Victory! My Acceptance Speech

We Did It!

We Did It!

The final votes have been tallied and the results are official. With 75% of the vote, i, Al K Hall, have been elected your Functional Alcoholic Slurperson. i have received congratulatory calls from Wanda Woman and Iva Blojob (the running mates received 13% of the votes) and got a wonderful message from Tom Waits (the surprise write-in, who also got 13% of the ballots). i would like to thank all of you who voted for me and assure you that i will do my utmost to be the best FASe you ever saw.

My Acceptance Speech: I Have A Drink

My Fellow Alcoholics,

i weave before you drunk, not on alcohol for once, but on power.

It is with great humility and a little buzz that i accept the honor YOU, my breathern and sisterns, have thrust upon me.

My Lives, My Loves, My Everythings,

I Have A Drink…

to the day we drinkers will have the best of both worlds, when we will be able to enjoy the pleasures of the buzz as well as the high of life.

I Have A Drink…

to the freedom to be who we are and to the control we need to achieve that.

I Have A Drink…

to our loved ones and to the time they won’t fear the unknown quantity of our drinking; to the day when drinkers and nondrinkers alike will stand together, arm in arm,  on the mountain top as one group, one people, as one family imbibing in the refreshments of our choice.

I Have A Drink…

to the Bar None, our Eldorado, our Valhalla, our Elysian Field where we can lean back with our shoes off and feet on the tables while we learn about ourselves and discover each other before taking those lessons out into the real world where we’ll share our knowledge with such sincerity that we’ll carry the pleasure of the Bar None wherever we wander in our day to day lives.

My Fellow Alcoholics, above all, i am here for You.

When you stumble, i will support you.

When you slur, i will speak for you.

When you are too drunk to feel anything, i will feel for you.