Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed Review of JENNIFER’S BODY

Jennifer's Body Rocks Hard

Jennifer's Body Rocks Hard

[Click here for a guide to Booze Revooze and the rating system used]

From the Juice-box and the soundtrack: Screeching Weasel – I Can See Clearly Now

[Press ‘Play’ to get your Rock off.]

Ramblings: Holding Something Against Jennifer’s Body

Final Proof:3 Shots

3 shots

You know how when you meet some really cool girl and you get along really well and you’ve known her for a couple years and you don’t see her all that often but every time you do you remember what a blast you have with her. And then you find out she’s got a big sister, who’s really hot because your friend shows you a picture and your friend says she’s gonna introduce you to the sister. So it’s all good and you get pumped about the meeting but then when you’re at the Bar None and you meet the older sister, you find out she’s nowhere near as cool as the younger sister and you’re disappointed because you thought there’d be some family resemblance not in looks but in the way they act but there just isn’t, to the point it’s harder to get drunk than usually because you’re not having the fun you thought you would.

It’s kinda like that with Juno and Jennifer’s Body. Diablo Cody, the chick who stripped for a year before she decided to write Juno, has presented us with this, her latest. But Jennifer leaves an aftertaste that Juno didn’t.

Here’s what i like about Jennifer’s Body. The film was written by a woman (Diablo Cody), directed by a woman (Karyn Kusama) and stars two women. i like that it’s a strong feminine movie, where the male and female roles are reversed for what Miss D and i have baptized a ‘Switch Flick’. Megan Fox (while maybe, at 23, a little old to play a highschool cheerleader) does a solid job as Jennifer and Amanda Seyfried makes the most of her portrayal as Jennifer’s best friend; while, even more interestingly, the male parts of Jennifer’s Body are tiny and insignificant. The chesty victims of traditional horror films are replaced by flat little boys and here the boy’s meatier parts are held by women.

The downside of the movie is that, as a satire of teenager slasher films, there is some humor but the basic framework is exactly the same as the movies it mocks. The director and writer should have taken the originality of their treatment of the characters and spread it into the story, the directing, the plot and all the rest of that stuff. As it is, Jennifer doesn’t go as far as her little sister Juno.

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: 3½ Shots

3  & 1-2 shots

Ok, despite some of the obvious flaws i mentioned above, Jennifer’s Body is sulfurous. Which makes sense, because Jennifer’s body is Megan Fox’s. Here are some shots of The Fox to get you through the rest of your day.

Megan Fox

Megan Fox

As A Cheerleader!

As A Cheerleader!

With Pasties!

With Pasties!

Amanda Seyfried is no slouch either:

Amanda Seyfried -  Vanity Fair Pinup

Amanda Seyfried

Amanda Seyfried

Amanda Seyfried GQ Magazine

While i’m at it, here are a couple shots of Diablo Cody:

Whip Cream Bra

Whip Cream Bra

Sucking Oscar's Head

Sucking Oscar's Head

And there’s more!

While i and every other hetero male the world over are bemoaning the total absence of any full frontal nudity, a couple scenes made up for this lack. To be honest, there’s no way in hell they made up for this lack in any kind of way but i’m trying to be nice.

Thingy 1) Toward the beginning, Jennifer grabs Needy’s (Amanda Seyfried) boobs over her shirt.

Here’s a pic of Megan Fox grabbing her own boobs over her shirt:

Who's next?

Who's next?

Thingy 2) Toward the end, Jennifer and Needy swap super sizzling spittle, with tongue.

A Smoke

Drink: ½ shot

References to underage drinking in a bar called Melody Lane. It’s hard to fall for the whole ‘underage’ drinking thing with Megan Fox looking like she does. In the bar, she orders two drinks called 9/11, which come in twin soda glasses with layered red, white and blue liqueurs.

Later, in a state of shock, a gay boy band dude force feeds The Fox a whiskey on the rocks.

A Smoke

Rock & Roll: 3 Shots

Not enough here, but the little rock they have is good. Check out the song at the top of the page if you don’t believe me.

Here’s the Soundtrack:

  1. Kiss With a Fist – Florence and The Machine
  2. New Perspective – Panic! At The Disco
  3. Teenagers – Hayley Williams
  4. New In Town – Little Boots
  5. Finishing School – Dashboard Confessional
  6. Through The Trees – Low Shoulder
  7. Time – Cute Is What We Aim For
  8. I Can See Clearly – Screeching Weasel
  9. Chew Me Up – Cobra Starship
  10. Toxic Valentine – All Time Low
  11. I’m Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend – Black Kids
  12. Death – White Lies
  13. Celestial Crown – The Sword
  14. Little Lover’s So Polite – Silversun Pickups
  15. Ready For The Floor – Lissy Trullie

If you want another cool song, here’s Florence and the Machine – Kiss With A Fist

[Press ‘Play’ or Die]

The Rock ‘n’ Roll attitude of the film was there, but as i said up there somewhere, the action was a little cliché so it’s hard to get worked up about how hard the movie isn’t.

Boring Technical Crap

Written by: Diablo Cody

Directed by: Karyn Kusama


Megan Fox – Jennifer

Amanda Seyfried – Anita ‘Needy’ Lesnicky

Bottom Line

Yeah, see it. But at a matinee or something when you don’t have to play full price.