Beware of False Prophets (A Drunk Blogging RANT)

How can you say what MY best interest is? What are you trying to say? I’M crazy? When I went to YOUR schools, I went to YOUR churches, I went to YOUR institutional learning facilities. So how can you say I’M crazy?

Here’s what i think about “institutions”. From the Juice-box:

[Press ‘Play’ if you hate institutions.]

They are lying to you.

Again.

In my continuing quest as your FASe, i have rooted out the evil and attacked it. i’m posting the original post of Narcononofga’s NOT SO SMART  and my comments here because i believe the institution will try to cover this up by ‘deleting’ me. i WILL NOT BE DELETED.

Here’s what they said:

h1

NOT SO SMART

August 17, 2009

Functional alcoholic does not say at what level the alcoholic is functioning.  According to this article in Join Together, binge drinkers can’t think as well as non-bingers, even when they are sober.

Additional proof that binge drinkers are not so smart?  A binge drinker knows that what they are doing is harmful, yet continue to binge.

Narconon drug and alcohol treatment has a 76% successful rate.  877 – 413-3073

“Self-reported binge drinkers performed worse on cognitive tests compared to non-bingers, even when they were sober, the Los Angeles Times reported Aug. 11.

Researchers at the University of Santiago de Compostela in Spain said the findings hinted that binge drinking could affect the brain in ways similar to that observed among alcoholics.”

http://www.jointogether.org/news/research/summaries/2009/binge-drinking-affects-even.html

A Smoke

Here’s my (soon to be deleted) response:

As Functional Alcoholic Slurperson (and if you don’t believe the title, click on my name or Google “Slurperson”), i (obviously) have some issues with this post.

1) You say “Functional alcoholic does not say at what level the alcoholic is functioning.  According to this article in Join Together, binge drinkers can’t think as well as non-bingers, even when they are sober.” Your article provides no scientific proof, nor does it provide a link to such proof, that we “can’t think as well as non-bingers, even when [we] are sober”. i’m guessing that even if you did actually provide a link to “Join Together” or “Functional alcoholic” it would be to a site in Georgia, and thus in someway related (i.e. inbred) to your ‘institution’.

i can do the same thing. Watch:
Functional alcoholics can be very functioning and studies show we are more intelligent, drunk or sober, than non-bingers. Because i said so.

2) The “binge drinkers” link you post (http://atlantarecoverycenter.com/drug-addiction-2/) is not from an independent source but from your own sect. In addition, it’s not even a link about binge drinking but a link for drug addicts. Yes, alcohol is a ‘drug’ but so is caffeine. Alcohol is not meth or cocaine and lumping them all in together is misleading.

3) When you say “a binge drinker knows that what they are doing is harmful yet they continue to binge” proves you and your sect know nothing about addicts or binge drinkers. If we’re so stupid, how have i, as a binge drinker and FASe, been able to respond intelligently to your post; and some would even say more intelligently than you when you wrote this? Perhaps the IQ test will be if you respond to my protests or simply delete them.

But i’m not worried, i’m posting all of this on my own blog and i get more hits there than you do here. Nyah nyah-nyah nyah nyah.

Respectfully,

Al K Hall
International Functional Alcoholic Slurperson

A Smoke

Hopefully you’re still listening to the tunes so i have time to squeeze in a rant.

Let’s do an experiment.

In your WordPress search bar, type in “drinking”. What do you see? Stories about people who want to STOP drinking or blogs by sorority chicks flirting with their night on the wild side and exaggerating every detail. Or freaking INSTITUTIONS trying to sell you sobriety…

Plus, they date to before you were born!

Is it just me, or should “drinking” take you to recent and real blogs about drinking?

A Smoke

Lyrics from the Juice-box

Suicidal Tendencies – Institutionalized

Sometimes I try to do things but it just doesn’t work out the way I want it to, and I get real frustrated and then like I try hard to do it, and I like, take my time but it just doesn’t work out the way I want it to. It’s like, I concentrate on it real hard, but it just doesn’t work out. And everything I do and everything I try, it never turns out. It’s like, I need time to figure these things out, but there’s always someone there going “Hey Mike, you know we’ve been noticing you’ve been having a lot of problems lately, you know? You need to maybe get away. And like, maybe you should talk about it, you’ll feel a lot better.” And I go “No, it’s ok, you know. I’ll figure it out. Just leave me alone, I’ll figure it out, you know? I’m just working on it myself.” And they go “Well, you know, if you wanna talk about it, I’ll be here, you know? And you’ll probably feel a lot better if you talk about it. So why don’t you talk about it?” I go “No, I don’t want to! I’m ok. I’ll figure it out myself!” But they just keep bugging me, they just keep bugging me, and it builds up inside.

