Alternative Can-idate #2 Wanda Woman

In keeping with the FCC’s Equal-time rule and in an effort to keep the international Functional Alcoholic Slurperson election fair and balanced, i have generously decided to donate advertising space on my blog to my fellow can-idates .

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Wanda Woman

Iva Blojob

Wanda Woman

Name: Wanda Woman

Sex: I’m usually slightly too unconscious to know.

Occupation:al hazard

Qualifications

As An Alcoholic

  • I hold the record for the highest Blood Alcohol Content ever recorded: .72, eight times the legal limit.
  • I crashed my car into a snow bank and passed out in front of a Don’t Drive Drunk sign.

Don't Drink & DriveAs Functional

  • I survived, which means…
  • I’m a superhero. (With a BAC of .40 a normal person becomes comatose and runs a high risk of going into respiratory arrest and dying–I reached nearly double that.)

Slogan: ONoonnne’sssss Nooo oNe’sss Drknuer Drukner Thnm Tham Meeeeeee

Bumper Sticker

Bumper Sticker Wanda Woman

Why You Should Vote For Me

My running mate, Iva Blojob. She may have registered a BAC of only .55 but she’s a helluva lot hotter than me.

Iva Blojob -- Sex: Oral

Iva Blojob -- Sex: Oral

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