Alternative Can-idate #1 Praying Manther

In keeping with the FCC’s Equal-time rule and in an effort to keep the international Functional Alcoholic Slurperson election fair and balanced, i have generously decided to donate advertising space on my blog to my fellow can-idates .

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Praying Manther

Alternative Can-idate #1 Praying Manther

Name: Praying Manther

Sex: Yes, please.

Age: 36, what’s yours?

Occupation: Serving time–and you.

Qualifications

As an Alcoholic

  • I hold parties in my basement and serve cheerleaders Bacardi rum and beer.
  • I drink some too.

As Functional

  • I’m good at story telling (like regaling my 16-year-old and his friends with tales of my sexual exploits).
  • I’m a DJ during my parties.
  • I’m good at DIY. I’ve even installed a pole for dancing in my basement.
  • I’m a good motivator, like yelling ‘Get on the pole!’ to the cheerleaders.
  • I’m computer savvy, to the point of posting the photos of my campaign parties on Facebook.

Slogan: If I can serve minors, I can serve you.

Bumper Sticker:

Bumper Sticker Praying Manther

4 thoughts on “Alternative Can-idate #1 Praying Manther

  1. “Police began investigating Russo after photos of uniformed Freedom cheerleaders dancing on a stripper pole in his basement surfaced on Facebook.com. ”

    Heh!! Go Facebook. LOL. I wonder what parent saw the photos and started asking questions.

    I’m in a thoughtful mood, and was just reading some other blogs about different struggles people are having in developing good boundaries in their activities in life, and I just really, really wonder what kind of though process (or lack thereof) goes through a person’s head when deciding to tell him or herself (“himself” in the case of Russo), “This is okay to do ____.” I know we are all just trying to figure out what in the hell we are doing here on this planet, what, if any, purpose there is in living… I guess Russo’s purpose was to have the never-ending party and pretend he was still 17. I guess he will have some time to think about it all while he is incarcerated, heh.

    • Yeah, i think it was a student that pointed out the photos to the head of the cheerleading squad, who then brought it to the attention of the authorities.

      See, babe, you CAN do worse than me!

      • I DID worse than you in two previous marriages!! LOL!! There is such a thing as functioning psychopaths and functioning control freaks, too, ya know. I believe that with the personality that you have and the compassion and personal strengths you possess, I’d take your functioning alcoholism (okay, I still think that is such an oxymoron, lol) any day.

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