From the Juice-box, in honor of The Man
[Press ‘Play’ to be serenaded as you peruse.]
(Just a reminder for my friends from America: ‘Pissed’ in the title refers to the common British slang usage, meaning ‘drunk’.)
Falling Hoff The Wagon
[From The Sun UK]
David Hasselhoff has earned once again (as if that were necessary, or possible) the title: Patron Deity of The Bar None.
He went to London for Simon Cowell’s birthday party and ended up in hospital rehab. Yeah, like that’s never happened to you.
The b-day bash began a two-day bender that left the Hoff more bent than ever. He became belligerent in his 5-star hotel bar, berating staff and belittling onlookers, before the binge broke him in a bad way. Strokin’-hoff then pee’d the bed so badly that both mattresses had to be changed and that’s about when Whacked-Hoff ‘s assistant freaked and called for medical backup.
Beaten-Hoff took this the wrong way, and as Governor of the State of Inebriation he was in a capital mood to punish his babysitter. Unfortunately, his punch went wide and connected with the doctor. The doctor then called in hotel help, who hassled the Hoff into the basement where they kept him under lock and key until the ambulance arrived.
Nodding-Hoff was whisked to the 5-Star Capio Nightingale Hospital where it took him two days to dry out. The guests there proceeded to bow down in much deserved praise. “He was recognised immediately. Everyone was thrilled The Hoff had arrived and wanted to meet him,” one punch drunk patient is on record as saying.
Hell, if you can hang with the Hoff, you ain’t human.
All Hail the Hoff!