Reiki: A Hands On Experience

Al K Hall ('s body double) Learns About Reiki

From the juiced-box:

[Press ‘Play’ to feel it]


A ‘gathering’ is a party without alcohol. Miss Demeanor took me to a gathering the other day…

A group of people got together to ‘hand’ out free samples of Reiki (pronounced ray-key, as in ‘Ray-key up before you go-go”.) This is the practice of healing people spiritually, mentally/psychologically, and physically through touch.


It started in India a long time ago.

Later, it was rediscovered in Japan.

That’s enough history for now.

Alcohol vs Reiki

Miss D and i get to the place and this sober drummer (which, apparently, is not oxymoronic) showed us into a small room where we were shown a video.

If it had been a real party, there would’ve been a drink in my hand before i sat down and instead of YouTube, we would’ve had Disturbed.

Then, the guy led me to a dimly lit room where a crowd of people stood around a massage table. Have you ever seen Rosemary’s Baby? You know the scene where Satan rapes Mia Farrow? It was kinda like that without the nudity.

I had to lie down on the table and everyone put their hands all over my body except for the fun parts. New Age Yanni-type music played and whenever a bell chimed, they moved their hands to a different place but still avoiding the good bits. Basically, it was a Thai massage with no massage and no happy ending.

Had it been a real party, there would’ve been less clothing, nicer touching and some kissing if you’re lucky. And either Sick Puppies or Tom Waits after Disturbed—New Age is the new Old Age.

i’m Just Sayin’

i had a bad case of blue balls when i got there and i must admit they were less blue (redder?) when i left even if, as i said, no one came even remotely close to polishing my family jewels off. Still, i can’t see Reiki ever replacing the good ole 6-pack and a handjob.