So you’re gonna be institutionalized. You’ll come out brainwashed with bloodshot eyes.
You won’t have anything to say. They’ll brainwash you until you see their way.

I’m not crazy – institutionalized
You’re the one that’s crazy – institutionalized
You’re driving me crazy – institutionalized
They stuck me in an institution, said it was the only solution
To give me the needed professional help to protect me from the enemy, myself.

I was in my room and I was just like staring at the wall thinking about everything, but then again I was thinking about nothing. And then my mom came in, and I didn’t even know she was there. She called my name and I didn’t hear her and then she started screaming “Mike, Mike!” And I go “What? Whats the matter?” She goes “What’s the matter with you?” I go “There’s nothing wrong, mom.” She’s all “Don’t tell me that! You’re on drugs!” I go “No mom I’m not on drugs. I’m ok, I’m just thinking, you know? Why don’t you get me a Pepsi?” She goes “No! You’re on drugs!” I go “Mom, I’m ok. I’m just thinking.” She goes “No! You’re not thinking, you’re on drugs! Normal people don’t be acting that way!” I go “Mom, just get me a Pepsi! Please, all I want is a Pepsi!” And she wouldn’t give it to me! All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn’t give it to me! Just a Pepsi!

They give you a white shirt with long sleeves! Tied around your back, you’re treated like thieves!
Drug you up because they’re lazy! It’s too much work to help a crazy!

I’m not crazy – institutionalized
You’re the one who’s crazy – institutionalized
You’re driving me crazy – institutionalized
They stuck me in an institution, said it was the only solution
To give me the needed professional help, to protect me from the enemy, myself.

I’m sitting in my room, when my mom and my dad came in. They pulled up a chair and they sat down. They go “Mike, we need to talk to you.” And I go “Ok, whats the matter?” They go “Me and your mom, we’ve noticed that lately you’ve been having a lot of problems, and you’ve been going off for no reason, and we’re afraid you’re going to hurt somebody, and we’re afraid you’re going to hurt yourself. So we decided that it would be in you’re best interest if we put you somewhere where you could get the help that you need.” And I go “Wait, what are you talking about, WE decided? MY best interests? How do you know what MY best interest is? How can you say what MY best interest is? What are you trying to say? I’M crazy? When I went to YOUR schools, I went to YOUR churches, I went to YOUR institutional learning facilities. So how can you say I’M crazy?”

They say they’re gonna fix my brain. Alleviate my suffering and my pain.
But by the time they fix my head. Mentally I’ll be dead.

I’m not crazy – institutionalized
You’re the one who’s crazy – institutionalized
You’re driving me crazy – institutionalized
They stuck me in an institution, said it was the only solution
To give me the needed professional help, to protect me from the enemy, myself.

Doesn’t matter, I’ll probably get hit by a car anyways.

i Got Your BAC: Blood Alcohol Content for Dummies (Part 3)

Part 3: Blood Alcohol Content For Dummies

Here are the BAC records and broken ones…

Clocking In At 0.45%

The tragic story of a 16-year-old honor student, Rhona Tavener. This English girl, not normally a drinker, went to a party at a rich kid’s £1 million estate, where they had her start off with sips of friends’ drinks before she downed half a liter of Smirnoff straight. She fell off the hammock, was given CPR by her friends as they took her home and showed up at the hospital in a one-way coma.

The world needs every sweet sixteen we can get, girls. Don’t drink and die.

Clocking In At 0.72%

Yes, nearly twice the death limit. For a long time i thought she was the best BAC ever, and was even a bit intimidated when she was an alternative Can-idate for the FASe Elections.

Terri Comer (AKA Wanda Woman) passed out while driving home and crashed her car in a snow bank–within eyesight of a road sign warning against drunk driving. Man, if i’d made that up people would be all over my ass for not showing enough imagination.

Terri Comer

Terri Comer2

Clocking In At .914%: To Hell And BAC

Almost 1 percent of this guy’s blood was alcohol. Let’s just sit back for a moment and think about that…

Hmmmm….

So this 67-year-old Bulgarian guy gets bumped by a car and taken to the hospital unconscious. He smelled drunk so the doctors tested him. When they saw the result, they thought their equipment was screwed up. They did five separate lab tests to be sure, and sure enough: 0.914%. ELEVEN TIMES over the legal drinking limit had he been driving.

Some records were meant not to be broken.

Mr Bulgarian Dude, we at the Bar None salute you.

Previous Posts

i Got Your BAC: Blood Alcohol Content For Dummies (Part 1)

i Got Your BAC: Blood Alcohol Content For Dummies (Part 2)