Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed View of Michael Jackson’s THIS IS IT

Michael Jackson's This Is It - Movie Poster

[Click here for a guide to Booze Revooze and the rating system used]

Apparently this Michael Jackson guy did a version of Alien Ant Farm’s “Smooth Criminal”.

[Press ‘Play’ to play the Juiced-box]

Ramblings: Is This It?

Final Proof: 1 Shot

1 shotYou know how you go to a gay bar to see a famous tranny? You’re not really into the show and the mangina is the kind of ass everyone wants to wipe and heshe doesn’t even drink and keeps up this annoying ‘love’ rap all the time, but you find that some of the peeps Ladyboy hangs with are pretty cool and you get along well with them. So you don’t really have a great time because it’s not your scene but the night woulda sucked a lot harder than the pansexual if you hadn’t met the hangers on, right? This Is It is kinda like that.

This movie is all about some guy named Michael Jackson, i think. i can’t say i’m familiar with him but i’m pretty sure there was a lot of talk about him dying recently. ‘Course i might be wrong about that because it seems everywhere i go i see some reference to him. Anyway, this Jackson character is a singer and the kind of dancer that if i danced like him in a club, girls would cry from laughing. He looks like a skeleton with body parts glued on him, you know, like Mr Potato Head’s androgynous cousin Mr Celery Stalk Head.

The best parts of this movie were the parts without him. Like at the beginning they interview these dancers that want to try out for MaryJane’s troupe and some of them were so moved they cried. i really appreciate this kind of sincerity, no matter how misdirected it is, and i coulda hung with these people, no problem.

The real revelation of the movie, though, is a 24-year-old Aussie, Orianthi Panagaris, who rocks on lead guitar. This hot blonde is even hotter on the axe, playing the Eddy Van Halen solo form “Beat It” with ease. She started acoustic guitar at 6, electric at 11 and left school four years later to concentrate on her music. Since then she has jammed live with Carlos Santana, played at Eric Clapton’s Crossroads Guitar Festival and opened for Steve Vai at…15. Here’s a shot of her from her MySpace page:

With Steve Vai at 19

Jamming With Steve Vai At 19

Don’t see the movie for the concert that never happens, don’t watch it to see how far people will go to humiliate themselves for a frilly toothpick in drag, don’t see it for the pictures of some random little black boy they flash on screen from time to time… If you must see the movie, see it for the two minutes of Orianthi on stage.

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: 2½ Shots

2 & 1-2 shots

2½ shots and it’s all Orianthi. i easily could’ve gone higher here but her screen time is too limited, her solos cut too short and her interview is less than a minute long. What’s up with that?

Before you go any further, you gotta listen to this track off Orianthi’s latest solo album, Believe.

[Press ‘Play’ to rock your world]

Here are some shots of the prodigy:

Orianthi

Orianthi

Orianthi

Orianthi

Orianthi

Orianthi

In case you don’t believe a young lady this attractive can be that talented, i offer up a guitar instrumental from Believe.

[Press it to Play]

Apart from Orianthi, there was one single solitary dancer that stood out from the crowd. The rest of the dancers were all men. i have a feeling this Michael character prefers it that way.

Here’s Tyne Stecklein:

Tyne Stecklein

Hold Me Closer Tyne Dancer

The only other sex in the film was this one scene that cracked Miss Demeanor and me up. Apparently the Queen of Pop was trying out some weird new position because he was prancing around stage complaining that his “auditory ears” had to “adjust” to the fist that was pumping into his earholes. Hey, i couldn’t print it if it weren’t true.

A Smoke

Drink: 0 shots

At first i thought there wasn’t anything alcohol related in the film, then i remembered hearing something about the Mike dude pouring wine in cola cans and calling it “Jesus Juice” before he gave it to the little boys he was putting to bed. Don’t know if this is true or not, but while i don’t condone serving alcohol to kids or putting them to bed, i have no problem with people calling wine “Jesus Juice”. i’m open minded like that.

A Smoke

Rock & Roll: ½ Shot

1-2 shot

Orianthi rocks and rocks hard.

Everything else is just noise.

Boring Technical Crap

Directed by: Kenny Ortega

Starring

Orianthi – Herself (Lead Guitar)

Micheal Michael Jefferson The Jeffersons Michael Jordan or Jackson or Something

Bottom Line

Don’t see it. See Orianthi.

