Dregs of the Week: Oct 12 – 18, 2009

Don't Hit It With The Hammer, Babe!

Not With The Hammer, Babe!

From the Juice-box, dedicated to Holly Madison.

[Press ‘Play’ and peruse.]

Oct 12: Holly Madison (not sure if she’s directly related to Dolly) gets a handle on the keg and then bangs away. [Btw, and i realize this rant has no business being here, according to her Wiki page, Madison had plastic surgery to go from an A-cup to a D-cup. Anyone who knows me well would tell you i equate breast size to school grades, i.e. Madison went from Magna Cum Loudly to practical failure.]

A Smoke

Oct 13: Cook ‘Cases’ Convenience Store: A guy in Baton Rouge, Louisiana shoplifted 11 cases of beer and got away. He went into the place and grabbed six cases of Bud and one of Bud Light (maybe his drinking choices are what help keep him fit enough to ‘grab’ 7 cases). Then he dropped them off in his car–and went back in for 2 more cases of each. Police are looking for a gold Mercury or Crown Victoria with a sagging back end. My only question is: What was Apu doing while all of this was going on?

Shoplifters Will Be Executed

Shoplifters Will Be Executed

A Smoke

Oct 13: The second time was the charm. In Utica, NY Talitha Gorea, a 33-year-old College Professor (Sociology, not Law, not Driver’s Ed.) was pulled over for traffic violations when the fuzz noticed an open container of alcohol and ecstasy pills in her car. (Yeah, i wanna play hide and seek with her.) They busted her and she was released to a family member. Four hours later, Talitha was driving the wrong way down a one-way street with a different open container of alcohol in the car. This time the cops held her in jail awaiting her arraignment. If at first you don’t succeed, drink, drink again.

Didn't Learn Her Lesson

Didn't Learn Her Lesson

A Smoke

Thanks A Lot, Bro'

Thanks A Lot, Bro'

Oct 14: Apparently Arkansas siblings do more than sleep together and marry each other. An off duty cop was knocking ’em back at the local VFW when he started knocking down patrons and staff. He was manhandled into the parking lot when responding officers arrived, one of whom was his brother. The drunk brother continued being a complete ass, so his brother whipped out his taser and discharged. After 12 hours in detox, the tased brother lost his job.

A Smoke

Oct 15: Mug Shot of the Week–> Thomas Dekker

Mug Shot - Thomas Dekker

At 9pm last Wednesday night in the San Fernando Valley, Thomas Dekker (AKA “The kid who played John Connor on “The Sarah Connor Chronicles”), mowed over a 17-year-old on a bike. The teen was taken to the hospital and treated. Turns out Dekker decked the dude with a BAC of over 0.08%, which means DUI. i’m taking bets on whether or not Dekker said, “You’re Terminated” when he pressed the accelerator.

A Smoke

Oct 15: Speaking of Mug Shots, remember Jason Wahler? Seems that he isn’t the only partier in Laguna Beach. The Cali town has an unusually high rate of underage drinking. A recent study reveals that nearly 50% of high school juniors have consumed alcohol in the past month. Either it was an abnormally good month or i’m moving to Laguna Beach and looking for Girl Scout Jamborees.

A Smoke

Oct 15: Speaking of underage drinking… Michigan youths who call 911 because they’re dangerously drunk will not be persecuted. Well, maybe persecuted but for sure not prosecuted. A new law protects babes in the woods against Minor In Possession charges if they over-imbibe and call for help.  The sellers aren’t protected, yet, but D.R.I.N.K.E.R. is lobbying for a change to this law as well. Expect updates on my progress in the not so near future.

A Smoke


Oct 17: [File this under “Reasons i Drink #3: It’s Good for My Health”] Drinking Good For Trauma: i always knew that drinking was good for trauma (i’m such the Trauma King) but turns out booze is also good for getting over it, not just causing it. The University of Adelaide, proving once again that Aussies rock when it comes to the bock, found out that alcohol “protects accident victims from post-traumatic psychological disorders” and “…drinking before and after an accident [emphasis is mine] minimises distress and lessens anxiety.”

8 thoughts on “Dregs of the Week: Oct 12 – 18, 2009

  1. oct 12 – are we more worried about men in leather shorts or that someone decided it was appro to bring his hunting rifle to the keg opening.

