Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed Review of THE DESCENT: PART 2

The Descent: Part 2

Don't Go There

[Click here for a guide to Booze Revooze and the rating system used]

Ramblings: Lots of ‘Rock’, Not Much Roll

Final Proof:2 Shots

2 shotsHard to believe, but here in Yeman i get served first for a change. Instead of reviewing a movie months after everyone else has seen it, i finally get the opportunity to score before the rest of the riffraff. Just to rub it in a little, here are some screen shots i stole in the theater. i know the quality is bad, but it’s a lot better than anything you have to show me, isn’t it. Here, then, is your sneak peek.

Sarah (Shauna Macdonald) Laid Up

Sarah (Shauna Macdonald) Laid Up

Sarah (Shauna Macdonald) Returns to the Scene

Sarah (Shauna Macdonald) Returns to the Scene

Fighting In A Monster Toilet

Fighting In A Monster Toilet

You know how when you were in high school and you’d go to a party where there’s the one drunk ass who loves sneaking up behind girls and startling them by grabbing their shoulders and screaming in their ear so they jump and spill their beers and he giggles as he looks for the next chick to do it to? He thinks everyone yelling at him and telling him to get the hell out is part of the game and he truly considers himself to be the entertainment for the evening and the next time you see him he’ll say “Remember that one party where I scared all the girls and they freaked? That was pretty awesome!” The Descent: Part 2 is kinda like that.

The director, Jon Harris, must’ve done that a lot when he was younger ’cause that’s pretty much all he does here. He confuses suspense with making people jump, not realizing the former is an art and the second is cheap. The first Descent was great until you saw the monsters because of the violence and the ambiguity surrounding the cause of it. Then the hellions showed up and the movie sank into standard horror fare. Unfortunately, The Descent 2 starts out with the monsters so all we get is Friday The Thirteenth in a cave and not even a token titty shot to tide us over.

The other major drawback of The Descent 2 are the WTF!? moments. i won’t go into them here because i don’t want to spoil anything, but looking at my notes i find at least five times where the story was so absurd i just had to ask myself: WTF!? (Ok, i can’t resist, SPOILER ALERT! At the beginning of the movie, Sarah (Shauna Macdonald) can’t remember what happened in the cave during The Descent (WTF!?) and the police suspect her of killing her friends so they decide to take her to the cave again (WTF!?) and when she gets there she doesn’t freak out (WTF!?) until she has a flashback and realizes all of the horrors that happened there so she RUNS AWAY FROM THE GROUP (WTF!?) and, instead of looking for an exit, SHE RUNS DEEPER INTO THE CAVES! (WTF!?))

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: 0 Shots

There’s less skin in TD2 than a full-veil festival in Saudi Arabia. The actresses in the movie may be cute, but there’s too many layers of blood and guts to scrape off first to be sure. Those of you who are into women covered with mud and blood will get into this, but those of us who prefer our heroines uncovered will leave the caves unsated.

Shauna Macdonald:

Shauna Macdonald

Shauna Macdonald

Natalie Jackson Mendoza:

Natalie Jackson Mendoza

For Those Who Like Their Girls Dirty

Anna Skellern:

Anna Skellern

Anna Skellern

Another Dirty Girl

A Smoke

Drink: 0 Shots

Nothing. Dry as Salt Lake City on Sunday.

A Smoke

Rock & Roll: 1½ Shots

1 & 1-2 shot

Obviously there’s not a hint of real tuneage in this movie, unless you count the ‘crashing piano’ sound effect designed to startle you as music.

i’ll give the rock and roll attitude of the thing a shot and a half, though. Some (i can think of two off the top of my head) of the scenes were original, there’s enough gore to satisfy and when the entire movie takes place in a cave, you’re gonna have a lot of rock.

Boring Technical Crap

Written by: J Blakeson, James McCarthy

Directed by: Jon Harris

Starring

Shauna Macdonald – Sarah

Anna Skellern – Cath

Natalie Jackson Mendoza – Juno

Bottom Line

Don’t fall for it. See the original Descent again, instead.

4 thoughts on “Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed Review of THE DESCENT: PART 2

  1. “Unfortunately, The Descent 2 starts out with the monsters so all we get is Friday The Thirteenth in a cave and not even a token titty shot to tide us over.” Hahahahahaha!

    I do have one thing too say about this movie that you have not already written: I am never, ever EVER going to go spelunking after seeing this. LOL. Well, what I saw of it between my fingers as my hands were covering my face for about 95% of this movie. 😀 Yeah, this movie is totally like that ass at the party and I want to SMACK him, especially with the ending, which I won’t write about more than this, except to say it made me even MORE sorry I sat through the whole thing, viewing it between fingers.

    It was very “jumpy” and gory, I have to say that, and if one likes a couple of non-stop hours of jump! gore jump! gore jump! gore, then you will be happy with this movie. The rest of us, who are not opposed to a little jump! then gore as long as it is housed within an intelligent story, would be better off without it.

    Oh here’s your drinking tie-in: this movie tensed Miss D up so much that she WISHED she were not totally T! It made me wanna drink….

    • “I am never, ever EVER going to go spelunking after seeing this”
      as a caver, I only with this was the response of all of those destructive little college-aged (and younger) hellions that think a cave is someplace to partay. It didn’t work with the original.

      • You know, I bet if I saw a National Geographic special on spelunking and you could PROVE to me there were no man-eating demon-people down in the caves, I could go after all, lol. When I was a kid, it was a dream of mine to go spelunking. Part of the enthrall is the cool name. SPELUNK. It’s such a great word…

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