Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed Review of CAPITALISM: A LOVE STORY

[Click here for a guide to Booze Revooze and the rating system used]

On the juiced-box and the rock that breaks open the movie: Iggy Pop – Louie, Louie

[Kick ‘Play’ to kick out the jams]

Ramblings: Capitalism: A ‘Like You A Lot’ Story

Final Proof:3 Shots

Have you ever drunk with a true believer. Doesn’t have to be a religious guy, even if they’re fun to make fun of and make you feel better about your intellect in debates. Nah, i’m talking about  anyone who truly believes anything down to his freaking core. It’s a touchy call because sometimes you get the obnoxious kind who starts yelling from the get-go and is so far up in your face that his beer spittle showers your stash and lashes. Go ahead and try to inject a counter argument and you’ll get more than spit because he’ll throw his entire drink all over you and then you have to charge him with alcohol abuse. The other kind of believer still showers you with his spit but at least he’ll laugh while he does it. He won’t listen to your arguments any more than the first kind but at least he’ll smile and nod as he ignores you. And it’s not because his arguments are one-sided and his world view is blind-sided that he doesn’t have a couple good points to make. Capitalism: A Love Story (and Michael Moore) are kinda like this second guy.

Look, i gotta apologize right off the bat here because i’m not gonna get on a bar stool and get all polar-assed about Michael Moore. i know i’m supposed to say he’s either the savior of the human race or the devil incarnate and, truth be told, this review would be a helluva lot funnier if i felt Moore strongly. The problem is, i think he’s a talented film maker who has a lot on his mind and sometimes i get what he says and sometimes i just couldn’t be bothered to care. So he’s pretty much like anyone else at the Bar None, myself included. You know you’re getting old when you just walk off the battlefield and start telling all the warriors they should take a pill.

The movie starts off kicking with Iggy Pop singing his cover of “Louie, Louie” to security camera videos of various people robbing various banks. After that, though, steps get a little uneven. Moore pulls out the sad puppies with their drooping eyes and a couple of little chicks that have been stepped on and i may have guy cried a little but that was only with one eye—the other one saw exactly how i was being manipulated.

Still, things got better in the second half as he explained crap like the government bailout of Wall Street in terms so clearly even we alkies could get it. And there was this hilarious video about Cleveland. [Update: My bad, while the video i’ve linked is funny, it isn’t the one shown in the Michael Moore movie. That one isn’t on YouTube, it’s here. “We’re Not Detroit!”]

Tell you what, though, the state of the States scared the schlitz out of me a lot more than Saw VI did. The flick made me glad i live in Yeman, yo.

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: ½ Shot

People, it’s a documentary. There are no beautiful chicklettes here ’cause they’re all real. Sure, Audra, the twenty-something daughter who points the video camera at herself as the police are evicting her family didn’t seem too bad, but we only get a fleeting glimpse. Then there’s the cute 24-year-old first-officer who died in a plane crash while bitching with the pilot about their salaries. [Sorry, i’m a little too sober to post pictures of a dead girl in the Sex Section tonight. Better luck next round.] Other than that, however, there was no official talent.

Which is why this freaked me out: go to the imdb page of Capitalism… and look at the first name that’s there. Thora Birch!?!? Who the hell knew she was in the movie? i was even sober for this one and i couldn’t remember her being in this. So i asked Miss Demeanor, who couldn’t remember seeing her either. Tell you what, i’m prepared to give anyone out there free drinks for life in the Bar None if you can tell me what exactly it is that Thora does in Capitalism

On the bright side, i get to use this as an excuse to post Thora Birch pictures, so everyone wins.

Thora At The Bar None In Her Pajamas

A Smoke

Drink: 0 Shots

A Smoke

Rock & Roll: 1 Shot

There’s the Iggy Pop song at the top, plus there’s also a little “O Fortuna”. Even if every buddy uses this, it’s still a killer song. i chose the Therion version for this post.

Other than that Capitalism is rock free.

There is this cool song from the trailer, M.I.A. – Paper Planes, but it isn’t rock.

M.I.A. – Paper Planes

Boring Technical Crap

Written by: Michael Moore

Directed by: Michael Moore

Starring

Thora Birch !?!?

Bottom Line

You can’t afford not to see it.