    Oct 13(robbery) Sounds like an inside job

    Oct 13(DUI) simply an interuption in her ongoing party that she probably didn’t even remember. Woke up in jail wondering WTF

    Oct 14 Probably be a security guard for his uncle next week.

    That Michigan law reminds me of one enacted here. Seems that because medicinal pot is legal here (although any fed passing though will still bust you because fed law superceeds state law) it is perfectly legal to board a plane with an ounce. Better smoke it on the way, cuz it sure isn’t going to be legal anywhere you land.

    I’ll look it up, but I’ve also hear that being drunk help one survive an accidentbecause, if you are loose and relaxed rather than stiff had stressed, you “roll with it” and lessens breakage and such.

  2. “…proving once again that Aussies rock when it comes to the bock…”LOL. I loved a lot of the lines in this post, but I think this is my favorite, hahaha!

    Oh, you do find the amusing booze news, dontcha, sweet Al. XOXO Miss D

  3. UPDATE: Appearently Obama was watching the news last night when this overlooked allowence in pot enforcement was discussed. Today he annouced an almost complete turn around in the previous administrations view on state vs federal laws:
    “in 14 states with some provisions for medical marijuana use, federal prosecutors should focus only on cases involving higher-level drug traffickers, money launderers or people who use the state laws as a cover.”
    It is still a federal offence, but…

    • Yet one more reason i prefer Bud to buds. Ease of purchase and the feds don’t stalk you. Still, for those of you out there who enjoy this type of relaxation, the Bar None was, is and always will be smoker friendly.

  4. Yes, it’s true..I did the crim. It was a horrible night. My husband and I had been in a fight. I was (for various reasons confused)…the police were supposed to tow my car the first time around..Godd Ol’ Utica cops…release it to my Mom..then later told me to come pick up mu ticktes @ the Police Station..Hence the 2nd DWI. However, it has been a year since this lovely posting of my mug shot. I wouldnt want to play hide and seek with me either. I have been in recovery for over a year now and am feeling wonderful…not to mention LOOK a WHOLE HELL of a lot better…Drinking is a serious issue…Unfortunalty, here in lovely Utica, NY, USA every person that was arrested for DWI after my case was not nearly as exposed as I was! In fact they seem to cover up some certain people that were guilty as charged. Through faith in God, love from family and friends and therapy I am doing very well…Thank-You! By the way I never did the drug they supposedly found me with in my whole life…

    • Hello Talitha,

      Welcome to the Bar None! Pull up a stool, put your feet on the table and make yourself at home.

      Thank you so much for stopping by and not hating me. After i saw you had commented, i went back and reread the post to make sure i hadn’t been too hard on you. Whenever i write these posts, i try to remain respectful of people and keep a sense of humor at the same time, hopefully not at anyone’s expense. It seems the worst thing i said was that i wouldn’t play “hide and seek” with you, though thinking about it, it makes more sense to say i want to because i’d probably win 😉 . Anyway, i sincerely hope you weren’t offended by anything i’d written.

      i also appreciate your taking the time to explain what went down. All too often the press (myself included) only report what we hear from other sources without the benefit of knowing all the facts. Your explanation makes a lot of sense and makes it easier for even someone like me to understand. Personally, i have had way more humiliating and emabarassing things happen to me than your brush with the law and i would hate for those moments to be made public. i agree with you 100% that the press / law is very selective on what gets reported on and some stories seem to take off while others, even worse ones, go ignored. Unfortunately, yours was the former.

      More importantly, i honestly was happy to read that your situation has improved from last year and that you have overcome that night. It’s reassuring for my readers (many of whom have been in the same situation) to see that there is hope after a “worst night of my life” story.

      As for the picture, honetsly i don’t think you looked bad in the mug shot, so if you look better…wow!

      Finally, if you’re interested, i would love to write a follow-up feature “clearing your name”. i would explain the details you’ve presented here and explain that you’ve moved past that night over a year ago. i won’t do this without your permission because maybe you just want to put this whole thing behind you and aren’t interested in any more public attention. If you would like me to write the new article, i would give you the right to read and approve it first before i posted it, just to make sure i get my facts straight. You’d also be free to send me a more recent photo, if you liked! If this sounds good, just let me know in the comments!

      Thank you again for not hating me and i hope that you’ll agree to my offer to show the world that what happened last year was just a series of bad events and not a true reflection of the person you are.

      Thanks for partronizing me,

      Al K Hall

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