Chances Are You Are Not Reading This Post

Let’s play a game…

Image Google any/all of the following:

What do certain pictures on the first line of the first page have in common? Do you see it?

[Answer: On the first line of the top page, beneath at least one image you’ll read: Yes, that is the street url of The Bar None.]

Today i broke the 500 page view mark for the first time, and i broke it handily. [Right now i’m at 575 and there are still 2 hours left…i may go right through 600.]

Obviously, the reason for my sudden success is found in the game we just played. Gazillion of drunk guys are coming here. At least they’re drunk, right? And i thank them for patronizing me with all of the usual fervor i give the regulars here. Thank you for choosing my humble hole in the wall to look around. Come back anytime.

So now i’m famous and getting tons of page hits just because i brought some hotties into the Bar None. What am i going to do with my newfound celebrityhoodness? Am i going to continue looking up photos you could find yourself with five minutes and a firm grasp on your mouse? Am i gonna hang girlie posters in every corner of every post just to get a rise out of my hit box?

You betcha.

Nah, just kidding. This blog isn’t about trying to be popular. The Bar None is where the kids who were never popular come to be themselves. A Community of Exiles. The Land of the Banished. As Philip Seymour Hoffman’s character, Lester Bangs, says in Cameron Crowe’s Almost Famous: “The only currency in this bankrupt world is what you tell someone else when you’re uncool.”

i feel kinda like the kid who’s suddenly popular because he brought his uncle’s Playboy to school. Or the slow guy at the bar everybody likes because his sister is a hot stripper.

And you know what? i’m ok with that. At least the people are coming.  Hopefully, one or two of them will stumble upon another post after they stumble upon Megan Fox’s boobs. Of the 584 hits i’ve received now, maybe one or two of you will click on About: The Bar None or The Bar None Archives and look up a post that sounds intriguing. And maybe you’ll leave a comment and the next time you come back, you’ll find more titties but you’ll also see what else we have on tap.

Either way, thank you for coming.

8 thoughts on “Chances Are You Are Not Reading This Post

  1. Oh, hold on to your hat, lol. I know. I have been comment queen here of late, the blommenteer, because as always, your posts give me something to say. I have thought about trying not to comment, and realize that is just NOT gonna happen. I have to. I’m hooked on it. Always have been. You make me blomment and gush all over, baby, and wild horses could not drag me away. 🙂

    “This blog isn’t about trying to be popular. The Bar None is where the kids who were never popular come to be themselves. A Community of Exiles. The Land of the Banished.”

    I like this, Al, if you really mean it. I mean, I am pretty damn sure you mean it, but I wanna know that this is really Al saying this, because the Al I think I know I think would just keep posting the pictures, you know, like this here:

    “Am i gonna hang girlie posters in every corner of every post just to get a rise out of my hit box?

    You betcha.”

    BUT, if that is REALLY Al being sincere about this is a place for the Uncool, then maybe I really fit in a lot more at the Bar None than I have felt of late.

    I have been feeling like Al just likes the pretty girls, wants to show off a little bit (like the kid with the uncle’s Playboy), and is into to being cool. Too cool for school. Al’s wit *is* super-cool, IMHO. Al is so wry and so funny!! Sure, his sphere of what he can call funny is a lot bigger than mine, and so I have trouble finding the funny with some posts (and also because I live with Al and have a special behind-the-scenes look at what else there is besides the persona of Al). But I have felt like this blog is a bit of the clique into which I don’t fit because I don’t drink (anymore), I don’t smoke (anymore), and while I still swear and have great tits, I wonder if Miss Demeanor has a place in Al’s World here.

    I feel like the girl in the bar who is outcast because she cannot any longer engage in the outcast behavior (lol — a sort of double jeopardy, in a way). Remember the kids in the smoking lounge of high school, back in the days when high schools remarkably had smoking lounges? I feel like the girl who had been hanging out with them, but then had something bad happen to her and she had to go away from school a little while. Now she’s back, but clean — substance-free — and trying to hold that together, while all her old friends still hang in the smoking lounge. Some days she feels too tainted even to even hang out there, much less with the average kids, nevermind the cheerleaders. Like, all those cool outcast rebel kids are there smoking and drinking but she sits, with a hoodie and dark eyeliner, à la Ally Sheedy in the Breakfast Club, and wonders if she even has a place in the entire high school. Part of her wants to warn them of some of the bad things that can happen if they drink and smoke, but the other part of her does not want to be called a nag or a party pooper, and so she shuts up and feels frustrated, not wanting others to experience what she has, but not wanting to be the one that gets made fun of or rejected because she does not have their kind of fun anymore. Also they are her friends, and she still loves them, wants to know them, and hang out with them.

