Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed Review of Julie & Juila

Julie & Julia

[Click here for a guide to Booze Revooze and the rating system used]

Ramblings: A Virgin Chicktail

Final Proof: 1 shot (Piss)

Right upfront, if you’re a woman, nondrinker or both, this isn’t a review for you. i’m not a big fan of romantic comedies and i’m not gonna show a whole lot of mercy here. There are pro’lly tons of sites that’ll fluff the review for you like some big old lacy pillow, but here we take it straight.

If you insist, there were two things i liked about this movie.

  1. i did laugh out loud like maybe three times, and i was even sober and even laughing with the movie, not at it.
  2. Meryl Streep’s acting was great, as usual. She should do a movie about drinking.

Ok, that out of the way, let’s get down to it.

i’m not a foodie, people, i’m an alkie. Give me home-brew, not home-cooked– though i’m not averse to getting cooked at home. About food: the first half an hour of the movie you get to hear every actor masticating like grandma with corn on the cob. Drinking is so much smoother.

The basis of the movie is the true story of a woman who gets super famous because she decides to cook 524 of Julia Child’s recipes in one year and blog about it. It made me a little jealous, truth be told. i’ve posted nearly 50 blogs but still don’t have one fan (that i don’t live with). No one has interviewed me or done a news story about me and i’m the freakin’ FASe of the D-Generation! It’ll happen, though, for sure. i’ll write a book and then they’ll make a movie about me. Meryl Streep could be in it. i’m thinking Sean Penn would make a good Al K Hall.

A better cooking movie would be about Keith Floyd, an English Chef (which apparently is not an oxymoron!) who, according to the Wiki page, “was noted for his haphazard presenting style which included frequent consumption of wine, beer and local alcoholic beverages.” Now there’s a movie i’d enjoy.

Overall, Julie¬† & Julia was pretty bland. It was a reheated story of an already stale concept, totally lacking spice. Serve it up to guests who like this kind of fare, but don’t try it yourself.

Buzz Kills (Watch Out For Spoilers)

Sex: 0 shots (Empty)

The movie stars Amy Adams. Here’s what AA (don’t worry, not that AA) can look like:

The Only AA i'm Interested In

The Only AA i'm Interested In

Here’s what she looked like in the movie:

The Bad Kind Of AA

The Bad Kind Of AA

Vanessa Ferlito was also in this movie for about 10 seconds. Here’s what she looked like:

Cold White Toast

Cold White Toast

Here’s what she can look like:

Hot Off The Stove

Spicy Hot Dish

i think i’m seeing a pattern here…

There were some sex scenes that were mercifully cut short after a couple minutes of over-the-clothes foreplay. Even what got left in, though, still felt like watching your parents going at it. Yes, even the Amy Adams bra scene.

The hottest thing about this movie? i’ll tell you: Watching Miss Demeanor walk out of the subway entrance before the film. i’d been waiting for her and was kind of scoping out girls that strolled past and i didn’t recognize her at first. My initial though was, ‘Damn, that girl is fine!’ before i realized it was her in this tight top and short jean skirt. Let me tell you, i felt so proud and lucky i was even willing to see Julie & Julia just so long as i could be next to her.

A Smoke

Drinks: 1 shot (Piss)

There were a couple scenes of people drinking wine responsibly at dinner and you know how much fun that is to watch. Like golf.  Or Saturday morning Disney programming.

Amy and Meryl both drink vodka gimlets at one point of the movie; Amy’s character downs hers in a bar because she’s bummed, which is about as realistic as this movie gets. AA is supposed to be tipsy but she pulls it off as badly as most actors do. Remind me to send the Actor’s Studio either a tape of me drunk or that one of the Hoff washing his face with a Big Mac.

Alcohol Abuse On Film

Alcohol Abuse On Film

A Smoke

Rock & Roll: 0 shots (Empty)

The closest we get to rock and roll in this movie is The Talking Heads. ‘Nuff said.

Slurred Speeches

On blogging:

It’s like AA, it gives you something you have to do every day, one day at a time.

Boring Technical Crap:

Written and Directed by Nora Ephron (based on the book by Julie Powell)

Starring:

Meryl Streep: Julia Child

Amy Adams: Julie Powell