In my continuing quest as the D-Generation’s (Drinking Generation) Functional Alcoholic Slurperson… To better your lives and put the ‘Functional’ back in front of ‘Alcoholic’, i submit the following public disservice announcement.
Ten Telltale Signs Your High Is Gonna Be Jacked
- There are tons of cars parked at your house and there’s no sign of a keg.
- The jacket you get for your birthday has too many buckles, and sleeves that hang to the floor.
- Bouncers are standing at the exits and you’re at home.
- Coworkers suggest you holiday in the same ‘club’ as David Hasselhoff or Lindsay Lohan.
- You suspect every drink you’re getting is a virgin Rum & Coke.
- There isn’t any fur on the handcuffs your girlfriend is holding.
- You don’t remember buying the station wagon in the drive, especially not one with a siren and the word ‘clinic’ written on it.
- You wouldn’t have invited anyone filling your living room to a binge.
- The bars in your hotel are in the windows, not the lounge.
- Remember: The words “We need to talk” have never been followed by good news.