Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed Review of Julie & Juila

Julie & Julia

[Click here for a guide to Booze Revooze and the rating system used]

Ramblings: A Virgin Chicktail

Final Proof: 1 shot (Piss)

Right upfront, if you’re a woman, nondrinker or both, this isn’t a review for you. i’m not a big fan of romantic comedies and i’m not gonna show a whole lot of mercy here. There are pro’lly tons of sites that’ll fluff the review for you like some big old lacy pillow, but here we take it straight.

If you insist, there were two things i liked about this movie.

  1. i did laugh out loud like maybe three times, and i was even sober and even laughing with the movie, not at it.
  2. Meryl Streep’s acting was great, as usual. She should do a movie about drinking.

Ok, that out of the way, let’s get down to it.

i’m not a foodie, people, i’m an alkie. Give me home-brew, not home-cooked– though i’m not averse to getting cooked at home. About food: the first half an hour of the movie you get to hear every actor masticating like grandma with corn on the cob. Drinking is so much smoother.

The basis of the movie is the true story of a woman who gets super famous because she decides to cook 524 of Julia Child’s recipes in one year and blog about it. It made me a little jealous, truth be told. i’ve posted nearly 50 blogs but still don’t have one fan (that i don’t live with). No one has interviewed me or done a news story about me and i’m the freakin’ FASe of the D-Generation! It’ll happen, though, for sure. i’ll write a book and then they’ll make a movie about me. Meryl Streep could be in it. i’m thinking Sean Penn would make a good Al K Hall.

A better cooking movie would be about Keith Floyd, an English Chef (which apparently is not an oxymoron!) who, according to the Wiki page, “was noted for his haphazard presenting style which included frequent consumption of wine, beer and local alcoholic beverages.” Now there’s a movie i’d enjoy.

Overall, Julie  & Julia was pretty bland. It was a reheated story of an already stale concept, totally lacking spice. Serve it up to guests who like this kind of fare, but don’t try it yourself.

Buzz Kills (Watch Out For Spoilers)

Sex: 0 shots (Empty)

The movie stars Amy Adams. Here’s what AA (don’t worry, not that AA) can look like:

The Only AA i'm Interested In

The Only AA i'm Interested In

Here’s what she looked like in the movie:

The Bad Kind Of AA

The Bad Kind Of AA

Vanessa Ferlito was also in this movie for about 10 seconds. Here’s what she looked like:

Cold White Toast

Cold White Toast

Here’s what she can look like:

Hot Off The Stove

Spicy Hot Dish

i think i’m seeing a pattern here…

There were some sex scenes that were mercifully cut short after a couple minutes of over-the-clothes foreplay. Even what got left in, though, still felt like watching your parents going at it. Yes, even the Amy Adams bra scene.

The hottest thing about this movie? i’ll tell you: Watching Miss Demeanor walk out of the subway entrance before the film. i’d been waiting for her and was kind of scoping out girls that strolled past and i didn’t recognize her at first. My initial though was, ‘Damn, that girl is fine!’ before i realized it was her in this tight top and short jean skirt. Let me tell you, i felt so proud and lucky i was even willing to see Julie & Julia just so long as i could be next to her.

A Smoke

Drinks: 1 shot (Piss)

There were a couple scenes of people drinking wine responsibly at dinner and you know how much fun that is to watch. Like golf.  Or Saturday morning Disney programming.

Amy and Meryl both drink vodka gimlets at one point of the movie; Amy’s character downs hers in a bar because she’s bummed, which is about as realistic as this movie gets. AA is supposed to be tipsy but she pulls it off as badly as most actors do. Remind me to send the Actor’s Studio either a tape of me drunk or that one of the Hoff washing his face with a Big Mac.

Alcohol Abuse On Film

Alcohol Abuse On Film

A Smoke

Rock & Roll: 0 shots (Empty)

The closest we get to rock and roll in this movie is The Talking Heads. ‘Nuff said.

Slurred Speeches

On blogging:

It’s like AA, it gives you something you have to do every day, one day at a time.

Boring Technical Crap:

Written and Directed by Nora Ephron (based on the book by Julie Powell)

Starring:

Meryl Streep: Julia Child

Amy Adams: Julie Powell

4 thoughts on “Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed Review of Julie & Juila

  1. “i did laugh out loud like maybe three times, and i was even sober and even laughing with the movie, not at it.”

    It was MORE than that!! LOL. I know, I know, you are obligated to kind of piss away this film in this blog, but I was sitting right next to you during this filmand you ***laughed***, like, at LEAST five times or more in this movie, mostly at Meryl Streep and her portrayal of Julia. And yes, it was laughing WITH, not at the movie. For her acting alone, this should be Two Shots. As for the rest, of course from the perspective of this blog, what you wrote all makes sense. So I am fine with your assessment from that standpoint.

