Election Day

Please cast your vote for International Functional Alcoholic Slurperson.

You may only vote for one of the following:

  • Al K Hall Al K Hall
  • Praying Manther Praying Manther
  • Wanda Woman Wanda Woman & Iva Blojob Iva Blojob
  • Wile Kiotey Wile Kiotey

International drinkers the world over thank you for your participation.

Stay tuned tomorrow to discover your new FASe!

9 thoughts on “Election Day

  1. I voted for Tom Waits. Here’s why. Recovered alcoholic, he is artistic, witty, genius — he stopped drinking and was scared the muse would leave him, but it did not…. http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/2006/oct/29/popandrock1

    By definition, he is alcoholic (it doesn’t ever really go away, from what I’ve read), he’s functional, maybe barely, lol — or maybe just weirdly so, and I think he is a great spokesperson for what it can mean to be someone who is still as quirky, weird, and groovycool as the best of ’em but who, when it comes down to it, sees heaven as “Me and my wife on Rte. 66 with a pot of coffee, a cheap guitar, pawnshop tape recorder in a Motel 6, and a car that runs good parked right by the door.” http://www.antilabelblog.com/?p=288#more-288

    There is more to being functional than being boring, and Tom has it. He’s moved into the interestingly functional, but a non-drinking alcoholic (love all the interviews I’ve cited).

    I love Al dearly, he is my best love, and yes, he puts the “functioning” back in alcoholic in a lot of ways. But as with all the other candidates, it is likely that he is (okay, this is kind of hyperbolic, but I am drawing on the cliché as a kind of metaphor) one drink away from something snapping, something that could rob this world of his presence. hypnoSis sees that, I, Miss D see it, others know or sense it, too.

    I really do love you too much to just sit and laugh at these posts and ignore that I have a tear in my eye that alcohol plays such a starring role in your life.

    So, Tom has my vote. He’s been there and back again, and functions just fine without the bottle.

    • Perfectly understandable vote. If i weren’t running, i’d pro’lly vote for him myself. Though i might have some hesitation voting for a FASe that doesn’t drink…

      As for the ‘one drink away from snapping’…i’m not so sure. What i do realize is that i’m the short side of five drinks away from breaking something between us and i have every intention of making sure that doesn’t happen.

      • “What i do realize is that i’m the short side of five drinks away from breaking something between us and i have every intention of making sure that doesn’t happen.” Actually, I know this. And I feel safe because I know this at heart, that indeed this is your best intention, and I really believe it is. I think I tend to be hyperbolic in fear. Yeah, “one drink away from snapping” is pretty hyperbolic, lol, just like I wrote. But, I do have some fear around the “alcoholic” parts of this (not the functioning parts). I wonder where the other can-didates are in their minds about it all — all their mishaps — in this moment. I think there is (of course there is) more to their stories than just the sensational parts that put them on the ‘net. I just wonder about their “snapping point” and how it even got to that point, if they believed that it was more like “five drinks away” than one. I dunno — maybe it is in part the “Final Destination” kind of understanding I have that life (and death) often takes us by surprise, and that no matter how much our intentions to not let things happen get surprised by life taking a dramatic turn… and so the fear. Does that make sense? I guess what I am saying is that we can only push ourselves so far in what is dysfunctional before there is a part of us that kind of takes over and says “enough is enough.” Kind of like the economy of exchange. Where is that point? None of us know until it happens…..

  2. Oh and yeah, in looking up stuff today, I found this interesting article!! http://www.discoveringalcoholic.com/blog/discovering-alcoholic/dui-home-invasion

    “A DUI driver in Suffolk County NY must have been approaching 100 mph as he missed a turn, hit a berm, and launched his Jeep into the second story of a house. Thankfully no one was seriously injured even though the owner of the house was home and asleep at the time and the jeep actually crashed twice- once into the house, and then a second time as it fell through to the first story foyer.”


  3. (over commenting, but I keep on thinking of stuff). Re this: “I think he is a great spokesperson” I meant to put “slurperson.” Tom is one of those who manages not to drink but still sound like he’s drunk when he sings!! LOL. He can totally slur, and sober, so the man is even more suited to be FASe Slurperson, IMHO.

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