Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed Review of ZOMBIELAND

[Click here for a guide to Booze Revooze and the rating system used]

From the movie and the juiced-box: Metallica – For Whom The Bell Tolls:

[Press ‘Play’ to rock your world.]

Ramblings: Nutting Up

Final Proof: 4 Shots

You know how the best parties are the parties that start off out of control and stumble uphill from there? Those no-holes-barred affairs that are insane from the get go and get going harder at the drop of a glass? These parties are a series of successful accidents that barrel balls-out like a drunk falling off the edge of the world, all the way down to heaven.  Sure, maybe there’s a slow moment while you get refills and catch your breath, but then it’s back to hardcore intensity that no one tries to hand because they’re so out of hand. That’s what Zombieland is like.

Zombieland is a Maximator—Dutch beer with 11.6% alcohol. Maximator has bad taste, doesn’t give a rat’s ass what you think of its quality and will take you right where you want to go without hesitation. Kickass fun, it’s a drink you drink to get wasted as fast as you can, nothing more, nothing less. It knows what it is, doesn’t pretend to be anything else and won’t let you down when you need it. Much like Zombieland.

The definition of a good movie is that the film achieves what it sets out to do. Zombieland is a great movie.

The action is cool, the violence is gory, the dialog is funny… There are a couple weak points, however. Things get a little slow after Bill Murray’s cameo (his appearance is one of the high points of the movie). The kid who has the lead (Jesse Eisenberg) is out of his league here, especially ’cause Woody Harrelson shines like he hasn’t in a long time and Abigial Breslin (the Sunshine in Little Miss Sunshine) rocks her role. i almost docked Zombieland half a shot because of how amateurish Eisenberg was, but i’m feeling generous today.

Besides, i haven’t had this much fun in a movie in a long time, and that’s gotta count for something.

Before i get carried away, i’m gonna hafta card Abigail Breslin here. She kicks it as the youngest non-zombie, but at 12 years old, she’s not allowed past this point.

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: 2 Shots

The first glimpse we get is a stripper zombie running topless in slow-mo with her tassels swinging hypnotically.

After that, while there is no nudity, we meet 406 (Amber Heard—23) who is very hot, especially before she turns:

i Heard THAT!

Rounding out the Talent part of our blog is Emma Stone (21) as “Wichita”.

Home Sweet Stone

A Smoke

Drink: 2 Shots

A couple of drink references…

The first one is Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson) taking shots from a fifth while driving. He pours a shot for Colombus (Jesse Eisenberg), who tosses it out of the truck window and only pretends to drink it.

Wichita (Emma Stone) and Columbus (Eisenberg) find a bottle of 1997 Georges de la Tour in Bill Murray’s palace and reminisce about ‘the old days’ before they drink it.

Finally, Tallahassee (Harrelson) wears a beer hat. You know, a construction worker’s helmet with a can holder attached to each side and plastic tubing leading from the cans to your mouth. Later on, Little Rock (Abigail Breslin) wears it but substitutes Pepsi for beer. Don’t believe me? Here’s proof:


A Smoke

Rock & Roll: 4½ Shots

The music is so hard core for this movie that i’m giving it a post of it’s own as soon as i figure out how to post multiple songs in one player.

You get a taste of things to come with the Metallica at the top of the post. Apart from that, the ‘tude of the film is harder than even the music.

We are talking about, perhaps, the Rock and Roll film of the year here, people.

Boring Technical Crap

Written by: Rhett Reese & Paul Wernick

Directed by: Ruben Fleischer

Starring

Amber Heard – 406

Abigail Breslin – Little Rock

Emma Stone – Wichita

Woody Harrelson – Tallahassee

Bill Murray – Bill Murray

Bottom Line

Definitely see it.

16 thoughts on “Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed Review of ZOMBIELAND

  1. Miss D <3's this movie. 😀

    For me, it was not a Maximator: it was like getting to eat a virtual Twinkie when you are a gluten-free girl and have not had such in a while. This movie was a Twinkie all the way (in the good kind of way, like Woody's character talks about in the movie). For me, this movie reminds me life can be fun without booze and when you can't eat the popcorn at the movies.

    One device at the beginning of the movie which I liked were The Rules. I thought this was a creative part of this film, too, and I liked it a lot.

    Also, I was so damn excited to see Bill Murray in this one! His role was wonderful! After seeing him in a lot of serious and semi-serious roles in the past couple of years, to see him play silly, to play the comedian, was a pure treat. And also especially after seeing him in Jarmusch's The Limits of Control, lol. (He was kind of funny there, too, but differently. It was not a funny movie, though.)

    I liked Jesse Eisenberg in his role and I thought he did a pretty good job of playing geek kid who makes it in Zombieland. Just providing the counterpart to your not liking him as much.

    I wish I could have been an extra in this movie! 🙂

    • I had some housemates who were in the movie Humanoids From The Deep. They’re in the Carny scene where the creatures show up. Like most low-budgets, they did a lot with a little, so the croud was just a few people who kept running back and forth past the front of the camera. My ex-housies run past two or three times.

