Ramblings: A Nice Paranormals
Final Proof: 2½ Shots
You know how you go camping with buddies? You leave the attachments behind and cut loose in the woods for a weekend with a cooler of beer, a box of cigars and a case of homo humor so no one thinks you’re gay. You drink beer for breakfast, Jack Black for lunch, vodka at tea time and Southern Comfort with dinner even if you swore you’d never even smell it again after you got sick on it in college but one of the other guys brought it so what the hell, it’s gotta get drunk, right? Then after not eating the fish you forgot to catch (good thing the idiot who brought the Southern Comfort also brought some steaks—turns out he was good for something after all), you sit around a campfire, hitting straight gin because no one thought to bring a non-alcoholic mixer, and swap ghost stories because you’re just that drunk. Oh it starts out innocently enough with some guy (pro’lly Southern Comfort Steak guy) talking about a night he saw weird light hovering over his trailer and before you can say ‘boo’ the rest of the lot is spilling their guts about things the freaked the schlitz out of them. Then one of the buds other than Southern Comfort Steak dude tells a story where the words flow smoother than the gin, his voice shakes like your hand on the bottle and his eyes grow emptier than your glass and you suddenly notice how dark it is beyond the fire. You begin to wonder what else is in the woods. In that instant you’re not scared, but you’re still a little freaked. As soon as he finishes you all try to laugh it off and you go to your tents not really afraid anymore and you sleep the sleep off the drunk without any nightmares and when you wake up it’s all forgotten in the hangover you’re brushing off. Paranormal Activity is kinda like that.
Let’s get real… Paranormal Activity isn’t that scary. It especially isn’t the scariest movie ever made. Hell, if you want to get into comparisons, PA wasn’t even as scary as The Blair Witch Project (which i really liked, btw). What we got here is a good idea, well executed and great marketing. Swear to god, future dweebs in econ are going to be reading textbooks with chapters dedicated to this movie. Which hides but doesn’t change the fact that PA is well put together, builds nicely and has a pair of solid actors.
In a nutshell, what we got here is a good ghost story. Nothing more, nothing less.
Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)
Sex: 0 Shots
No nudity, but we get to see Katie Featherston running around in tank tops. i’m not gonna replay the famous “bra in bed” debate from the comment section of the Pippa Lee post, but there was a lot of that going on here and i was not pleased.
Anyways, here’s Katie:
On to the Silken Butterflies, those sweet, temporal visions that flit across the screen.
First there’s Ashley Palmer, who plays Diane (the other haunted girl who we don’t get to see commit suicide in the final cut). Here’s to hoping we see more of you Ashley:
Also, there was the cute friend Amber, played by the lovely and talented Amber Armstrong. Unfortunately, there are no photos of her anywhere to be found on the Wild Wonderful Web. Amber, babe, if you’re out there, how ’bout hooking us up?
Drink: 0 Shots
Can you believe it? You’d think people who are being jerked around by ghosts would hit the bottle and more than once, am i right? So much for realism…
Rock & Roll: 0 Shots
There’s a heavy metal video on the TV at the beginning of the movie but i’ll be damned if i can find out what it was. ‘Course i’ll be damned anyway, but still…
Boring Technical Crap
Written by: Oren Peli
Directed by: Oren Peli
Katie Featherston – Katie
Ashley Palmer – Diane
Amber Armstrong – Amber
Micah Sloat – Micah
See it if you like ghost stories.