good at DIY. I’ve even installed a pole for dancing in my basement.
  • I’m a good motivator, like yelling ‘Get on the pole!’ to the cheerleaders.
  • I’m computer savvy, to the point of posting the photos of my campaign parties on Facebook.

Slogan: If I can serve minors, I can serve you.

Bumper Sticker:

Bumper Sticker Praying Manther