Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed View of Michael Jackson’s THIS IS IT

Michael Jackson's This Is It - Movie Poster

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Apparently this Michael Jackson guy did a version of Alien Ant Farm’s “Smooth Criminal”.

[Press ‘Play’ to play the Juiced-box]

Ramblings: Is This It?

Final Proof: 1 Shot

1 shotYou know how you go to a gay bar to see a famous tranny? You’re not really into the show and the mangina is the kind of ass everyone wants to wipe and heshe doesn’t even drink and keeps up this annoying ‘love’ rap all the time, but you find that some of the peeps Ladyboy hangs with are pretty cool and you get along well with them. So you don’t really have a great time because it’s not your scene but the night woulda sucked a lot harder than the pansexual if you hadn’t met the hangers on, right? This Is It is kinda like that.

This movie is all about some guy named Michael Jackson, i think. i can’t say i’m familiar with him but i’m pretty sure there was a lot of talk about him dying recently. ‘Course i might be wrong about that because it seems everywhere i go i see some reference to him. Anyway, this Jackson character is a singer and the kind of dancer that if i danced like him in a club, girls would cry from laughing. He looks like a skeleton with body parts glued on him, you know, like Mr Potato Head’s androgynous cousin Mr Celery Stalk Head.

The best parts of this movie were the parts without him. Like at the beginning they interview these dancers that want to try out for MaryJane’s troupe and some of them were so moved they cried. i really appreciate this kind of sincerity, no matter how misdirected it is, and i coulda hung with these people, no problem.

The real revelation of the movie, though, is a 24-year-old Aussie, Orianthi Panagaris, who rocks on lead guitar. This hot blonde is even hotter on the axe, playing the Eddy Van Halen solo form “Beat It” with ease. She started acoustic guitar at 6, electric at 11 and left school four years later to concentrate on her music. Since then she has jammed live with Carlos Santana, played at Eric Clapton’s Crossroads Guitar Festival and opened for Steve Vai at…15. Here’s a shot of her from her MySpace page:

With Steve Vai at 19

Jamming With Steve Vai At 19

Don’t see the movie for the concert that never happens, don’t watch it to see how far people will go to humiliate themselves for a frilly toothpick in drag, don’t see it for the pictures of some random little black boy they flash on screen from time to time… If you must see the movie, see it for the two minutes of Orianthi on stage.

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: 2½ Shots

2 & 1-2 shots

2½ shots and it’s all Orianthi. i easily could’ve gone higher here but her screen time is too limited, her solos cut too short and her interview is less than a minute long. What’s up with that?

Before you go any further, you gotta listen to this track off Orianthi’s latest solo album, Believe.

[Press ‘Play’ to rock your world]

Here are some shots of the prodigy:

Orianthi

Orianthi

Orianthi

Orianthi

Orianthi

Orianthi

In case you don’t believe a young lady this attractive can be that talented, i offer up a guitar instrumental from Believe.

[Press it to Play]

Apart from Orianthi, there was one single solitary dancer that stood out from the crowd. The rest of the dancers were all men. i have a feeling this Michael character prefers it that way.

Here’s Tyne Stecklein:

Tyne Stecklein

Hold Me Closer Tyne Dancer

The only other sex in the film was this one scene that cracked Miss Demeanor and me up. Apparently the Queen of Pop was trying out some weird new position because he was prancing around stage complaining that his “auditory ears” had to “adjust” to the fist that was pumping into his earholes. Hey, i couldn’t print it if it weren’t true.

A Smoke

Drink: 0 shots

At first i thought there wasn’t anything alcohol related in the film, then i remembered hearing something about the Mike dude pouring wine in cola cans and calling it “Jesus Juice” before he gave it to the little boys he was putting to bed. Don’t know if this is true or not, but while i don’t condone serving alcohol to kids or putting them to bed, i have no problem with people calling wine “Jesus Juice”. i’m open minded like that.

A Smoke

Rock & Roll: ½ Shot

1-2 shot

Orianthi rocks and rocks hard.

Everything else is just noise.

Boring Technical Crap

Directed by: Kenny Ortega

Starring

Orianthi – Herself (Lead Guitar)

Micheal Michael Jefferson The Jeffersons Michael Jordan or Jackson or Something

Bottom Line

Don’t see it. See Orianthi.