Oct 12: Drunk Man Arrested: Flirts With Nurse Delivering His Baby, Misses Birth of 1st Child. i love this kind of story because i can honestly say i’ve never gone this far. People like this guy make me feel normal.
Adam Manning, 30 years old, showed up at the hospital with his pregnant wife/girlfriend (the web has both) and started eying the nurse wheeling the mother of his child. Apparently he liked what he saw because he told the nurse how attractive she was, started tickling her neck and then grabbed her breast with his significant other right there in the wheelchair. His first child, a son, was born without Adam, who had been arrested by the Ogden (Utah) police. A drink to Adam for being able to get drunk in Utah to begin with.
Coming Up: Mischa Barton Bar Fight
Nov 3: Drunk Jockeys Ruin Mayan Horse Race Guatemalans gathered in handfuls in Todos Santos Cuchumatan (sounds like something you say when barfing, doesn’t it? “CCUUUUUUUUUchum-um-umaTTTAAAANNNN”) to witness a traditional Mayan horse race, where riders go back and forth along a 330-foot stretch of road for seven hours. Unfortunately, things turned ugly because many of the jockeys were wasted on the moonshine they’d started pounding days before the contest. Apparently no one told them the ancient Mayans didn’t intend the race to be a drinking game (“What? This isn’t called ‘Quarters Horses’?”). At least two riders fell off their mounts; one was trampled and carried out of the mud by the crowd, another was seen stumbling off the track all bloodied. But hey, wouldn’t you get as drunk as possible whenever possible if your ancestors told you the world was going to end in two years?
Nov 4: Underage Man in Breathalyzer Suit Busted for DUI. On Halloween evening in Oxford, Ohio, 20-year-old James P Miller decided to drive the wrong way down a one-way street with his headlights off. An even worse idea was doing this while wearing a Breathalyzer costume. And holding an open beer. With more in the trunk. He was busted for:
- Operating a motor vehicle while intoxicated
- Underage possession of alcohol
- Having an open container of alcohol
- Possessing a fake i.d.
- Driving the wrong way on a one-way street
- Being a rocket scientist (yeah, not really)
He blew a 0.158, nearly twice the legal limit of 0.08. (Click here to see the BAC scale.) My question is, did the police make him blow himself?
Nov. 6: Drunk Driver Calls 911 For Stolen Weed Remember the woman who called 911 to report herself as a drunk driver? Calvin Hoover (21-years-old) did her one better. He called 9-1-1 in Salem, Oregon to report that, while he was in a bar, someone broke into his pickup and stole $400, a jacket and $180 worth of marijuana. Police tried to track him down but couldn’t. Fortunately, he called back and asked what the F was up, complaining that the deputies had not arrived. Apparently it was difficult to understand him because he was driving and puking simultaneously. (i bet he was just saying ”Cuchumatan”.) The cops finally tracked him down and arrested him for DWI. The good news was, because he didn’t have his weed, he couldn’t be busted for possession.
You think that’s funny? Take a look at this comment posted on the newspaper site i linked in the headline:
“i just dont know what to say here, this is too funny! ex-oregon, been around the stuff with those who smoke, here, around with those who smoke. i must be weird, its the only explaination they give me for hanging around me. . . ok? used to it. i dont smoke the stuff, never have, not my thing to find my area? love my beer though! in this heat, ya gotta find a mellow balance, an pass a pis# test, shucks! this guy is a insult to the true beer culture, dont let this goof stop ya from a cold one every once in awhile. good beer, with freinds, after a rough day, can cure all. cold beer after a rough day for you, an spouse, can give folks ability to vent, an after, get along an have a good time! a choice of drug depends on person, think about it? coffee, vitamins, food types, its all about us! this guy only needs his ##s kicked till tomorrow. abuse comes in substance, human, an thought. i love my doctor, but she still wont give ma a brain transplant, i just want to change my mind, thats all!”
That’s me for you, always going the extra mile to bring you the behind the scenes story.
No, i haven’t forgotten about the Mischa Barton Bar Fight!
Nov 3: i Wanna Party With Kiefer Sutherland (And TMZ Says So Too) Keifer Sutherland took fellow cast members of 24 out for a drink, at 7 in the morning. Generous soul that he is, he paid the $500 tab himself and left a $200 tip. The party wrapped up at 1pm. The thing that gets me is that he was drinking with 30 people and the tab only comes to $17 per person after drinking for 6 hours. Either The Spot is a super cheap bar or the other members of 24 don’t know how to drink like Kiefer. Anyway, the next time Kiefer’s in The Bar None, i’ll give him the runs for his money.
Oct 31: A Drunk Hugh Grant Gets Shot Down Things didn’t work out so well for Hugh Grant Halloween weekend. He was photographed at the Standard Hotel in New York, drunk off his barstool. He was hitting on this cute Israeli model, Matar Cohen, who dropped him like a cheap drink because he was too old (he’s 49, she’s 23). Has he forgotten that the best way to get a sure connection is to pay for it? [Thanks to Miss Demeanor for bringing this to my attention. MWAH]
We Wanna Party Like the HOFF Parties
Two, count ‘m TWO stories about the Bar None’s Patron Deity this past week. (He must be slowing down in his old age.)
Nov 4: Pissed-Hoff A Loser If you’re gonna drink and gamble, it’s best to do it in Canada. At least that’s what Play-Hoffs decided. Seems he went to the Cascade Casino in British Columbia and got in a fight with an old person (there’s one fight he knows he can win). Security was called and three guards escorted him off the premises. He was seen drinking again seven hours later.
Nov 5: Ich Ben Ein Boozer The above bender apparently continued, because the very next day and on a completely different continent, the Hoff was visibly buzzed while making a speech to Germans at The European Music Awards.
[The mugshot is from a December 2007 DUI bust in West Hollywood.]
Mischa was at this NYC bar called the Park Bar (and the Park Bar people are bumming that i already got the name The Bar None) looking hot because that’s what she does best. Then this guy comes up and throws his drink on her, and doesn’t even lick it off her afterwards! Apparently it was payback because Mischa had stepped on his toes while coming back from the bar. So she throws her drink at him! Auuggghhh! Alcohol abuse at its worst! And then one of Mischa’s friends whips out his cocktail weenie and waggles it at the guy. Yeah, that would scare me, too. So the guys go outside to fight and apparently the guy who started it all lost. If you ask me, though, the real losers are these people who go around casually dumping their alcohol when there are people sober in India. The only throwing you should do with alcohol is up.
Here’s what i mean about Mischa looking good because she has to: