From the juiced-box for Ms Chapin:
The Black Keys – Ain’t Nothing Like You (Hoochie Coo) (feat. Jim Jones & Mos Def)
Y’all remember when i wrote my very first Booze Revooze? It was for Final Destination 4 and in an extenuating effort to be witty i accidentally stepped on the nimble toes of the best actress in the whole damn thing: Gabrielle Chapin. She wrote a comment (which you can still read at the bottom of the FD4 link above) and i wrote a response (An Open Letter To Gabrielle Chapin) to smooth things over. We finished on good terms.
At the time i wrote those posts (end of September – beginning of October 2009) i was lucky if my humble Diary-a of a Chronicle Drinker got 50 page reads a day. Now, just 2 short months later, i get that every hour. No kidding. An average day in the Bar None sees 1,200-1,300 blog page readers served. This is what’s called ‘blog cred’ (and i know this because i just invented it) and it’s what lets someone like me even think of approaching someone like Gabrielle.
More importantly, in the past few weeks, i’ve been noticing more and more people are finding their way into the Bar None by plugging her name into a search engine and, on top of that, around 10 of you regularly click on the link to her MySpace page: GCHAPINSTUDIOS.
Which led me to think, “Al! You’ve got blog cred now and a lot of your patrons are stopping by her page. Why not hit her up for an interview and make each other famous!” Which i did and she did and so we both will be.
Before you start… You know me, right? And if you don’t you’ll be punished for it because i’m all about new and unusual punishments. Speaking of, i had this idea to write the intro to the interview in a ‘mad-lib’ format; you know, where one idiot asks you to name some words and you humor him and he reads them back to you inside of a story and much jocularity ensues? Well, i tried that with Gabrielle (the words she provided are underlined; remember, she had no idea what the text was). Let me know if it doesn’t work and if i should give up my career aspirations to be a mad-libber.
Here then is the interview:
Gabrielle and i, being globetrotters and jet-setters, happened to cross paths in Germany, where we hooked up in Jackson Square over a couple of screwdrivers. She pranced over wearing smoking greentube socks, and her HUGE…brain glowed delicately. She put me at ease right away by pole dancing on each of my cheeks before sitting down. She blushed when i commented on how swollen she looked before we began the interview.
Al K Hall: Hello, Gabrielle! Thanks for agreeing to meet me. It’s so nice to meet you face to face.
Gabrielle Chapin:Thank you, Al. It’s a pleasure. By the way, you’ve got a little mustard on your chin.
AKH: [embarrassed and rubbing his face furiously] Hahahaha. You know what they say: When in Germany…!
GC: [Confused, looks around to make sure there are people in authority in the vicinity should she need some assistance]
AKH: Let’s get started with some personal questions, shall we? Where is it you hail from?
GC: Baltimore, Maryland originally but I’ve lived in New Orleans for 4 and a half years now.
AKH: Any nicknames?
GC: Gabby and Tater. Don’t ask! [Her giggle is as fine as champagne flutes ringing during a toast.]
AKH: So, Tater, how old are you?
GC: 25 going on 20.
AKH: Wow, you don’t look a day over 24½! Single? Attached? Married?
GC: I am dating someone, yes. However, we are not attached…that would make for awkward bathroom breaks.
AKH: For which i’d pay good money to photograph! Speaking of invasive and personal, what’s something about you people wouldn’t know after a first meeting with you?
GC: I love tube socks!
AKH: Enough about you, let’s talk about your career a little. How did you get involved with Final Destination 4?
GC: It was a friend of a friend situation. Ruth K. is officially to blame and I love her for it.
AKH: Some stars never like to watch themselves on the screen. Did you see the movie in the theaters after its release?
GC: I saw the 12:01 AM showing, it was the first available. It was also my birthday!
AKH: Who’d you go with?
GC: I went with a handful of friends who I knew would high five me after my part on screen. [Her grin is warm enough to melt all the ice in my drink]
AKH: What was your overall impression of the film?
GC: I thought the 3D technology was pretty stellar. The script and acting was consistent with it’s 3 predecessors.
AKH: And your performance?
GC: My performance… I was pleased, it was a good angle for my…face. [She laughs and the polar ice caps melt a little bit more.]
AKH: Speaking of your…face, it and your boobs were bare for most of your 3 minutes on screen. Were you uncomfortable during the shoot? How did you feel during the filming?
GC: I think the level of my comfort on set and during shooting was that of someone naked in their own home. I am incredibly proud of my figure, I work hard for it. I was treated as a professional so it was simple to feel like one.
AKH: Yes, and we’re proud of your figure, too! [i try to figure out exactly what i mean for a couple of minutes but give up] Uh, did you steal any souvenirs from the set?
GC: It wouldn’t be very smart to mention that here if I had, now would it? I did not. However, the swimsuit I wore walking out of the cabana was my own and I still have it…for the right price I’d be willing to let it go.
AKH: [i fish around in my pockets] i got 3 euros, five Sion Kölsch beer bottle caps, a paperclip, two condoms—only one used, pocket lint and a roll of Certs. Oops, strike that, it’s not a roll of Certs.
GC: [Gabrielle chugs the rest of her screwdriver]
AKH: Moving right along, IMDB shows we have a lot to look forward from you next year. Would you care to tell us about your roles in Dead of Night and Knucklehead?
GC: Dead of Night was a simple project for me. I helped casting find several girls to Go-Go Dance in a night club scene. If we make it through the cutting room we’ll have a nice close up. The best part of that job was seeing the inside of the Saenger Theater which has been closed since Katrina. It’s an incredible space and is scheduled to reopen in 2011!
Knucklehead was another featured extra roll my best friend and I worked on together. I really got to be myself on this one, dancing like a fool is what it’s all about sometimes.
AKH: i’m really looking forward to seeing that! i’d love to see you ‘dancing like a fool’. A propos, what’s up with the choreographing job on Welcome To Riley’s?
GC: Welcome to the Riley’shas been one of my favorite gigs. Before I got the job I met with Jake Scott, the director, for an interview. I think he was impressed because he sent me a script and asked me to read it over and verify the authenticity and accuracy of several scenes. Needless to say, I was flattered and I obliged. Kristen Stewart plays the role of an exotic dancer and I was her personal choreographer. We trained several days before filming and then I remained on set for 2 days to assist. Ms. Stewart was as fast a learner as I am thorough an instructor, so I spent most of my time on-set participating as an observer. My job performance for this film landed me a spot in a “Madden 10” commercial that Jake Scott also directed. He asked for me specifically, that was great for my ego.
AKH: Wow! i know someone who knows Kristin Stewart! i don’t suppose you had to give her hands-on kissing lessons? Uhhhh, i’ll take your silence as a “no”. Seriously, congrats on your well-deserved success.
Your Myspace page is dedicated to your photographic work. What’s going on with your photography? What kind of work are you looking for?
GC: I currently operate my studio out of New Orleans. I work as a private photographer for indivual clients most of the time doing anything from typical portraits to erotic portfolios.
[Musical interlude: The Black Keys – Coochie (feat. Ludacris & Ol’ Dirty Bastard). Press ‘Play to get your groove on.]
I’ve been doing shoots for Larry Flynt’s Hustler Barely Legal Club on a regular basis for the last couple of years, as well. I really love working with individuals for creative and conceptual portraiture though it is second on my list of ideal photography jobs.
Ultimately I am working towards becoming a conservation photographer.
You see, I am proud to be a nature nerd and I would love to put that passion to good use. Human beings need nature, we need wide open spaces, quiet forests free from noise polution, and dark skies not diluted by city lights that make it impossible to see the stars. If I could find a way to utilize my skills as an artist (I paint a lot also) and my passion for the environment I would be one happy camper. It’s obvious I love to talk. Provided I have an audience inspired by the “green revolution”, as I like to call it, I know I’ll be successful.
AKH: If a casting / photography agent is interested in contacting you, what’s the best way?
GC: By email: email@example.com. I check it regularly.
AKH: Cool. Do you have any words for your many fans?
GC: I have fans?
AKH: Babe! Tons!
GC: Ok then: Make a commitment to live a life that is healthy for you and the world around you. Keep an open heart and mind…challenge their boudaries daily.
AKH: Nice! Well, before we wrap this up, we have to get through the mandatory Bar None questions.
GC: Go ahead…I think.
AKH: What’s your favorite alcoholic drink?
GC: Depends on my mood: a spicy red wine, a cold glass of Duvel or Pirat..when all else fails…vodka.
AKH: Niiice. Here ya go.
AKH: When was the last time you had a hangover?
GC: Over a year ago. I tend not to drink too much, I don’t find anything about it to be fun.
AKH: [Coughs] Yeah. Uhm, me too. I mean, me neither. You know… yeah, i couldn’t agree more. Do you smoke?
GC: Nope, no offense…
AKH: None taken.
GC: I find it to be a pointless habit and quite revolting.
AKH: Uh-huh… [i flick my cigarette into the fountain beside us]
GC: Although, it does look good in pictures sometimes.
AKH: Back atcha! Do you swear?
AKH: A lot?
GC: I keep it to a minimum but every once in a while have a day when I wonder where my brain to mouth filter has run off to.
AKH: Yeah, i know that feeling. So, what’s your favorite curse word?
GC: I really like the C-word. It feels good to say.
AKH: That’s my favorite too! We have sooooo much in common!
GC: Yeeaaahhh but no.
AKH: Ok then, to finish this bad boy off with an ego job, what’s your favorite thing about me: Al K Hall?
GC: When I first contacted you about your blog you chose to respond politely but still with a sense of humor. Manners are very underrated and go a long way with me.
AKH: Long enough that we can get drunk on Belgian beer, use the C-word until we pass out and smoke like sailors in a Duty Free Thai strip club?
– – – – – – – – – END OF INTERVIEW – – – – – – – – –
[Outro: R L Burnside – Goin’ Away, Baby]
To clear up any possible misunderstandings, Ms Chapin and i never met face-to-face. The interview was done by e-mail and i wrote it to appear as though we had actually spoken to make the exchange more lively.
To conclude, i’d like to thank Ms Gabrielle Chapin for being such a good sport in doing this interview and for trusting me enough to open up. Gabrielle, you’re a very special person and it’s honestly been a pleasure working with you. Here’s a drink to continued and every growing success for us both.