    I’ve never fit with the cool girls, with the cheerleaders, so I tried the whole rebel girl thing but then that did not work out so well. I got burned. I thought maybe the outcasts and rebels in the smoking lounge would still accept me, and I think they do to a point, but then when they start talking about their parties and their escapades and out of politeness ask me if I want to go along with it, I can’t. I can’t enjoy their party, and so on they go enjoying things that really only can be enjoyed when you are messed up.

    Thing is, even though I am now sober and smoke-free, I don’t really fit with the kids that are clean-cut, either, you know? I’m still tainted, I feel. Still outcast.

    It feels lonely, like everyone else has found their place except me.

    If that is not a definition of an outcast amongst outcasts, I don’t know what is.

    So Al, how do people like me fit into the Bar None? You’ve invited us and said that the Bar None is the place “where the kids who were never popular come to be themselves.” Thing is, now I don’t even feel accepted by the unacceptables, I feel unpopular amongst the unpopular.

    I want to feel like I have a place. The Bar None is not always my kind of place. Al is not always my kind of guy in that what he thinks is cool and funny, I don’t always think is cool and funny. But I am his Miss D and if I can’t fit in here, where else can I go? I am totally the fallen angel, the one with the busted up wings. I first fell as an angel and got tainted, and then with that dirtiness, I got even dirtier. It’s like being a *doubly* fallen angel, make sense? I *know* Al has a soft spot for them!! I also know that those kinds of chicks are especially sensitive and have a hard time when they feel even more rejected than they already feel as a fallen angel. Sometimes the Bar None feels like that kind of a place because it is also about the party, the party some of us gathered here cannot participate in, for one reason or another.

    If this blog is not just about trying to be popular and is not just a place for Al to show of his skilz in writing and being funny, then what is it? What is this place to be, and do I have a place in it? I want Al and Miss D to stay tight, she wants to be liked and loved by him, even amongst the silken butterflies and the chicks who roll cigarettes and say “fuck” in just that special way.

    But she feels like the person in the bar that needs to sit in the dark corner, simply observing — like in a comedy club where Al is now on stage, and she is just a member of the audience, looking on sober while he makes joke after joke about drinking, sex, and rock and roll. Some of it she can laugh at. Some if it makes her want to cry. Some of it makes her want to leave and never come back. But come back she does because at the heart of it, she cannot stop loving Al. Ever.

    I know what the Bar None gives to Al, and what good things it gives to Al, it gives to Miss D, too. But I just want to know if I can fit in somehow as an outcast amongst outcasts, here in this place.

    • I was on a jury once and the defendant was a nam vet who just didn’t fit in with society anymore. He chose to live in the “wild” and did odd jobs for alcohol money. The only other place he was close to social was in bars. Well in the three years before his trial he had cleaned up and was substance free, but he still only felt comfortable in bars, so there he would play pool, have a meal, see live entertainment and socialize with those who came to drink.

      No one will ever know forr sure if he was guilty of what he was accused of because it was based on what was said in spanish and none of the arresting officers knew spanish (should never have come to trial, but such is the arrogance of the law sometimes).

      Anyway, pretty, smart and fun will always be accepted by any barflies.

      • Thank you so much for this reply, my brother.

        What you said here echoes my comments to Miss D in real life and so it relieved me to know i’m not the only one who thinks like i do.

        Al K Hall


    i haven’t commented on what Miss Demeanor wrote above because we’ve been having reagular, in depth talks about her feelings and this entire blog since i posted “Reasons i Drink #4′. We’ve set aside a window of at least an hour every night where neither of us look at a screen and we talk out things that are bugging each of us.

    i’m only sharing this with y’all because i don’t want you to think i’m blowing her off and because part of being a functional alcoholic is being able to maintain a healthy relationship with a good woman…

    Al K Hall

  3. Thanks you guys — for what Ken said and you up there, too, Al.

    I loved the story about the Vet in the bar. Yeah, I guess one can find sober people there, too!

    And thank you both for the props about being a pretty, smart, fun and good woman. Sometimes that is a thing I do not realize much for myself, but if I think about it, yeah, it is true. Maybe part of my being nice and fun is that I *don’t* really realize I am so pretty, smart and fun, lol. I don’t have to think about it. I am glad for that.

    And yes, I think it is that Al and I need to spend time figuring out how Miss D and Al fit with her being Mostly T and his being FASe. It does feel a bit like Felix and Oscar (“The Odd Couple” — Wiki it, all you yunguns out there that have no idea what I am talking about) sometimes.

    I am glad this blog exists, though, for the irony of it is, it seems that Al actually drinks *less* when he is writing it! That’s a good thing. It has given him some focus and purpose, and those are good things to have in life. I have my own stuff going on, too, not just expecting Al to be my end all and be all, for certain. But, this does take time, and there needs to be a balance with it all, too.

    Here’s a toast to Al and Miss D making sure all are happy in the Bar None!

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