  2. I believe that people lose the souls and become zombies for what kind of person that they are. And I believe that they lose their souls as Christians. Its so weird. And my friend Jill freaked me out about that. She told me that an entire congregation of Christians attacked and terrorized her due to her abusive xhusband that she divorced who was a Pastor of a congregation. And when she told me that, then told me that she was suffering on on a ton of medications for the past 5 years due to those vicious violent monsters for people. She stated that they were as vicious as losing their souls. And she stated that she didn’t care what they thought that she was going to be happy and that he basically could go shit in his hat for being a zombie now. She stated that she want to marry her BILL and be happy. Since it took her so long to find a good man that she was able to trust in some capacity after that bastard of a man. Therefore, as a nurse my mind after that went completely off the chart about people. Are only animals not the ones to be vicious and just be their normal selves on this planet? Because they told me that animals don’t have souls and the is a bunch of crap about that. YUP! I believe animals have souls just like PEOPLE! I see it in their eyes. All species. Therefore, what if humanoids are the spark that started the entire dna process that were sent here from a distant planet such as the evolutionists have studied endlessly since a gazillion years ago? OMG! That would mean that they were right and that ALL of those Monster People for Religious Extremists are COMPLETELY WRONG! And they wanted to blame me for their psychotic adaptations in regard to their ideologies about Faith. Where I have more a brain capacity than all of the individuals that I have discovered even live on this PLANET! I call it the Demon Moron Planet of the Apeshits. Well anyway, what if they do lose their souls, and what they did is that they designed a way to hide the fact that people do lose their souls? And what happens is that when people lose their souls those souls pop in and out of some people and while others they stay inside people because they have no better place to go, such as Jill? And then they decide to do it by using some sort of analytical device now as governments? YEP! LIKE WHACKJOB PSYCHIATRISTS~! I knew that they were funky people, but I had no idea! I start to think about that and I remember one that I was going to when my boyfriend was stalking me several years ago and he told me, “You are the kind of person that people are unable to see black and white. And you need to see the gray in you!” He was a jew. Did he zap me! Did he make me spend about 20 years searching for that grey? That 3rd Eye? OMG! HE DID! THAT MAN ZAPPED ME! I know it. And then I start to think was he like SUPER PSYCHIATRIST OF THE 3rd eye or something? Then I also told him about those 3 educational degree’s didn’t I! OMG! THEY ZAPPED ME TOO! ITS 3 all of the time. Me being able to comprehend all 3 species! ALL LIVING CREATURES! HELLO! THE 3rd EYE! SINCE BIRTH! That means that I AM QUEEN SUPERPOWERCHARGED SUPERIOR LIONESS ULTIMATE MANIPULATOR HELLBITCH RIGHT! Maybe people have been zapping me my entire life and it took COMPLETE OFF THEIR ROCKERS LITERALLY TO MANIFEST THE CHARGED MODE! Something to think about right on your non-common sense PLANET? COMPREHEND? I don’t know if any of you are able to comprehend? Maybe I am the only one that is not a zombie and robot on your planet for PEOPLE! And that JEW KNEW! He was one of the most brilliant psychiatrists on the planet! ITS WEIRD! HE RESCHEDULED HIS ENTIRE LIFE AROUND MY WORK SCHEDULE! WHAT IS UP WITH THAT! He said, “don’t worry honey, they just don’t see the real YOU! and YOU need to see it too!” So he said, “get a video and watch yourself and try to see that part of you!” And so I did. And I WAS ME MY NORMAL SELF! AND I HAD 2 children and ME=3
    Yet again, those 3’s. And I started to think after my whiny xboyfriend stated, “YOU NEED 2 male sluts!” And I said to him, “YOUR RIGHT!” So, I tried to hire 2 and they were all gung ho! And then I said, “O HELL NO NOT THEM YUCK!” And ditched them before they ever got near me. Then I tried something else. And that didn’t work! So, I had 3 pup dogs before they vicious and violently attacked me as MONSTER PEOPLE! And one was raped brutally by these monsters of people entering my home. And the other two were lied about to steal them from me. And before that 1 was murdered where we were 4, and I had a farm inside my home! So, do animals collect souls like some people state they do or do people and then what happens is that they all mingle together and have a party like me and my family always did. Because every time that one of my animals died or whatever it was like a part of me died to. It was so hard giving up the cats when his doctor told me that he was allergic to them. But I caught so much hell after bringing them both to the allergist. And low and behold it was that sperm donors DNA! Where once again he was a BAPTIST CHRISTIAN! YUCK POOEY! So, I am trying not to curse to freak you all out right, BUT what if and just try to comprehend some of what I am discussing here ok, try to help the synapses of your brains get through, HAVE A BEER! MAKE IT 3! CHUCKLE EM’ DOWN! OK! MAKE IT SOME ROLLED DUBBIE TOO! That will mean that your SUPERCHARGED RIGHT? Anyway, what if as a RN I kept watching stuff about your supposed humans and it saw things about you that no one else did? SORT OF LIKE, “HOLY SHIT! SHE’S ABOUT TO BLOW AN ANEURYSM!” Was she a zombie or a robot! FESS UP~! Please don’t throw up with all of the booze and joint I just told you to do! I JUST QUIT NURSING THAT MEANS I CAN TELL YOU more simple minded petty people WHATEVER I WANT! Are you of the lower species in capabiliies like that KING PSYCHIATRIST!? HM? Because then that would mean I have had to deal with you lower forms of life all of my entire life~!

  3. Maybe that KING PSYCHIATRIST WASN’T TELLING ME WHAT HE WAS UP TO! AND he was hiding something like a sneak dog!

  4. HE WAS OLDER THAN A CENTURY AT THE TIME, so I CAN’T ASK HIM. SUMMON HIM UP!

  5. I went from playland, to wonderland, to zombieland, to robotland, and then some I CAN ASK!~ How am I supposed to know everything on your PLANET!

    • i know, right!? i get the coolest readers ever.

      Like you, Walking Dead. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment. Pull up a chair, put your feet on the table and what can i get you to drink?

      Thanks fr patronizing me,

      Al K Hall

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