Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed Review of PARANORMAL ACTIVITY

Check Out the Booze Revooze of Paranormal Activity 2 here.

[Click here for a guide to Booze Revooze and the rating system used]

Ramblings: A Nice Paranormals

Final Proof: 2½ Shots

You know how you go camping with buddies? You leave the attachments behind and cut loose in the woods for a weekend with a cooler of beer, a box of cigars and a case of homo humor so no one thinks you’re gay. You drink beer for breakfast, Jack Black for lunch, vodka at tea time and Southern Comfort with dinner even if you swore you’d never even smell it again after you got sick on it in college but one of the other guys brought it so what the hell, it’s gotta get drunk, right? Then after not eating the fish you forgot to catch (good thing the idiot who brought the Southern Comfort also brought some steaks—turns out he was good for something after all), you sit around a campfire, hitting straight gin because no one thought to bring a non-alcoholic mixer, and swap ghost stories because you’re just that drunk. Oh it starts out innocently enough with some guy (pro’lly Southern Comfort Steak guy) talking about a night he saw weird light hovering over his trailer and before you can say ‘boo’ the rest of the lot is spilling their guts about things the freaked the schlitz out of them. Then one of the buds other than Southern Comfort Steak dude tells a story where the words flow smoother than the gin, his voice shakes like your hand on the bottle and his eyes grow emptier than your glass and you suddenly notice how dark it is beyond the fire. You begin to wonder what else is in the woods. In that instant you’re not scared, but you’re still a little freaked. As soon as he finishes you all try to laugh it off and you go to your tents not really afraid anymore and you sleep the sleep off the drunk without any nightmares and when you wake up it’s all forgotten in the hangover you’re brushing off. Paranormal Activity is kinda like that.

Let’s get real… Paranormal Activity isn’t that scary. It especially isn’t the scariest movie ever made. Hell, if you want to get into comparisons, PA wasn’t even as scary as The Blair Witch Project (which i really liked, btw). What we got here is a good idea, well executed and great marketing. Swear to god, future dweebs in econ are going to be reading textbooks with chapters dedicated to this movie. Which hides but doesn’t change the fact that PA is well put together, builds nicely and has a pair of solid actors.

In a nutshell, what we got here is a good ghost story. Nothing more, nothing less.

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: 0 Shots

No nudity, but we get to see Katie Featherston running around in tank tops. i’m not gonna replay the famous “bra in bed” debate from the comment section of the Pippa Lee post, but there was a lot of that going on here and i was not pleased.

 

The Dreaded Bra In Bed

 

Anyways, here’s Katie:


 

Check Out The Freckle On Her Lower Lip---Mmmm Freckles...

 

 

Mmmmore Freckles.....

 

On to the Silken Butterflies, those sweet, temporal visions that flit across the screen.

First there’s Ashley Palmer, who plays Diane (the other haunted girl who we don’t get to see commit suicide in the final cut). Here’s to hoping we see more of you Ashley:

Also, there was the cute friend Amber, played by the lovely and talented Amber Armstrong. Unfortunately, there are no photos of her anywhere to be found on the Wild Wonderful Web. Amber, babe, if you’re out there, how ’bout hooking us up?

A Smoke

Drink: 0 Shots

Can you believe it? You’d think people who are being jerked around by ghosts would hit the bottle and more than once, am i right? So much for realism…

A Smoke

Rock & Roll: 0 Shots

There’s a heavy metal video on the TV at the beginning of the movie but i’ll be damned if i can find out what it was. ‘Course i’ll be damned anyway, but still…

Boring Technical Crap

Written by: Oren Peli

Directed by: Oren Peli

Starring

Katie Featherston – Katie

Ashley Palmer – Diane

Amber Armstrong – Amber

Micah Sloat – Micah

Bottom Line

See it if you like ghost stories.

4 thoughts on “Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed Review of PARANORMAL ACTIVITY

  1. Oh you once again nailed it in your intro paragraph! Yes, very well-put.

    Karie Featherston is very cute & boobalicious, and it’s too bad there are no photos of Amber Armstrong! She was cute, too. Amber, are you out there?

    Yeah, I really found “The Road” to be about a billion times scarier. The thing about this movie was how pissy I felt myself getting at the boyfriend, Micah; OMG, I wanted to whack him over the head for being so goshdarn irritating! Argh! He really got on my nerves, and I think he was supposed to, so kudos on that acting job. I was pissed at him.

    Also, it is a really novel movie, but I did get a little annoyed at it looking like a really long YouTube video the whole time. I know that was kinda the point, but eh. Still annoying. It dragged a little, too, for me.

    There were a couple of good, scary parts, though, where I felt a little twinge of “ohmygod!” heart-pounding fear and/or dramatic tension. But all in all, it did not really do a lot for me.

  2. Pingback: Booze Revooze: PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 4 « The Bar None — High & Dry

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