14 thoughts on “Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed View of Michael Jackson’s THIS IS IT

  1. I agree whole-heartedly about Orianthi.

    I disagree about MJ. I think you needed to see it with the kiddo. That wouldn’t melted that cold, cold heart. 😛

    • i’d be afraid to see it with any of my kids. Wouldn’t want any molestation from beyond the grave…

      i did see it with Miss Demeanor, however, and i have to admit my disdain stroked her the wrong way.

      Al K Hall

  2. LOL @ “i did see it with Miss Demeanor, however, and i have to admit my disdain stroked her the wrong way.”

    Now I have this going thru my head:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLHc-yIAPbg (embedding disabled by request).

    I kept thinking of Pocket Full of Shells and her kiddo with this movie. When Smooth Criminal came out, all I could think of was her boy child dressed up like that for Halloween, and also her cell ring-back, or whatever you call that. 😀

    Some stuff about it was appalling, like the major ass-kissing. So annoying. I am in no way a huge MJ fan, but after seeing this film I respect his great power as a musical artist and star. I was also impressed by his clear vocals (at 50!) and great dance moves (at 50!). Such a great, great talent.

    Also, I realized how very many of his songs were the backdrop, the soundtrack to my life growing up. I found myself wanting to sing along to pretty much every song.

    I was absolutely touched by the sincerity and passion of his fans and the participants in what was to be his last concert.

    I think he was a really complicated person, but based on this movie, I also think that he had a heart that was in the right place.

    As for Orianthi, she really is incredible, MJ clearly noted her talent as she was asked to perform with him, and I hope that she stays straight and goes far!

  3. While not a MJ fan, you’ve gotta admit, for a 50 yr old guy with severe sleep disorders going on, he puts out a hell of a lot of energy.

  4. I love Orianthi’s songs they are so good especially according to you!!

    My dad loves MJ, i’m not a big fan but he is so talented and for his age i reckon you wouldn’t be able to do that. I don’t see why you had to bag him out that much. He didn’t make the movie and it was meant to be on him so you don’t even know what your saying. People like you are the reason he died so do us a favor and back off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🙂

    • Hmmm,

      If you think this through logically, your dad is the reason Michael Jackson died, not me. He caved under the pressure put on him by his fans and ‘the business’; people who didn’t buy his records left him alone to do whatever he wanted (as long as it didn’t involve little kids—you know me: high tolerance for booze, zero tolerance for pedophilia). 🙂

      As always, thanks for patronizing me,

      Al K Hall

  5. This was so pointless to read. You’re obviously trying to hard to make yourself seem funny. Making fun of the most talented person ever, made you seem like a complete douchelord. There was also another female dancer not just Tyne. The other female dancer was Mekia Cox. You’re probably just the type of person that doesn’t appreciate real talent.

    • Raquel,

      Thank you so much for taking the time to read the entire post and go through all the required steps to leave a comment on such a pointless read.

      You were especially kind TOO promote me TWO “douchelord”, TO! i used to just be a douchebag, and look at me now.

      See, apparently i forgot Michael Jackson was the most talented person EVER. i was distracted by less talented people like Shakespeare, Picasso, Rodin, and Jesus. Then i remembered the stirring lyrics to “Beat It”:

      Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it
      No one wants to be defeated
      Showin’ how funky and strong is your fight
      It doesn’t matter who’s wrong or right
      Just beat it, beat it
      Just beat it, beat it
      Just beat it, beat it
      Just beat it, beat it

      Thank you so much, Raquel, for pointing out my unforgivable error in judgement… Apparently you’re right, i just don’t know real talent. Thank god you’re here to remind me.

      Thanks for patronizing me,

      Al K Hall

  6. Raquel, you’re a douche. MJ was talented, but so was Shakespeare, Picasso, Rodin, and Jesus, like Al K Hall mentioned.

    • Amy!

      What a sweetheart! Thanks for stopping by and getting my back. i’d also like to thank you for refraining from insults (for the most part–lol). The Bar None is a No Hating Zone where all are welcome and free to express their opinions and you’re so cool for respecting that.

      No Hating

      As always, thanks for patronizing me,

      Al K Hall

  7. No problem. People are just so annoying when they can’t respect other people’s opinions. I’m a huge fan of MJ. And some people just have different opinions and I respect that. And as for Raquel, I think she got the word “douchelord” from Keeping up with the Kardashians. Very original.

    • Thanks for the return visit, Amy! If there’s one thing The Bar None needs, it’s more frequent visits from classy young ladies like yourself.

      Stay Sweet, Sister, and thanks for patronizing me,

      Al K Hall

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