    This: “Even what got left in, though, still felt like watching your parents going at it. Yes, even the Amy Adams bra scene” made me go BWAH HAH HAH!! out loud, for yeah, I have to give it to you, that’s a pretty accurate assessment. 😀

    Here’s the thing, though. What I don’t get is that guys *do not* learn.

    Lemme inject a Lesson in Women 101 here, if I might. Guys like to get into girls’ pants, eh? (If they swing that way, that is…) Girls really like these kinds of movies because they represent the things that girls like, want, and need, and giving a girl what she likes, wants and needs is one really good way to get in her pants! So, if pants-getting-into is the objective, then guys’ paying attention to this movie would be a good idea, huh.

    From the movie, we can see that women like:
    — having genuine, authentic and supportive relationships (as shown my AA as Julie and her hubby Eric, and Meryl as Julia and her husband, Paul)
    — eating good food
    — having goals and objectives of their own for which to reach
    — feeling fulfilled in life

    If a dude wants to get frequent sex regularly, then helping to ensure that the conditions above are met would likely do the trick! Yes, chick flicks. They are all about what chicks want and need, for sure! No argument about any of your assessment of the movie from a guy’s POV. I’m just sayin’, though, that these movies offer BIG clues into how to get into a girl’s pants, and so from that standpoint they have value for a man. Can all you guys out there see this? IMHO, the smart guys who get into girls’ pants KNOW how chick flicks can inform and also know just even *going* with their chick to the flick scores HUGE get-in-the-pants points, too. (So you have some points to cash in, dear Al. *wink*)

    As for this: “The hottest thing about this movie? i’ll tell you: Watching Miss Demeanor walk out of the subway entrance before the film. i’d been waiting for her and was kind of scoping out girls that strolled past and i didn’t recognize her at first. My initial though was, ‘Damn, that girl is fine!’ before i realized it was her in this tight top and short jean skirt. Let me tell you, i felt so proud and lucky i was even willing to see Julie & Julia just so long as i could be next to her.”

    This is totally cool! Thank you (points racking up and going “ka-ching ka-ching” on the meter!). I saw your face when this happened & saw a flash of how flummoxed you were, lol. It was pretty cute. BUT, it kind of scares me at the same time, like, “Oh shit! What did I do differently that day, and do I normally NOT look very hot?!?” Okay, realistically, NO HUMAN looks hot all the time, not movie stars, not regular people. We all go poo and have to take showers, etc. But I am trying to think of what it was that made me dress that way that day, what made me walk a little taller. In fact, I think it was in part that I have not been feeling good, and so I thought to myself, “I am going to fake it until I make it” and take advantage of the opportunity to get a little more “fixed up” as I was going to be out and about. I basically was faking it, and what you told me through this story is that I made it. 🙂 I think, though, that it is totally special that after three (technically 23 years, but for sure the past three) years of knowing one another, and the last 15 months of living together, I can still make you look and LIKE what you see. 🙂

    I will also say about this part: “i’d been waiting for her and was kind of scoping out girls that strolled past and i didn’t recognize her at first” is that you also need glasses, hahahahaha. I’m just glad that when I got close up, you liked what you saw, too. 🙂

    Fun, fun review, my dear, and very well-written as an alter ego Al K Hall! It was very true to his character and points of view, and I giggled a lot at it. 🙂

  2. Oh and DUH.

    You are going to laugh at me for this is a classic example of just how literal I can get and how distinguishing fantasy from reality gets me a little flummoxed. When I typed this: “an alter ego Al K Hall” a light bulb suddenly went off in my head and I was all “DUH!!” at myself.

    This is an alter ego blog. Literally written by one of your alters.http://www.absoluteastronomy.com/topics/Alter_ego

    It’s like John Updike and Henry Beck, David Bowie and Ziggy Stardust, Bukowski and Chinaski…. Oh I GET IT.

    Sorry. It takes me a while.

    I think what is different this time with this blog is that I am not acting as an alter right now. At least, I don’t think so. Orrrrr, maybe I am. Maybe I am in an alter right now. I think this whole thing has kind of put me into some alter that I don’t know very well. An integrated self? I don’t know…. I kind of hope not for she is a little too literal and a little too boring for my taste. And she takes this blog WAY too seriously a lot of the time.

    I really, really have to think about this some more for this realization has really kind of opened something up………

  3. Hmmm thankyou Mr Hall for confirming what i had suspected all along, never has a film appealed to me less! Thats probably a lie but I cant be bothered to put any thought into thinking of one, oh wait the “sex and the city movie”, i think i would rather peirce my scrotum with a rusted teaspoon than suffer that, but thats about it!
    Keep up the good work 😉

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