Alternative Can-idate #3: Wile Kiotey (Super Genius)

In keeping with the FCC’s Equal-time rule and in an effort to keep the international Functional Alcoholic Slurperson election fair and balanced, i have generously decided to donate advertising space on my blog to my fellow can-idates. This is the third and final can-idate before Tuesday’s election.

___________________________________________________________________________________________

Wile Kiotey

Super Genius

Wile Kiotey

Name: Wile Kiotey

Sex: No thank you. I owe $37,000 in alimony from my last fucking time.

Occupation: Super Genius

Qualifications

As An Alcoholic

  • Arrested for DUI…
  • After an accident…
  • Driving a bar stool.
My Road Runner, My Stool Sample

My Stool Sample

As Functional

  • I can count. (The arresting officer asked me if I’d had more than 12 beers and I told him, “Yeah, more like fifteen.”)
  • I knew when to refuse field sobriety and Blood Alcohol Content tests. (Check out the police report at The Smoking Gun.)
  • Dude! I OWN (AND INVENTED) THE ROAD RUNNER! Now you can drive from home to the bar and back without getting out of your seat.

Slogan: Wile Kiotey Won’t Take You For A Ride!

Bumper Sticker

Bumper Sticker Wile Kiotey__________________________________________________________________________________

ELECTION DAY: D-2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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