Dregs of the Week: Oct 19 – 25, 2009

Lindsay & Ali Lohan

October 23: Looks like we don’t need to worry our pretty little heads over it anymore. According to Lindsay Lohan, her 15 year old sister knows when to leave the party early and go home to study. Able to earn from her big sister’s mistakes, apparently. “She has a good head on her shoulders,” Lindsay said, without mentioning the rest of Ali. A mistake i refuse to compound; judge for yourselves:

Ali Lohan

Ali Lohan bikini

Ali Lohan

A Smoke

October 16: Here are the BEAR facts. In Minnesota (i’m not sure which town, but it’s ok, there’s like only one anyway), a brown bear BEARelled into a grocery store and went straight to the BEAR cooler. The video’s here, if you want to grin and BEAR it. (Y’all didn’t know i was sponsored by the American Pun Assholeciation did ya?)

A Smoke

October 20: Speaking of fridges, a guy broke into a pub in Ridge Manor, Florida. Instead of stealing anything, he pried open the door to a storage shed, ate a can of tomatoes and then fell asleep. He was found by security guards the next morning. Drunk before he got there, ya think? Jeebus, doesn’t anyone drink in bars anymore?

A Smoke

October 22: Speaking of bar robbery, there’s a woman, either rocket scientist or hitching post, not sure which but it doesn’t really matter anyway, goes into this bar in Massachusetts. She leaves later, with some guy, and gets mugged right outside the place. Tragic. The thieves got $27,000. Wow, super lucky thieves, right? Nope, turns out the woman was walking around the bar showing everyone the 27 grand in her purse that she’d gotten from sort of insurance settlement. Guess what the police officer said. i quote: “The woman should have put her cash settlement in a bank.” Come to the Bar None, babes, if you really want someone to Serve you and then Protect you.

A Smoke

October 19: i wanna party like they do in Reno. There’s 50-year-old there who’s been busted three times for DUI. And not just three times, but three times in 17 days. Go ahead and party in Reno, if you like, but stay off the streets for chrissakes. Doesn’t anyone drink in bars anymore?

A Smoke

October 20: Speaking of DWI, you want a lazy boy, i got your lazy boy. Dennis Anderson (or Leroy Dennis, depends on the site) pleaded guilty to drunk driving his recliner. Seemed he went the bar, pounded 8 or 9 beers, hopped on his motorized recliner and crashed into another car while driving home. Don’t ask me why, but all of this gives me an idea for a toilet seat bar stool. The Bar None could use that kind of creativity. Anyways, here’s the chair:

La-Z Boy Car

A Smoke

October 22: Finally, what would a Dregs of the Week be without a Mug Shot? Here’s Dennis Quaid’s:

Dennis Quaid Mug ShotHere’s Dennis Quaid in his car after leaving a bar:

Dennis Quaid01

Now, here’s the cops telling him he shouldn’t be driving:

Dennis Quaid03

Here’s Quaid getting out of his car and going back to the bar to call a cab:

Dennis Quaid02

Now is it just me, or are the police giving him a break they didn’t give the La-Z boy? Like i always say, better a movie star than a redneck. Just sayin’.

A Smoke

C’mon, you knew i wouldn’t be able to leave without one more Ali Lohan shot:

Are You Thinking What i'm Thinking?

Are You Thinking What i'm Thinking?

A Smoke

On a final note…

i broke a hundred!

Diary-a of a Chronicle Drinker currently has a total of 116 hits for the day, so for the first time since i started this blog (i began posting regularly at the end of August 2009), i’ve had over 100 hits in one day.

In 2 months, the Bar None has served over 1,600 readers and has increased Patronizers for every week since its foundation.

i would like to thank Miss Demeanor for her constant help, forgiveness, encouragement and understanding.

i’d like to thank my lesbians.

i’d like to thank all y’all who are coming here to read the Booze Revooze; i hope you spend more time and take a look around the other offers on tap.

i’d especially like to thank Ken, Conan the Troutman, the crabby old guy, Gabrielle Chapin,  Shell for making the effort to leave comments and all the rest of you faceless masses who are still holding back. Hopefully you’ll feel more and more at ease here and be willing to share your stories. i’d love to hear them.

Thank you again for patronizing me. If you had fun, invite a friend.

6 thoughts on “Dregs of the Week: Oct 19 – 25, 2009

  1. Well the guy in the lazy-boy did hit someone. I’ve seen the Quaid vid on tv (repeatedly, must be a slow news day not that the balloon-boy hoax is played out) and didn’t notice until the stills you posted that he’s in a car FULL of adults. No one was sober? Good party!

    • Yeah, but if the cops’d stopped as soon as he’d seated up…

      i still can’t post videos here. It requires ANOTHER upgrade on WordPress (in Addition to the cash i paid for the music upgrade) and i pro’lly won’t go there until i get over 50 hits a day, every day for a week. ‘Course last week i only missed that by one day.

      Definitely a good party. i was looking for the Hoff but couldn’t see him in there.

  2. “i would like to thank Miss Demeanor for her constant help, forgiveness, encouragement and understanding.” You betcha, Al. I love how this is a creative channel for you. It’s doing a lot of good for you, I think, my Witty Puntastic Man.

    It’s weird to be back after days upon days (okay, so, like, three) of being offline. I guess throw the long weekend with guests in there, and it has been a while since I could read. I have to catch up.

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