In keeping with the FCC’s Equal-time rule and in an effort to keep the international Functional Alcoholic Slurperson election fair and balanced, i have generously decided to donate advertising space on my blog to my fellow can-idates .
Name: Praying Manther
Sex: Yes, please.
Age: 36, what’s yours?
Occupation: Serving time–and you.
As an Alcoholic
- I hold parties in my basement and serve cheerleaders Bacardi rum and beer.
- I drink some too.
- I’m good at story telling (like regaling my 16-year-old and his friends with tales of my sexual exploits).
- I’m a DJ during my parties.
- I’m good at DIY. I’ve even installed a pole for dancing in my basement.
- I’m a good motivator, like yelling ‘Get on the pole!’ to the cheerleaders.
- I’m computer savvy, to the point of posting the photos of my campaign parties on Facebook.
Slogan: If I can serve minors, I can serve you.